I am interested in how it is working out with the daughter with the same-sex partner? My daughter was not allowed to bring her partner around. Then I decided that I could be nice (as long as they showed no public affection, which they do not) and not judge, just treat her partner kind and Christ like. It worked fine for nine months or so. Then her same sex partner's family was treating my daughter so poorly (to be honest, I was glad it was coming from the other side for once) that her partner started encouraging problems between our family and our daughter. So now, our daughter has become disrespectful, demanding, and entitled. (Her partner is a puppet master, pulling her stings. She wants our daughter to have problems with us, to make her family look better.) It has come to the point where I can not and will not be treated disrespectfully and talked to with disrespect. Therefore, our family has not had any communication with our daughter for about three months. This has never happened. We have always been very close. My daughters partners says she wants to get married, but then tells our family and our daughter no one can know she is gay because it could hurt her career. She is a college coach. (most are gay) May daughter is a high school teacher. Her career is more at risk than her partners. I think she is playng my daughter. I just don't know what to do. I know I can't allow the disrespect, but I miss my daughter. Our whole family does. Suggestions?
AngelJanuary 12, 2014
I have a situation in which my daughter has demanded that we invite her same-sex partner to our family gatherings. My daughter is loved and was included in our family gatherings, until she gave us the ultimatum. We refused, and she has elected to refuse to speak to us, and claim her partner's family as her only family. I can't quite wrap my head around how she has been able to walk away...but we keep praying for her, and we know that in the Lord's time, this will be made right, according to his will. I thank God for the gospel, especially for the Atonement. Blessings to all who struggle with family relationships.
MaryannJanuary 12, 2014
I am really surprised at the suggestion that this woman go to dinner with her daughter and her MARRIED boyfriend. To do so, would be to condone the relationship! I think this mother should try to maintain a relationship with her daughter, but she should not feel she has to interact with the married boyfriend.
LeahJanuary 10, 2014
I have a handful of offspring who break my heart with their choices. I've had many long dark nights of the soul over them and have worn out my knees in prayer. I love Larry Burkdall's book Rescuing Wayward Children. It helps.
Here's my input. I try to be loving, no matter what. My mere presence says all those things to them I would like to say. Their choices give them negative consequences. I don't need to verbalize any of it. A mother's love is powerful. I try to let them feel it while not allowing standards drop in my home. I gently say "You can't do/say/have that in my home" with as much love as I can muster. My home remains an LDS home. And then I try not to agonize. They chose, they choose, they go their own way!
Rae GreenstreetJanuary 10, 2014
I would have met her and her boyfriend for lunch or dinner, my treat, to keep my relationship with her.
Rickie Findlay January 10, 2014
I have found that thing change when I keep the names of those of my children who have strayed on the prayer tool of the temple and praise and thank the Lord when ever I see baby steps in the right direction.
As a family we still visit and talk to those that have strayed we don't cut them out of our lives. This isnot saying we let them live their lifestyle in our home, we ask them to get a hotel room if they won't comply with the home rules but we still try to do things with and for them.
AngelaJanuary 10, 2014
I too have a daughter whose behaviour goes against my gospel beliefs. An unmarried mother at 18, she was excommunicated and her lifestyle ever since, a period of 17 years, has been personally distressing to me. You have little choice but to accept her the way she is. Just love her and reach out to her and be a good example of the Saviour in all you do. Try to leave the church out of your dealings with her. She knows your standards, you do not have to keep reminding her of them. Maybe one day she will find her way back, but she won't if you place conditions on your relationship. Remember that she is Heavenly Father's child as well as yours, and He is anxious for her as well. Pray for her and be guided by the spirit and you will be rewarded.
AJ January 10, 2014
I have exactly the same situation. My son likes to boast to his brothers about his situation but up until the last visit, has spared me the details. I had to tell him that I didn't want to hear those, and words were exchanged. Fortunately and to his credit, it was mostly him , we still have a relationship. He's proud of the woman he's with and has met her family so can I do any less? He's bringing her home this year ( they will be staying at a motel) and I will treat her as any other special guest which will be difficult as my other sons have passed along some of what they know. But I have to remember, my son is the one who was once active in the church. The woman involved hasn't had those teachings in her life. Other families deal with their children' s same sex partners with grace and dignity; I will attempt to hold to my basic belief that family is everything and everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and politeness. What a challenge! This son texts me a couple of times a week and we talk weekly. I've simply had to decide that as long as his behavior isn't being thrown in our faces in a daily basis, I can handle it. He lives across the country. I've decided showing him the same love and respect I feel for my active children and their spouses is vital. But it had to be a conscious decision. It wasn't easy.
Jack ZufeltJanuary 10, 2014
In a deep moment of sadness and fear my inactive daughter blurted out that she was afraid I would not love her because there were Mormon standards she no longer kept.
My response was this. "I don't love you because you are a Mormon. I love you because you were born...and you are my daughter now and forever and that will never change."
Our relationship is close and full of love.
