I suspect, after the last vacation together, a jealous ex-wife said "no more", if you see him and your (blank step mother again) you're out of here. (Home, support, me). and he made a choice.
We have a very similar situation in our family. I love this estranged family member deeply. To not have this person active in our family circle leaves a tremendous gaping hole. We pray every day for this person to have a softening of the heart and the courage to reach out to our family again. And of course, we pray for his protection. We love and miss this family member dearly
Any parent in this situation should humbly search their own soul to see if there is something they might have done to trigger this alienation. What seems inexplicable may not be. The parable notwithstanding, there is rarely only one side to such a story. I was that niece whom an uncle turned to for end-of-life care and estate management. The hardest part was dealing with the pain of the broken relationship between father and son. Apologies all around are a good beginning.
Pray that his heart will be softened toward you. I did this and the results were amazing. The family member actually reached out to me to make restitution for his coldness, and it was clear the Holy Ghost had pleaded my cause with him. Sadly, this is not always the result because people have their agency to choose. However, it is certainly worth the effort to try.
Try using a burner phone to call. He won’t recognize the number. This worked for me once when a different family member worked to sabotage a relationship and we were able to reestablish communication after talking it out and hearing what was going on in their half of the relationship. There is injustice and hurt in this old world, sometimes lies cannot be undone no matter how illogical. I’d give it a try. Then what I do repeatedly is sending all of the love and goodness I feel thwarted in giving out into the universe in some symbolic form.
Create an image and send it out with all the love and kindness and compassion in your heart. It honors your heart and instead of staying inside you causing pain, just extend it out with open arms and a heart that can still love. Easier said than done,but it helps me. I do this repeatedly, once was not enough for me.
Best wishes to the writer of the letter.
Go see him in person and find out why he is turning his back on you. Express to him face to face your love for him and all you have done to try to be a good father to him. Stop and LIsten to him and what he tells you. You may find out you have not been the father you think you have been or you may be able to clear up misconceptions on his part. Never let your child go without giving it your all.
I also had an adult child "disown" me for over 10 years! I was grateful when I sent notes telling her I was sorry for what it was I had offended her with and I loved her dearly. Nothing more, nothing less and I prayed for her and that Heavenly Father would do what need be done. I always kept the faith that I knew one day she would return and kept praying and never once when speaking of my family ever exclude her. Then just a little less than 5 years ago, I received a message to contact her. I did. As she answered the phone, we both said at the same time I love you. As I said I have missed you so much, she returned with I have too. Now we keep in touch and what the problem was that began all this is "erased" as if it never happened. I truly thank the Lord for the faith He gave me. In fact I had my other 2 children also walk away from me (due to divorce), but I knew in my heart I had taught them all I could and put my faith in the Lord even though many told me they would never return I knew they would and it wasn't very long that now they have all returned. Please keep the faith. The Lord will take care.
My heart goes out to this man as his experience mirrors my own. I too was shunned by two daughters nearly 7 years ago in a divorce situation. Your words of wisdom to him still apply to me. It has been a grieving process but the best thing I finally did was place the burden at the Lord's feet and ask Him to carry it for me. This gave me the ability to carry on and have a happy life and disposition. I do have faith that the Lord can repair the splintered branches of our family tree and I am comforted by His promise that all losses will be made up if we stay faithful to him. Nothing about these situations are fair, but with strength from God, we can endure infuriating unfairness.
Thank you very much for this “right on” article and counsel to ensure that our loving arms stay wide open until an estranged child returns to a loving father.
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