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April 4, 2020

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Denise HamiltonJanuary 20, 2014

An idea: if you sit beside her instead of facing her, it is easier to partner with her to discuss things, and minimize confrontation posture.

Janet G.ronemanJanuary 18, 2014

I agree completely with David Hall. The key to her wanting on her own to choose uplifting and good material is in her being close to the Savior and her Heavenly Father, knowing for sure what the Spirit feels like - the joy and love she will feel from them, and thus wanting to do that which will lead her safely back to them. She also needs to know in a way suitable for her age that hard times are coming and that in order to have the Lord's guidance and protection during those times she will need to be completely worthy of having the Holy Ghost be a constant companion. Providing experiences that will give her a sure knowledge of the contrast of the two feelings (and talking about it) will enable her to make choices for joy and happiness. And be sure YOU are giving her plenty of love and happy, fun and pure experiences at home so she will WANT to do what will make you happy and trust her. Being surrounded with love and her understanding the doctrines and the reason for them (Diety's love for us) are the keys.

David HallJanuary 17, 2014

As an experienced father and grandfather, I agree that the focus of this question is off the mark. As I have watched families over long periods of time, I have seen too many parents become frustrated with the results of their parenting as their children pass through their teen years. For some of these parents, their focus was on trying to get their children to conform to certain behaviors, such as being active in church, rather than teaching them to love the gospel. This daughter's problem will not be solved by intercepting the books. As a parent, I would rather ask myself questions such as, Does my daughter understand what the Holy Ghost feels like? Has she experienced the joy of doing good for others? Has she felt the peace in her heart that comes from knowing she has been obedient? Is the Holy Ghost present in our home, and can she feel that? I would spend more time on fortifying her spiritually than trying to forcibly control her reading habits. If she is spiritually fortified, she will not even enjoy these books, and that is where I think they should focus their efforts. Of course parents shouldn't permit these books in their homes. This father has made his position clear, and the daughter understands that. But the remedy for this situation is not clamping down harder.

GramajaneJanuary 17, 2014

I agree with the advice given Plus suggest you provide a HUGE in house supply of GREAT books including classics like Jane Eyer! --- get her some better lists of reccomended books. Lists of books that will help her in high school and college classes etc. For instance "To Kill a Mockingbird" --- when we supply bountiful choices of healthy YUMMY food constantly AT hand, It is much less likely a a teen will go to the work to obtain garbage. Also knowing that to attempt to yourself control by punishment what can't be effectively controlled except by the reader/consumer is a losing battle and could actually spur rebellion for freedom. If you can using the "Love and Logic Parenting" principles With true empathy reflect her possible reasons for interest and express or get her to see if SHE can verbalize the deeper reasons for your concerns- Then if she has not understood you, you can supply them, WITH telling her the truth That you can't control this But have faith and hope that IF she sees the danger, she will make the best choices, herself. As Joseph Smith Said " we teach correct principles and the people govern themselves. :) Also you might ask her if she would like to compile a list SHE reccomends that her Young Women's peers might like and Haagen a book club! :)

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