Comments | Return to Story
Annie July 29, 2014
I am interested in how it is working out with the daughter with the same-sex partner? My daughter was not allowed to bring her partner around. Then I decided that I could be nice (as long as they showed no public affection, which they do not) and not judge, just treat her partner kind and Christ like. It worked fine for nine months or so. Then her same sex partner's family was treating my daughter so poorly (to be honest, I was glad it was coming from the other side for once) that her partner started encouraging problems between our family and our daughter. So now, our daughter has become disrespectful, demanding, and entitled. (Her partner is a puppet master, pulling her stings. She wants our daughter to have problems with us, to make her family look better.) It has come to the point where I can not and will not be treated disrespectfully and talked to with disrespect. Therefore, our family has not had any communication with our daughter for about three months. This has never happened. We have always been very close. My daughters partners says she wants to get married, but then tells our family and our daughter no one can know she is gay because it could hurt her career. She is a college coach. (most are gay) May daughter is a high school teacher. Her career is more at risk than her partners. I think she is playng my daughter. I just don't know what to do. I know I can't allow the disrespect, but I miss my daughter. Our whole family does. Suggestions?
AngelJanuary 12, 2014
I have a situation in which my daughter has demanded that we invite her same-sex partner to our family gatherings. My daughter is loved and was included in our family gatherings, until she gave us the ultimatum. We refused, and she has elected to refuse to speak to us, and claim her partner's family as her only family. I can't quite wrap my head around how she has been able to walk away...but we keep praying for her, and we know that in the Lord's time, this will be made right, according to his will. I thank God for the gospel, especially for the Atonement. Blessings to all who struggle with family relationships.
MaryannJanuary 12, 2014
I am really surprised at the suggestion that this woman go to dinner with her daughter and her MARRIED boyfriend. To do so, would be to condone the relationship! I think this mother should try to maintain a relationship with her daughter, but she should not feel she has to interact with the married boyfriend.
LeahJanuary 10, 2014
I have a handful of offspring who break my heart with their choices. I've had many long dark nights of the soul over them and have worn out my knees in prayer. I love Larry Burkdall's book Rescuing Wayward Children. It helps. Here's my input. I try to be loving, no matter what. My mere presence says all those things to them I would like to say. Their choices give them negative consequences. I don't need to verbalize any of it. A mother's love is powerful. I try to let them feel it while not allowing standards drop in my home. I gently say "You can't do/say/have that in my home" with as much love as I can muster. My home remains an LDS home. And then I try not to agonize. They chose, they choose, they go their own way!
Rae GreenstreetJanuary 10, 2014
I would have met her and her boyfriend for lunch or dinner, my treat, to keep my relationship with her.
Rickie Findlay January 10, 2014
I have found that thing change when I keep the names of those of my children who have strayed on the prayer tool of the temple and praise and thank the Lord when ever I see baby steps in the right direction. As a family we still visit and talk to those that have strayed we don't cut them out of our lives. This isnot saying we let them live their lifestyle in our home, we ask them to get a hotel room if they won't comply with the home rules but we still try to do things with and for them.
AngelaJanuary 10, 2014
I too have a daughter whose behaviour goes against my gospel beliefs. An unmarried mother at 18, she was excommunicated and her lifestyle ever since, a period of 17 years, has been personally distressing to me. You have little choice but to accept her the way she is. Just love her and reach out to her and be a good example of the Saviour in all you do. Try to leave the church out of your dealings with her. She knows your standards, you do not have to keep reminding her of them. Maybe one day she will find her way back, but she won't if you place conditions on your relationship. Remember that she is Heavenly Father's child as well as yours, and He is anxious for her as well. Pray for her and be guided by the spirit and you will be rewarded.
AJ January 10, 2014
I have exactly the same situation. My son likes to boast to his brothers about his situation but up until the last visit, has spared me the details. I had to tell him that I didn't want to hear those, and words were exchanged. Fortunately and to his credit, it was mostly him , we still have a relationship. He's proud of the woman he's with and has met her family so can I do any less? He's bringing her home this year ( they will be staying at a motel) and I will treat her as any other special guest which will be difficult as my other sons have passed along some of what they know. But I have to remember, my son is the one who was once active in the church. The woman involved hasn't had those teachings in her life. Other families deal with their children' s same sex partners with grace and dignity; I will attempt to hold to my basic belief that family is everything and everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and politeness. What a challenge! This son texts me a couple of times a week and we talk weekly. I've simply had to decide that as long as his behavior isn't being thrown in our faces in a daily basis, I can handle it. He lives across the country. I've decided showing him the same love and respect I feel for my active children and their spouses is vital. But it had to be a conscious decision. It wasn't easy.
Jack ZufeltJanuary 10, 2014
In a deep moment of sadness and fear my inactive daughter blurted out that she was afraid I would not love her because there were Mormon standards she no longer kept. My response was this. "I don't love you because you are a Mormon. I love you because you were born...and you are my daughter now and forever and that will never change." Our relationship is close and full of love.
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