I feel so bad for you. We have been married for 28 years.
I was like your wife until about six months ago. I think my husband was just holding on but I know it was hard on him. To me, sex was another chore, like taking out the garbage. I was too tired and uninterested. We didn't talk about it without having a fight. I just couldn't figure out why he was so into making love.
My husband prayed that our marriage would get better. One day I happened to find the book by Laura Brotherson. I read it and it changed my life and our marriage.
Maybe your wife is like me, I didn't know it was a commandment to have sex. I didn't know I should like it and it was okay to like how I felt. I didn't know the small intricacies of my body. I wasn't educated, after 27 years of marriage, I had never taken the trouble to find out how our bodies worked and why even though I am the mother of four children.
I didn't realize that my body was made for me to feel sexual pleasure by my husbands touch, and that it was made that way on purpose by God! Looking back, I doubt I had many orgasms.
Now that I am more relaxed and have my Good Girl attitude adjusted, now that I know how long I need for fore-play and touching and what it takes to turn me on, all I can say is I love sex with my husband and can't get enough!
This is a huge change for me... Really huge. My husband can hardly get used to my new desire. I am 50 and finally feel liberated sexually.
So, don't give up on your wife. She needs to come to this on her own. If you can talk her into reading the book with real intent and a sincere celestial marriage eye, I think it will change her. Once my mind was changed, my desire increased. We now make love three or four times a week. I love the feeling that martial closeness brings.
I feel so bad that I missed out for 27 years on this wonderful God given gift. I feel very bad for my husband's pain all those years. I am passionate to help my children feel good and happy about really opening this gift given by God in marriage.
Your wife can feel so also. Just make sure that it isn't you who is telling her this stuff. That would have only made me mad. I felt trapped if I did have ex, and guilty if I didn't. I just never wanted it. The book was a great non- judgmental way for me to learn and hear what I needed to.
Good Luck, my heart is with you.
ToddOctober 12, 2013
I'm at a point in my marriage that thoughts of giving up have become more frequent. I feel like I've been living in a desert sexually with just enough sexual and intimate water to keep the relationship alive. I'm so sad that my wife views sex as a very low priority when I've expressed so many times how vital it is for me to feel happy and complete as a man. Looking back on 19 years of marriage so far (I'm42 now) I feel that had I known prior to getting married how little importance would be placed on this part of our relationship...I would never have married. I'm at a point where I almost don't even want to spend an eternity with her any longer. What's the point of marriage without an intimate sexual relationship as the anchor? Right now I'm only staying in my marriage because of our kids. I'm faithful, but I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it any longer. If things don't change I see divorce in our future once the kids are out of the house. This is not what I want, but it's up to her. I think this article hits the nail on the head. My wife seems to hold way to many negative internalizations about sex. Last time I was rejected, I asked why she never wanted me to touch her in a sexual way....it's not petting when you're married. We're not teenagers who might cross the line and become sinners. We're married.
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LOctober 12, 2013
I feel so bad for you. We have been married for 28 years. I was like your wife until about six months ago. I think my husband was just holding on but I know it was hard on him. To me, sex was another chore, like taking out the garbage. I was too tired and uninterested. We didn't talk about it without having a fight. I just couldn't figure out why he was so into making love. My husband prayed that our marriage would get better. One day I happened to find the book by Laura Brotherson. I read it and it changed my life and our marriage. Maybe your wife is like me, I didn't know it was a commandment to have sex. I didn't know I should like it and it was okay to like how I felt. I didn't know the small intricacies of my body. I wasn't educated, after 27 years of marriage, I had never taken the trouble to find out how our bodies worked and why even though I am the mother of four children. I didn't realize that my body was made for me to feel sexual pleasure by my husbands touch, and that it was made that way on purpose by God! Looking back, I doubt I had many orgasms. Now that I am more relaxed and have my Good Girl attitude adjusted, now that I know how long I need for fore-play and touching and what it takes to turn me on, all I can say is I love sex with my husband and can't get enough! This is a huge change for me... Really huge. My husband can hardly get used to my new desire. I am 50 and finally feel liberated sexually. So, don't give up on your wife. She needs to come to this on her own. If you can talk her into reading the book with real intent and a sincere celestial marriage eye, I think it will change her. Once my mind was changed, my desire increased. We now make love three or four times a week. I love the feeling that martial closeness brings. I feel so bad that I missed out for 27 years on this wonderful God given gift. I feel very bad for my husband's pain all those years. I am passionate to help my children feel good and happy about really opening this gift given by God in marriage. Your wife can feel so also. Just make sure that it isn't you who is telling her this stuff. That would have only made me mad. I felt trapped if I did have ex, and guilty if I didn't. I just never wanted it. The book was a great non- judgmental way for me to learn and hear what I needed to. Good Luck, my heart is with you.
ToddOctober 12, 2013
I'm at a point in my marriage that thoughts of giving up have become more frequent. I feel like I've been living in a desert sexually with just enough sexual and intimate water to keep the relationship alive. I'm so sad that my wife views sex as a very low priority when I've expressed so many times how vital it is for me to feel happy and complete as a man. Looking back on 19 years of marriage so far (I'm42 now) I feel that had I known prior to getting married how little importance would be placed on this part of our relationship...I would never have married. I'm at a point where I almost don't even want to spend an eternity with her any longer. What's the point of marriage without an intimate sexual relationship as the anchor? Right now I'm only staying in my marriage because of our kids. I'm faithful, but I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it any longer. If things don't change I see divorce in our future once the kids are out of the house. This is not what I want, but it's up to her. I think this article hits the nail on the head. My wife seems to hold way to many negative internalizations about sex. Last time I was rejected, I asked why she never wanted me to touch her in a sexual way....it's not petting when you're married. We're not teenagers who might cross the line and become sinners. We're married.
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