To Barbara Roberts, I have always felt the same way! I agonize that I will be relegated for eternity to a lesser sphere. I try hard, I fail, I get discouraged and stop my scripture reading and meeting and temple attendance periodically, but, I want so much to meet the prophets and great people and yes, Jesus our savior in the next life. The shame of inadequacy. I think it comes from emotional abuse. Being told that God hates you for misbehaving by a parent. At least that is where I am sure my feelings of shame and inadequacy to ever be capable of quality of character to earn the highest degree of exaltation. Take heart, Barbara. You are not alone.
Vinny DiGirolamoJuly 3, 2014
Thank you for your article - I especially appreciate your thoughts on this topic. Our interpretation of the word "perfection" is often misguided. In a scriptural sense, I have a simplified definition of perfection that changes the landscape slightly. To me, perfection is simply
SheilaJuly 2, 2014
Due to the large amount of comments, you can see that this is a life-long battle to try to un-teach ourselves that we must be perfect or else we are worthless. You and I have discussed it many times before and we will continue to need these reminders and lessons to accept ourselves where we are, and remember that we grow line upon line, precept upon precept, and as we age or get sick, we have limitations that the Lord is aware of. keep teaching us sis!
Love, Sheila
Barbara RobertsJuly 1, 2014
When I look at the fruits of my choices the pileup of a "badly done" way of being suggests to me that while salvation is a done deal between me and Christ, the highest degree of exaltation can not be earned by me. I am not capable of behavior that could ever be construed as of such quality. I have never felt adequate, or enough. My efforts are a constant source of shaming. I accept whatever God wants to do with me. In the meantime I forgive and repent while being loving to myself and others as I best understand how. And leave that perfecting process to God who knows really who is capable and willing to meet His standards.
Luana. wellsJune 30, 2014
Exactly what I needed to hear; your timing was "perfect". Thank you, your writing always seems to be what I need.
sueJune 30, 2014
If you like Cathy Thomas's book, Light in the Wilderness, perhaps reading the pages starting at 299, where she discusses 2 Peter 1: 10 in great depth, will help with this concept. :)
MikeJune 30, 2014
Thank you for sharing. I have found through my own life experiences that what you are teaching is true.
TeresaJune 30, 2014
Darla, I always love reading your articles! I relate so well to what you write. Thank you.
rex loweJune 30, 2014
A stony, thorny path, BUT I am encouraged that Abraham Isaac and Jacob have achieved their status as Gods. If they can I can. D&C 138: 28 - 37. Because the promise is there, the Saviour died for the law to be fulfilled, not only by Abraham Isaac and Jacob, but by ALL of us, if we will. And so, the struggle goes on, because we seek that City, which we have seen afar off, even in our visions.
Richard NanceJune 30, 2014
The fact of the matter is, everyone IS already Perfect .. they are the best THEM anyone could be! No one does it better than the original.. if only people would see and understand this about themselves, No?
Great article !! Read also Ether 12:27 and Matt 11:28-30
RonTJune 30, 2014
Great, much needed article Darla. As a 'first-born' I too often fall into the "Be Perfect Now" trap.
I'd like to add a foot note to your article though: Another trap to avoid is using the idea that we are not going to be perfect in this life as an excuse for wrong doing. There is a fine line between making good and righteous choices on one hand - or choosing wrong on the other because we intend to repent. The idea that we can indulge ourselves in sin then buy our way out through the Grace of Christ is another of satan's subtle lies.
Renaissance NerdJune 30, 2014
I think this concept is particularly hard for many of us who are Americans, because one of the bedrock beliefs of American culture is the idea of earning your way, whether 'paying your dues' or 'self-made man' or any of the myriad other ideas we believe (as Americans) that are in fact somewhat antithetical to Christianity itself, if taken in isolation.
Allowing cultural mores to leak over into religion is hardly a new phenomenon; indeed it's practically ubiquitous in all religions. However it is important to pay attention to where the culture ends and the religion begins. I think a lot of this perfectionism common to a lot of Mormons (including me) comes from the idea that we should pay our own passage, that worthiness comes from achievement, rather than humility towards God. This is actually something I've heard as a criticism from other Christians, that we (like Roman Catholics) believe it's possible to achieve heaven, to fulfill the requirements of our own salvation. Yet that is not doctrine; and that quintessentially American belief in achievement, while good and very useful in a secular sense, is simply wrong in the religious sense. If we could do as much or more than what is required for salvation out of our own resources, then Christ is superfluous.
As He is not. Nothing God does is unnecessary. It all has meaning, purpose, and fits into a larger plan. It sticks in my craw, the idea that I should need help, that I can't do it myself, that I'm not able to achieve perfection through sheer willpower. Yet the older I get, the more I realize how wrong I have been to even desire it.
And that leaves aside some truly monumentally bad decisions I've made, demonstrating very clearly that I'm really not as smart as I think I am.
Steven S.June 30, 2014
Be Perfect = Be Complete
Gwen MangelsonJune 30, 2014
I am always amazed that people in the LDS church ( I have been member for 40 years) still think they have to be perfect/perfected here- this is a learning experience we will never be perfect or perfected while alive on this earth! I dont understand how people can miss that teaching in the scriptures or in our lessons? Are they to busy listening to the world and not to the teachings?
