Children bring us our greatest joys and sorrows. President Spencer W. Kimball gave a great talk on adversity called Tragedy or Destiny. It is a very good talk. Google it.
President John Taylor speaking on infant mortality stated, statistically speaking, the total number of people who have died prior to the age of accountability is "more than one-half of the human family. (Reference: Taylor, Gospel Kingdom, 119.) More than 50%. I don't know if that include miscarriages. The point is, that is a lot of grieving parents. We also have been grieving parents. As President Kimball said in his talk. We can only see down the road a couple miles. Our loving Heavenly Father can see the begining to the end. Even the best parents can't beging to love their children like our Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ loves them. This I know. I am grateful for this knowledge.
ShawnFebruary 23, 2013
This article hits home for me and my wife. When my wife was 19 weeks along an ultrasound revealed her cervix was dilating. After an emergency cerclage our daughter had more time to incubate inside her mommy. The surgeon later said that he was 95% sure he would rupture the amniotic sack. If we had had the ultrasound only a day earlier the problem wouldn't have been noticed. A day later and it would have been too late. After 6 or 7 weeks of nearly complete bedrest, my wife developed a uterine infection that eventually required our little daughter to be born 13 weeks premature. Tiny as a toothpick, she came into the world. We weren't even able to find out whether she was a boy or girl before she was born. We already had a 5 year old boy who handled himself spectacularly during the whole ordeal, and who also didn't get to hold or meet his sister in person until 72 days after she was born (when she finally came home). 2 lbs, 11 oz and 13 inches has now become a nearly 2-year old firecracker who likes to be chased and twirls her hair when she's tired and falling asleep. Throughout the whole experience the phrase that occurred the most to me was "tender mercies". I don't know why he preserved our daughter when others have not been able to keep their children. We have a friend from our old ward who had a daughter a few years ago who only lived a few hours because of congenital defects. I know it's been very hard on her. I'd be lying if I said I understand exactly why things happen the way they do but I do know that God does not slumber nor sleep, regardless of the outcome. Thank you for sharing.
CherylFebruary 18, 2013
This was beautiful! I also had a preemie 8 weeks early due to preeclampsia, but mine deveoped over several weeks. They fortunately delivered me before I seized! I too think of the details every year at his birthday (he will be 3 this year). Isn't God amazing and so mindful of the details of our lives?
DianeFebruary 18, 2013
Thank you for sharing your story. I wept at reading it. I am one of those who lost a baby born too early, but I am glad to read that yours and you survived. From many experiences, I know that God is not asleep and I am grateful for His love and care even when He takes a little one home.
LeahFebruary 18, 2013
The loss of loved ones, Catherine, is so hard to bear. But to Heavenly Father, and in the eternal scheme of things, they still live - just with a different address - and they will be ours in the larger picture. I hope that doesn't feel flippant. I know from my own sad experience how hard it is to survive the loss of ones child, but even then the Lord is there with comfort. He does bind up the broken heart, wipe away our tears and give all relief our earthly souls can take in and with more to come later.
MaryannFebruary 18, 2013
Dear Catherine---Thank you so much for your sweet reply to my comments. I so much appreciate your sensitivity, and I know what you wrote is true--the Lord is mindful of all of us and I am sure one day we
will more fully understand why some are given life and others are taken home to Heavenly Father.
Jenny HatchFebruary 17, 2013
I wish the Medical Profession was more proactive in teaching all pregnant women, but especially mothers of multiples, the facts about maternal malnutrition and the effects that it has on pregnancy.
But because the doctors and the pharmacuetical profession that educates them are completely vested in finding drug and surgical solutions to the many complications that result when Mothers are inadequately nourished during pregnancy, it will still be some time before this is common knowledge.
In the spirit of sharing good information with those parents of multiples who desire to carry babes to term and grow to full birth weight, please review and then eat The Brewer Diet during pregnancy to prevent Toxemia and achieve a full term pregnancy.
https://www.drbrewerpregnancydiet.com/id32.html
Jenny Hatch
Childbirth Educator
WWW.JennyHatch.com
Catherine ArvesethFebruary 15, 2013
Dear Maryann, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wrote this a couple years ago. It ran originally on Segullah's blog, which has a smaller, more specific/personal readership. I did worry that running it here might make those for whom the outcome was different, feel pained, and ask as you did, "why not me?" I tried in the text to express that even when we are broken - so broken - and things don't appear to be working out as we would like, God is still watchful of us. Still at work in the details of our lives. Still able to create beauty from ashes and cause all things to work for our good. But I didn't develop that point because it wasn't the focus of the story.
