The title of this article grabbed my attention because it cleverly states what we do wrong. Very good article because it brought out thoughts from others that are very good. Thank you Chuck, Sabrina and Jennifer for your thoughts. In my opinion you are correct as well. I really enjoy this magazine because it addresses so many important issues and gives us readers the opportunity to express our thoughts as well and I learn so much from the comments. Thanks
MaryannSeptember 20, 2013
Chuck and Sabrina---I so much appreciated your comments. I, too, think sometimes we sacrifice greater truths on the artificial throne of of "not hurting someone's feelings," no matter what the cost. The Savior made it very clear---if our brother (or sister) has offended us we are to go to them privately and honestly and kindly discuss the issues. I would much rather have someone come to me than to fester silently. One of the reasons we are required to be humble is so that we can acknowledge our shortcomings rather than hiding behind our "hurt feelings."
SabrinaSeptember 16, 2013
The idea of giving love back to those who hurt you is more easily done when the relationship is with someone who does not live with you. You can get away and think about the problem and approach it differently the next time. Then, if it does not resolve, you can reduce or severe your contact with that person. However, if you have a spouse or child in your home, and there is betrayal, criticism, etc, a case must be made for giving yourself permission to state the problem and ask for what you want in the relationship. "Don't judge" is advice that, taken too literally, can keep some in very unhealthy relationships and feel like they can't have a voice. I want to give love to my family and take my frustrations to the Lord as much as possible. But suffering under the cloud of poor communication and constant negativity in the name of "not judging" can suck the soul out of a person. There has to be a way to talk with your family about relationship issues without feeling like you're sinning because you are "judging".
jennifer ruebenSeptember 15, 2013
gives me much to think about. I have considered for much of my married life how to respond to a family member who seems determined to hurt and belittle me including sharing distorted gossip. Your suggestions are very timely. I can see that I need a change of attitude towards her and a careful monitoring of what I share verbally both with and about her. Until I can work through my own attitude adjustment it would also be best to limit inter-action with this relative. Currently I can not be sure that my bitterness and hurt wouldn' t spill over in a very negative way. As you pointed out this type of confrontation would not address the issue but just cause more gossip and hurt. Stony silent and a change of subject may be the best choice of reaction to gossip about other family members.
Sarah EastleySeptember 14, 2013
Excellent article. Thank you so much.
Ken PattersonSeptember 14, 2013
Remember that the Golden Rule is really do unto others as they would have done unto them. Treating others the way I want to be treated is not right, for I don't want to be treated as others would treat me, I want to be treated as I want to be treated. Good article.
Chuck WhickerSeptember 14, 2013
There is an imbalance in our teaching regarding judgment, and this article seems to uphold it. Every scriptural pattern indicates that judgment is a holy act, that requires maturity on our part, and not perfection. And yet more often than not, it is taught in the church as something that is forbidden. Everyone knows a parent must judge his or her little ones to know how to discipline them; a boss must judge an employee in behalf of the company; every person must judge his peers to determine compatibility; a military General must judge his soldiers to know whom to assign for positions of trust; citizens must judge those running for office, as well as those in office; etc., etc., etc. Also, there is a great deal of language corruption that has taken place, regarding this word, due to our constant miss-usage of it . Its ancient meaning was NOT synonymous with discernment, as implied in our usage of it today. Judgment, in the scriptures, includes in its meaning the concept of punishment, because it's real definition is to RESTORE OR IMPLEMENT JUSTICE. There is a lot of carelessness in the church's teachings on judgment today -- I see a distinct difference in Brigham Young's view of the word and that of today's church and leadership; and Brigham's teachings .were consistent with scriptural patterns.
In other words, every aspect of life stands or falls upon proper judgments, or else failure to engage in the same. Judgment is what holds a society together and keeps it from being dissolved back into its native components, or tribes, who would otherwise abide in self-interest and compete for dominance like the animal world.
Debbie BakeSeptember 13, 2013
Wallace Goddard is one of my favorite writers for Meridian. Every article is based in scriptural truth that is stated in a clear, memorable, hands-on way. This article is no exception. Thank you. I know I can do better at not judging. Now I have some concrete ways I can bless and utilize the gifts that others have instead of focusing on why they would say or do such a thing to hurt me. I love gospel truths.
Diana MurphySeptember 13, 2013
This is such a thoughtful, nuanced, layered article on the complex dynamics of relationship. I enjoyed it. But the title is off-putting - it belies the lovely message that follows.
BevPSeptember 13, 2013
First, only He can fix. We can't. The best we can do is provide a safe space within which someone else can begin to try new ways of being. I'm sure families are ordained of God because there is no better place where we can see the need for the Atonement, repentance and forgiveness. Working together in the Church is a close second.
When I am hurt or angered, I pray to see what it is that the Lord loves about the other person so much that He was willing to suffer and die for him/her. It generally works and I begin to see around my own hurt feelings. But I can't fix him/her, only the Lord can do that.
