There's a lot of "Satan this" and "Satan that" in these posts. As Jennifer so eloquently and compassionately reminds us, LOTS of people are born with and cannot change their same gender attraction. Scientists have now identified specific genes that contribute to the condition. For Jennifer's son and others who are born with this, it has nothing at all to do with Satan. This is not the 1600s in Salem, Massachusetts. Show some love and tenderness.
Maryann TaylorFebruary 3, 2021
The big push in society today is to "normalize" everything. Although people who are attracted to the same sex are a small percentage of our population, I am noticing them showing up increasingly in books, television and conversations. The more Satan can entice us to focus on abnormal behavior, the more accepting we become. I realize that there is a huge difference between someone with same sex attraction who is keeping the Lord's law of chastity, and someone who is acting on it. However, PLEASE let us not join the world in normalizing the behavior.
JenniferFebruary 2, 2021
When my son came out to me as gay I was so very sad, especially for the challenge it would pose to him throughout his life. One of the first things I did was to schedule an appointment with a therapist. He shared with me numbers from his personal therapy practice. He said that 25% of those experiencing same-sex attraction struggle because of childhood abuse which has skewed their feelings. Another 25% have viewed same-sex pornography. This is a group that he sometimes can help overcome their same-sex attraction. The other 50% truly are born with those feelings and nothing can change that. There are those who successfully marry but they are the exception, not the rule. There are many stories of those who attempt to marry someone of the opposite success and it leads to deep heartache. This therapist said that dealing with same-sex attraction is second only to schizophrenia in difficulty among his patients. The point I want to make is that those of us who don't have these feelings haven't the slightest idea of what it is like. Instead of judgement, perhaps we should extend kindness and compassion. "Mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." My son is one of the kindest and most service-oriented people I know. He is bright and talented. He is also struggling to find his place in the church he grew up loving and served a mission teaching others about. There are those that say that these people should just live their lives alone. For many that is not a healthy option due to depression. I don't know what path my son will take but he will always have a loving place to come home to. I would remind us all of the words of the Savior, "He that is without sin, let him cast the first stone." Let's worry about keeping our own covenants and the commandment to "love our neighbor as ourselves."
LarissaFebruary 1, 2021
To those who are saying being gay or transgender is “not normal”,or “not the way that Heavenly Father intended them to be”. Please consider the viewpoint that being gay is separate from having a physical relationship with someone of the same sex. There is more to being gay than romantic relationships to the same sex. For example, My feminine qualities as a straight woman influence more than my physical attraction to the opposite sex, my feminine qualities also include being organized, nurturing and compassionate.
Please take some time to attempt to see things from a LGBTQ persons framework, they are as much a child of God and worthy of His love as you are.
I would recommend the book, Without The Mask by Charlie Bird for a unique religious LDS perspective on being gay. Even if it doesn’t change your views it makes you better informed and thus more qualified to interpret the complexities of the challenges of being LGBTQ.
DavidDFebruary 1, 2021
Is it "normal" for someone to be born blind or missing a limb? If the answer is no, do we shun and persecute them? We know that for many people who are gay, it's truly not a choice any more than being born blind is a choice. So, if a person is born blind or with same gender attraction, did God make a mistake?
Jim AFebruary 1, 2021
3rd Attempt to post. Is there a problem?
I have enjoyed Geoff's column in the past and the topics have sparked good conversations. This is a case where he should have been more careful in his reply.
To jump to the conclusion that the boyfriend is cruel, harsh, and dehumanizing is just wrong. I would be curious how Geoff would have responded if it had been the boyfriend asking if he should marry someone who is not committed to raising children to walk the covenant path and honor the doctrines of the gospel. Or, my girlfriend wont allow us to hang "The Family a Proclamation" in our home. Being loving and kind does not mean being accepting of immorality, adultery, and indulgent sexual practices. This was two people having a discussion of basic feelings and doctrines. The boyfriend wasn't in anyone's face. Geoff omits the fact that as loving and kind the Savior was, he always called those he taught to repentance. The first principles of the gospel are faith-repentance. They go together.
In this case, it is best to remember that "the study of doctrine does more to change behavior, then the study of behavior changes behavior".-BK Packer
While there may be things to iron out between these two in their path towards marriage, it is a two way street, the boyfriend has some legitimate concerns as well. A lesson to all members of the church during these cancel culture, amoral, and a-religious times is to hold to the doctrines and follow the prophet to the temple and to gathering Israel by teaching that happiness comes through walking the covenant path. Future generations deserve our commitment to stand firm and immovable.