Since writing this, my dearest, closest friend lost one of her twin babies during birth. I have never seen or known such mourning. Bottomless sorrow that halted her life, and in a way, mine. I have not personally experienced that kind of emptiness, and loss. But I cringe, even for her, that anyone reading this would think I am saying only things that work out as we would like equal a God that is mindful of us. As students and livers of the Lord's gospel, we know most irrefutably... that is not true. God's awareness and love during loss and hardship are especially real and tangibly felt. That is a truth worthy of focus for another piece of writing at some point. For now, I just wanted to say my heart is crushed for you. And I am troubled that this caused you pain. I do think it is right to confess God's hand in ALL our experiences. This just happens to be one of mine. My deepest apologies and condolences.
MaryannFebruary 15, 2013
My story is very different and it is the story of thousands of other moms--our babies did NOT survive. God is not only awake to save---He is awake when he takes away. He gave me comfort, but it took a full year for me to start feeling like my old self, and after all these years, it is still not easy. Sometimes I think accounts like this should be recorded in family journals, rather than publicly. Even though I am glad you have your girls, stories like this pierce my heart once again and I am left to ask: why not MY child? The statement "someone was watching over you" suggests that someone was NOT watching over me. Again, some spiritual stories are meant to be kept private. I am sure I am not the only one to shed tears every time I read or hear similar accounts.
Kathleen WhitworthFebruary 14, 2013
Thank you for sharing this. I remember my daughter telling me about this, but now I get the details. I love reading your blog and seeing the photos of your children as they grow. But I especially love that you share your talent for painting emotions and pictures so beautifully with words.
CindyFebruary 14, 2013
Beautiful. Just what I needed today...
HollandParkFebruary 13, 2013
So glad all was well. Having recently watched a Downton Abby episode where the new mother dies of eclampsia, I was riveted to your story. And while reading of all your miracles, kept thinking of talks by S. Michael Wilcox and Mary Ellen Edmunds about what do you do and how do you handle it when you do not get the miracles others get? When you get the destroying angel and death, and tragedy and sadness and crushed dreams? So I rejoice with you over your miracles and parting of the Red Sea and happy ending...and pray for others who don't get to have it turn out that way. We remember them too.
Thanks for a wonderful and thought provoking article.
Wally GoddardFebruary 13, 2013
Beautiful!
I'm so grateful those beautiful lives were preserved--all three.
Kathy JohnsonFebruary 13, 2013
Wow. That caught me off guard. I already knew the story I thought! But reading it here today I just WEPT! What a miracle of love. THANK you for putting it in perspective for me.
DeAnna DeBryFebruary 13, 2013
Beautiful, Catherine. You brought back similar memories of childbirth, and reminded me of that glorious song from Elijah. Tears help to keep our hearts tender.
Sandi wilkeFebruary 13, 2013
My fraternal twin daughters were born 38 years ago.No problems,but I just didn't know there were 2 babies until the first one was born.What joy to have them.God blessed my life and they are now both mothers.Your girls are beautiful! I was touched by your story!
katie cruiseFebruary 13, 2013
Well written. I remember my sister telling me the brief version of events. So many people following promptings and in the right place at the right time, even as simple as answering the phone.
Larry M. DayFebruary 13, 2013
A few years ago, while singing with the Rogue Valley Chorale, we sang in concert Mendelssohn's beautiful "He Watching Over Israel" [Slumbers Not, Nor Sleeps] from Elijah, Opus 70, No.29. After our concerts were done, and I couldn't get the song out of my head the following day, I sat down and re-read the lyrics while listening to a recording of the piece and like you, wept. This is one of the pieces of music I hope to hear Tabernacle Choir sing. I was immediately drawn to your article when I saw the title.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=plpp&v=RLdtvOoHAvM&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Beth HuletFebruary 13, 2013
Thank you, Catherine,
As usual, your article was so uplifting. I suppose that you will be having your "birthday prayers" with the cute twins (I loved that article too)!
Cousin Beth
Mike McConegheyFebruary 13, 2013
Wow, thanks!
Glenda HerbertFebruary 13, 2013
What a nice story! The value of each spirit is priceless! Thank you so much for sharing!