Comments | Return to Story
DarcyOctober 16, 2013
The title of this article grabbed my attention because it cleverly states what we do wrong. Very good article because it brought out thoughts from others that are very good. Thank you Chuck, Sabrina and Jennifer for your thoughts. In my opinion you are correct as well. I really enjoy this magazine because it addresses so many important issues and gives us readers the opportunity to express our thoughts as well and I learn so much from the comments. Thanks
MaryannSeptember 20, 2013
Chuck and Sabrina---I so much appreciated your comments. I, too, think sometimes we sacrifice greater truths on the artificial throne of of "not hurting someone's feelings," no matter what the cost. The Savior made it very clear---if our brother (or sister) has offended us we are to go to them privately and honestly and kindly discuss the issues. I would much rather have someone come to me than to fester silently. One of the reasons we are required to be humble is so that we can acknowledge our shortcomings rather than hiding behind our "hurt feelings."
SabrinaSeptember 16, 2013
The idea of giving love back to those who hurt you is more easily done when the relationship is with someone who does not live with you. You can get away and think about the problem and approach it differently the next time. Then, if it does not resolve, you can reduce or severe your contact with that person. However, if you have a spouse or child in your home, and there is betrayal, criticism, etc, a case must be made for giving yourself permission to state the problem and ask for what you want in the relationship. "Don't judge" is advice that, taken too literally, can keep some in very unhealthy relationships and feel like they can't have a voice. I want to give love to my family and take my frustrations to the Lord as much as possible. But suffering under the cloud of poor communication and constant negativity in the name of "not judging" can suck the soul out of a person. There has to be a way to talk with your family about relationship issues without feeling like you're sinning because you are "judging".
jennifer ruebenSeptember 15, 2013
gives me much to think about. I have considered for much of my married life how to respond to a family member who seems determined to hurt and belittle me including sharing distorted gossip. Your suggestions are very timely. I can see that I need a change of attitude towards her and a careful monitoring of what I share verbally both with and about her. Until I can work through my own attitude adjustment it would also be best to limit inter-action with this relative. Currently I can not be sure that my bitterness and hurt wouldn' t spill over in a very negative way. As you pointed out this type of confrontation would not address the issue but just cause more gossip and hurt. Stony silent and a change of subject may be the best choice of reaction to gossip about other family members.
Sarah EastleySeptember 14, 2013
Excellent article. Thank you so much.
Ken PattersonSeptember 14, 2013
Remember that the Golden Rule is really do unto others as they would have done unto them. Treating others the way I want to be treated is not right, for I don't want to be treated as others would treat me, I want to be treated as I want to be treated. Good article.
Chuck WhickerSeptember 14, 2013
There is an imbalance in our teaching regarding judgment, and this article seems to uphold it. Every scriptural pattern indicates that judgment is a holy act, that requires maturity on our part, and not perfection. And yet more often than not, it is taught in the church as something that is forbidden. Everyone knows a parent must judge his or her little ones to know how to discipline them; a boss must judge an employee in behalf of the company; every person must judge his peers to determine compatibility; a military General must judge his soldiers to know whom to assign for positions of trust; citizens must judge those running for office, as well as those in office; etc., etc., etc. Also, there is a great deal of language corruption that has taken place, regarding this word, due to our constant miss-usage of it . Its ancient meaning was NOT synonymous with discernment, as implied in our usage of it today. Judgment, in the scriptures, includes in its meaning the concept of punishment, because it's real definition is to RESTORE OR IMPLEMENT JUSTICE. There is a lot of carelessness in the church's teachings on judgment today -- I see a distinct difference in Brigham Young's view of the word and that of today's church and leadership; and Brigham's teachings .were consistent with scriptural patterns. In other words, every aspect of life stands or falls upon proper judgments, or else failure to engage in the same. Judgment is what holds a society together and keeps it from being dissolved back into its native components, or tribes, who would otherwise abide in self-interest and compete for dominance like the animal world.
Debbie BakeSeptember 13, 2013
Wallace Goddard is one of my favorite writers for Meridian. Every article is based in scriptural truth that is stated in a clear, memorable, hands-on way. This article is no exception. Thank you. I know I can do better at not judging. Now I have some concrete ways I can bless and utilize the gifts that others have instead of focusing on why they would say or do such a thing to hurt me. I love gospel truths.
Diana MurphySeptember 13, 2013
This is such a thoughtful, nuanced, layered article on the complex dynamics of relationship. I enjoyed it. But the title is off-putting - it belies the lovely message that follows.
BevPSeptember 13, 2013
First, only He can fix. We can't. The best we can do is provide a safe space within which someone else can begin to try new ways of being. I'm sure families are ordained of God because there is no better place where we can see the need for the Atonement, repentance and forgiveness. Working together in the Church is a close second. When I am hurt or angered, I pray to see what it is that the Lord loves about the other person so much that He was willing to suffer and die for him/her. It generally works and I begin to see around my own hurt feelings. But I can't fix him/her, only the Lord can do that.
ADD A COMMENT