This woman's question is a cry for marriage counseling. I pray they will get help!
I realize that all of us commenting are drawing conclusions from what little is shared by this woman. But I see red flags throughout her comments. While she may be "fishing for compliments" or trying to show herself in a humble. teachable light, I FEAR that her husband may be laboring under some very incorrect ideas about what it means to support our husbands as Priesthood leaders in our homes. (QUOTE: "...belittling his priesthood role as the leader of the home") Eve was given to Adam as a helpmeet which has a unique and wonder scriptural interpretation. Heather Farrell wrote a wonderful article on the actual definition of helpmeet. SEE: https://womeninthescriptures.blogspot.com/2010/11/real-meaning-of-term-help-meet.html
My comment is to Jane. Jane you are apparently unaware of the effect of emotional abuse on a person. I am well aware from a very abusive mother and living in a severely abusive marriage that this woman walks on egg shells and painfully picks and chooses her words. Yet you accuse her of being manipulative. Wow. How judgmental can someone be. I can feel the pain and genuine search for answers in this woman's words. I pray for this woman and for you.
I know how this woman feels & see myself in her. I know that the way she posed the question maybe unintentionally shows herself in a good light & her husband in a bad light. Sure the words sounded like she was blaming herself, but really we all do this. It's a form of fishing for compliments--hoping someone will see only our good sides. But,
it goes both ways.
Oh, my. That man sounds familiar. To save myself and my children, I got a good lawyer and fled. ... after years of fasting, prayer, several rounds of marriage counselling, trying over and over to explain my position and stick up for myself as he twisted every word, admonished me sternly for minor infractions, and picked on me for small "word" choices - picking on my choice of words. He warned me constantly to find a "better way" to express myself while refusing to hear the message in my words. Marriage to him made me his target for an onslaught of meanness. I worked on improving myself and tried to be above reproach.... Sometimes FLEEing is the only safe choice.
It appears that this man thinks honoring the Priesthood means agreeing with him on everything. He sounds dictatorial and unwilling to respect his wife's input as an equal partner. He uses staying upset as a way to punish and manipulate her. This couple need to go to the Bishop for counseling and perhaps he can suggest a professional counselor, as well.
I hope this couple learns to recognize that they each behave according to who they themselves are and that no one else's behavior "makes" them be a certain way. She can certainly improve communications skills if she'd like. He can certainly respond in loving ways regardless of her language. IT is from long experience that I coach people to recognize that the traits that irritate them in others are likely reflections of the same traits in themselves. Grow up, take responsibility and become the person you would like to be then notice how amazing it is how little others are then irritating.
I wholeheartedly agree with Mr. Steurer. I lived with an abusive husband for 22 years and I recognize alot of your issues. You are taking on all the problems in your marriage becuase your husband is willingly giving them to you. It causes alot of stress on your part because you can't be yourself. Sure, everyone needs improvement in areas. But, I sense your husband's ulta sensitivity issues have nothing to do with you. A good husband will take his wife's recommendations and after consideration might come back with some other ideas or suggestions. Both, working together to work out the situation. It has nothing to do with you supporting his priesthood authority. I'm also guessing there are control issues with your children as well. Having been where you are, I would definately get some counseling and hopefully your husband will be open to that idea. If not, I would still make the first step toward your healing. You need not feel this is all your fault and counseling might help you cope with your situation and help you see it for what it is. Good luck in your struggles. I have been there and know how hard it is. The Lord loves you and I would not stop praying to him for answers.
Well, all I gather from this lady's comments is that her husband is abusing her in subtle ways and in total contradiction with the spirit of D&C 121. He is the one who should repent and this poor woman shouldn't be made to feel that she carries an equal share of the responsibility for her couple not functionning in an optimal manner.
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