Comments | Return to Story
GregMarch 25, 2013
Children bring us our greatest joys and sorrows. President Spencer W. Kimball gave a great talk on adversity called Tragedy or Destiny. It is a very good talk. Google it. President John Taylor speaking on infant mortality stated, statistically speaking, the total number of people who have died prior to the age of accountability is "more than one-half of the human family. (Reference: Taylor, Gospel Kingdom, 119.) More than 50%. I don't know if that include miscarriages. The point is, that is a lot of grieving parents. We also have been grieving parents. As President Kimball said in his talk. We can only see down the road a couple miles. Our loving Heavenly Father can see the begining to the end. Even the best parents can't beging to love their children like our Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ loves them. This I know. I am grateful for this knowledge.
ShawnFebruary 23, 2013
This article hits home for me and my wife. When my wife was 19 weeks along an ultrasound revealed her cervix was dilating. After an emergency cerclage our daughter had more time to incubate inside her mommy. The surgeon later said that he was 95% sure he would rupture the amniotic sack. If we had had the ultrasound only a day earlier the problem wouldn't have been noticed. A day later and it would have been too late. After 6 or 7 weeks of nearly complete bedrest, my wife developed a uterine infection that eventually required our little daughter to be born 13 weeks premature. Tiny as a toothpick, she came into the world. We weren't even able to find out whether she was a boy or girl before she was born. We already had a 5 year old boy who handled himself spectacularly during the whole ordeal, and who also didn't get to hold or meet his sister in person until 72 days after she was born (when she finally came home). 2 lbs, 11 oz and 13 inches has now become a nearly 2-year old firecracker who likes to be chased and twirls her hair when she's tired and falling asleep. Throughout the whole experience the phrase that occurred the most to me was "tender mercies". I don't know why he preserved our daughter when others have not been able to keep their children. We have a friend from our old ward who had a daughter a few years ago who only lived a few hours because of congenital defects. I know it's been very hard on her. I'd be lying if I said I understand exactly why things happen the way they do but I do know that God does not slumber nor sleep, regardless of the outcome. Thank you for sharing.
CherylFebruary 18, 2013
This was beautiful! I also had a preemie 8 weeks early due to preeclampsia, but mine deveoped over several weeks. They fortunately delivered me before I seized! I too think of the details every year at his birthday (he will be 3 this year). Isn't God amazing and so mindful of the details of our lives?
DianeFebruary 18, 2013
Thank you for sharing your story. I wept at reading it. I am one of those who lost a baby born too early, but I am glad to read that yours and you survived. From many experiences, I know that God is not asleep and I am grateful for His love and care even when He takes a little one home.
LeahFebruary 18, 2013
The loss of loved ones, Catherine, is so hard to bear. But to Heavenly Father, and in the eternal scheme of things, they still live - just with a different address - and they will be ours in the larger picture. I hope that doesn't feel flippant. I know from my own sad experience how hard it is to survive the loss of ones child, but even then the Lord is there with comfort. He does bind up the broken heart, wipe away our tears and give all relief our earthly souls can take in and with more to come later.
MaryannFebruary 18, 2013
Dear Catherine---Thank you so much for your sweet reply to my comments. I so much appreciate your sensitivity, and I know what you wrote is true--the Lord is mindful of all of us and I am sure one day we will more fully understand why some are given life and others are taken home to Heavenly Father.
Jenny HatchFebruary 17, 2013
I wish the Medical Profession was more proactive in teaching all pregnant women, but especially mothers of multiples, the facts about maternal malnutrition and the effects that it has on pregnancy. But because the doctors and the pharmacuetical profession that educates them are completely vested in finding drug and surgical solutions to the many complications that result when Mothers are inadequately nourished during pregnancy, it will still be some time before this is common knowledge. In the spirit of sharing good information with those parents of multiples who desire to carry babes to term and grow to full birth weight, please review and then eat The Brewer Diet during pregnancy to prevent Toxemia and achieve a full term pregnancy. https://www.drbrewerpregnancydiet.com/id32.html Jenny Hatch Childbirth Educator WWW.JennyHatch.com
Catherine ArvesethFebruary 15, 2013
Dear Maryann, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wrote this a couple years ago. It ran originally on Segullah's blog, which has a smaller, more specific/personal readership. I did worry that running it here might make those for whom the outcome was different, feel pained, and ask as you did, "why not me?" I tried in the text to express that even when we are broken - so broken - and things don't appear to be working out as we would like, God is still watchful of us. Still at work in the details of our lives. Still able to create beauty from ashes and cause all things to work for our good. But I didn't develop that point because it wasn't the focus of the story. Since writing this, my dearest, closest friend lost one of her twin babies during birth. I have never seen or known such mourning. Bottomless sorrow that halted her life, and in a way, mine. I have not personally experienced that kind of emptiness, and loss. But I cringe, even for her, that anyone reading this would think I am saying only things that work out as we would like equal a God that is mindful of us. As students and livers of the Lord's gospel, we know most irrefutably... that is not true. God's awareness and love during loss and hardship are especially real and tangibly felt. That is a truth worthy of focus for another piece of writing at some point. For now, I just wanted to say my heart is crushed for you. And I am troubled that this caused you pain. I do think it is right to confess God's hand in ALL our experiences. This just happens to be one of mine. My deepest apologies and condolences.