Comments | Return to Story
AprilJuly 7, 2014
To Barbara Roberts, I have always felt the same way! I agonize that I will be relegated for eternity to a lesser sphere. I try hard, I fail, I get discouraged and stop my scripture reading and meeting and temple attendance periodically, but, I want so much to meet the prophets and great people and yes, Jesus our savior in the next life. The shame of inadequacy. I think it comes from emotional abuse. Being told that God hates you for misbehaving by a parent. At least that is where I am sure my feelings of shame and inadequacy to ever be capable of quality of character to earn the highest degree of exaltation. Take heart, Barbara. You are not alone.
Vinny DiGirolamoJuly 3, 2014
Thank you for your article - I especially appreciate your thoughts on this topic. Our interpretation of the word "perfection" is often misguided. In a scriptural sense, I have a simplified definition of perfection that changes the landscape slightly. To me, perfection is simply
SheilaJuly 2, 2014
Due to the large amount of comments, you can see that this is a life-long battle to try to un-teach ourselves that we must be perfect or else we are worthless. You and I have discussed it many times before and we will continue to need these reminders and lessons to accept ourselves where we are, and remember that we grow line upon line, precept upon precept, and as we age or get sick, we have limitations that the Lord is aware of. keep teaching us sis! Love, Sheila
Barbara RobertsJuly 1, 2014
When I look at the fruits of my choices the pileup of a "badly done" way of being suggests to me that while salvation is a done deal between me and Christ, the highest degree of exaltation can not be earned by me. I am not capable of behavior that could ever be construed as of such quality. I have never felt adequate, or enough. My efforts are a constant source of shaming. I accept whatever God wants to do with me. In the meantime I forgive and repent while being loving to myself and others as I best understand how. And leave that perfecting process to God who knows really who is capable and willing to meet His standards.
Luana. wellsJune 30, 2014
Exactly what I needed to hear; your timing was "perfect". Thank you, your writing always seems to be what I need.
sueJune 30, 2014
If you like Cathy Thomas's book, Light in the Wilderness, perhaps reading the pages starting at 299, where she discusses 2 Peter 1: 10 in great depth, will help with this concept. :)
MikeJune 30, 2014
Thank you for sharing. I have found through my own life experiences that what you are teaching is true.
TeresaJune 30, 2014
Darla, I always love reading your articles! I relate so well to what you write. Thank you.
rex loweJune 30, 2014
A stony, thorny path, BUT I am encouraged that Abraham Isaac and Jacob have achieved their status as Gods. If they can I can. D&C 138: 28 - 37. Because the promise is there, the Saviour died for the law to be fulfilled, not only by Abraham Isaac and Jacob, but by ALL of us, if we will. And so, the struggle goes on, because we seek that City, which we have seen afar off, even in our visions.
Richard NanceJune 30, 2014
The fact of the matter is, everyone IS already Perfect .. they are the best THEM anyone could be! No one does it better than the original.. if only people would see and understand this about themselves, No? Great article !! Read also Ether 12:27 and Matt 11:28-30
RonTJune 30, 2014
Great, much needed article Darla. As a 'first-born' I too often fall into the "Be Perfect Now" trap. I'd like to add a foot note to your article though: Another trap to avoid is using the idea that we are not going to be perfect in this life as an excuse for wrong doing. There is a fine line between making good and righteous choices on one hand - or choosing wrong on the other because we intend to repent. The idea that we can indulge ourselves in sin then buy our way out through the Grace of Christ is another of satan's subtle lies.
Renaissance NerdJune 30, 2014
I think this concept is particularly hard for many of us who are Americans, because one of the bedrock beliefs of American culture is the idea of earning your way, whether 'paying your dues' or 'self-made man' or any of the myriad other ideas we believe (as Americans) that are in fact somewhat antithetical to Christianity itself, if taken in isolation. Allowing cultural mores to leak over into religion is hardly a new phenomenon; indeed it's practically ubiquitous in all religions. However it is important to pay attention to where the culture ends and the religion begins. I think a lot of this perfectionism common to a lot of Mormons (including me) comes from the idea that we should pay our own passage, that worthiness comes from achievement, rather than humility towards God. This is actually something I've heard as a criticism from other Christians, that we (like Roman Catholics) believe it's possible to achieve heaven, to fulfill the requirements of our own salvation. Yet that is not doctrine; and that quintessentially American belief in achievement, while good and very useful in a secular sense, is simply wrong in the religious sense. If we could do as much or more than what is required for salvation out of our own resources, then Christ is superfluous. As He is not. Nothing God does is unnecessary. It all has meaning, purpose, and fits into a larger plan. It sticks in my craw, the idea that I should need help, that I can't do it myself, that I'm not able to achieve perfection through sheer willpower. Yet the older I get, the more I realize how wrong I have been to even desire it. And that leaves aside some truly monumentally bad decisions I've made, demonstrating very clearly that I'm really not as smart as I think I am.
Steven S.June 30, 2014
Be Perfect = Be Complete
Gwen MangelsonJune 30, 2014
I am always amazed that people in the LDS church ( I have been member for 40 years) still think they have to be perfect/perfected here- this is a learning experience we will never be perfect or perfected while alive on this earth! I dont understand how people can miss that teaching in the scriptures or in our lessons? Are they to busy listening to the world and not to the teachings?
Carlos WatkinsJune 30, 2014
Perfection
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