MaryannFebruary 15, 2013
My story is very different and it is the story of thousands of other moms--our babies did NOT survive. God is not only awake to save---He is awake when he takes away. He gave me comfort, but it took a full year for me to start feeling like my old self, and after all these years, it is still not easy. Sometimes I think accounts like this should be recorded in family journals, rather than publicly. Even though I am glad you have your girls, stories like this pierce my heart once again and I am left to ask: why not MY child? The statement "someone was watching over you" suggests that someone was NOT watching over me. Again, some spiritual stories are meant to be kept private. I am sure I am not the only one to shed tears every time I read or hear similar accounts.
Kathleen WhitworthFebruary 14, 2013
Thank you for sharing this. I remember my daughter telling me about this, but now I get the details. I love reading your blog and seeing the photos of your children as they grow. But I especially love that you share your talent for painting emotions and pictures so beautifully with words.
CindyFebruary 14, 2013
Beautiful. Just what I needed today...
HollandParkFebruary 13, 2013
So glad all was well. Having recently watched a Downton Abby episode where the new mother dies of eclampsia, I was riveted to your story. And while reading of all your miracles, kept thinking of talks by S. Michael Wilcox and Mary Ellen Edmunds about what do you do and how do you handle it when you do not get the miracles others get? When you get the destroying angel and death, and tragedy and sadness and crushed dreams? So I rejoice with you over your miracles and parting of the Red Sea and happy ending...and pray for others who don't get to have it turn out that way. We remember them too. Thanks for a wonderful and thought provoking article.
Wally GoddardFebruary 13, 2013
Beautiful! I'm so grateful those beautiful lives were preserved--all three.
Kathy JohnsonFebruary 13, 2013
Wow. That caught me off guard. I already knew the story I thought! But reading it here today I just WEPT! What a miracle of love. THANK you for putting it in perspective for me.
DeAnna DeBryFebruary 13, 2013
Beautiful, Catherine. You brought back similar memories of childbirth, and reminded me of that glorious song from Elijah. Tears help to keep our hearts tender.
Sandi wilkeFebruary 13, 2013
My fraternal twin daughters were born 38 years ago.No problems,but I just didn't know there were 2 babies until the first one was born.What joy to have them.God blessed my life and they are now both mothers.Your girls are beautiful! I was touched by your story!
katie cruiseFebruary 13, 2013
Well written. I remember my sister telling me the brief version of events. So many people following promptings and in the right place at the right time, even as simple as answering the phone.
Larry M. DayFebruary 13, 2013
A few years ago, while singing with the Rogue Valley Chorale, we sang in concert Mendelssohn's beautiful "He Watching Over Israel" [Slumbers Not, Nor Sleeps] from Elijah, Opus 70, No.29. After our concerts were done, and I couldn't get the song out of my head the following day, I sat down and re-read the lyrics while listening to a recording of the piece and like you, wept. This is one of the pieces of music I hope to hear Tabernacle Choir sing. I was immediately drawn to your article when I saw the title. https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=plpp&v=RLdtvOoHAvM&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Beth HuletFebruary 13, 2013
Thank you, Catherine, As usual, your article was so uplifting. I suppose that you will be having your "birthday prayers" with the cute twins (I loved that article too)! Cousin Beth
Mike McConegheyFebruary 13, 2013
Wow, thanks!
Glenda HerbertFebruary 13, 2013
What a nice story! The value of each spirit is priceless! Thank you so much for sharing!
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