BillJanuary 31, 2021
Transgender and gay is not normal. Satan wants to destroy families. We can be civil to them but saying it is normal is dilusional.
Mike GriffithJanuary 31, 2021
Homosexual conduct is not normal. The apostle Paul called it "unnatural." It is also physically unhealthy conduct. However, the boyfriend's statement that if any of his kids told him they were gay he would cut them out of his life is going to an unhealthy extreme. "Love the sinner, hate the sin" is a wise saying.
We should also consider the fact that liberals have been using gay rights to launch a frontal assault on religious freedom. Gay rights groups and their allies have filed numerous lawsuits to try to force private religious schools to abandon their moral codes. They have also tried to get private religious schools stripped of their eligibility to receive federal education dollars in the form of Pell Grants and federal student loans. In addition, they have filed lawsuits to try to force churches to hire gays as clergy and to force them to perform gay weddings against their will.
JulieJanuary 30, 2021
People who think they're gay aren't the way Heavenly Father intends His children to be. But I believe they can be treated the same way as straight single for life people. We can encourage them to be the best aunt or uncle there is, put their all into their calling and their job. It doesn't have to mean that they can't do good things still. And live the law of chastity. There are people in my stake who consider themselves gay and just keep living the Gospel because that's what's most important to them.
Geoff-AusJanuary 29, 2021
I would be wanting to know his attitude to his wife achieving her potential as a human being equal to him. If he is enthusiastic about discriminating against lgbti children, that is often part of a package of beliefs, that will manifest in other areas.
Ed GayhartJanuary 29, 2021
I don’t get it. Being gay or transgendered is not normal. No amount of political correctness or cancelling changes that eternal truth.
I ask - how do you teach children being gay is normal without teaching them the behavior is acceptable?
You must teach children to love every one and still instill in them eternal morals, principles and perspectives.
Joline WalgamottJanuary 29, 2021
Thank you for this beautiful article. It is one that I will print out and save for future reference and strive to adopt the attributes outlined myself!
Laurie PollardJanuary 29, 2021
Excellent response!!!
CharlieBrown2292January 29, 2021
For a variety of reasons I married someone out of the faith, but who was committed to invetigating the gospel with me and for raising our children as Latter-Day Saints. But when one my sons engaged into a pre-marital relationship with his girlfriend,at 18 she was adamant that his behavior was acceptable and that I should go along with it, including allowing her to stay overnight with him, which I refused.
This happened 24 years after we were married, and it came as a surprise to me that all she had learned about the gospel and its blessings did not necessarily change her views about premarital sex...so beware, because as much as people may be nice and good-willing, change over time is never guaranteed!
Bob PowelsonJanuary 29, 2021
The young lady who is worried about the attitude of her boyfriend on LGBT people related that the boyfriend did not think such people were "normal". She then added that his idea on raising their potential children in a hardline way to believe the same.
I have a similar view to the boyfriend. Such people are not normal, that is a simple fact. The teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are all about moral and good and evil. That does not mean we persecute them but it does not mean that we accept conduct as normal.
As evidence of that is the divine creation of God's people. Put very simply; "male and female, created he them". The boyfriend's desire to teach and "insulate" your future children from that conduct is a good thing.
Boyfriend sounds afraidJanuary 29, 2021
Great advice. The boyfriend also sounds scared. Some men seem to have a deep-seated fear about gays and try desperately to find ways to make sure nothing like this happens in their families, believing it's caused somehow. If you "fight" enough, it stays away. How does he treat his girlfriend's sister? That would be telling.
KenJanuary 29, 2021
This one I have some disagreements with. I too believe Trans or Gay is not normal. Neither of these can reproduce and continuation of the species is normal. If he's young, life experiences can change him. The same goes for her. Why does she believe he is deficient and that she is not? If he has rough edges (as we all do), he will have experiences to polish those edges. Agreed, how he reacts to others matters, but opinions can be held while treating others kindly.
Comments | Return to Story
DavidDFebruary 3, 2021
There's a lot of "Satan this" and "Satan that" in these posts. As Jennifer so eloquently and compassionately reminds us, LOTS of people are born with and cannot change their same gender attraction. Scientists have now identified specific genes that contribute to the condition. For Jennifer's son and others who are born with this, it has nothing at all to do with Satan. This is not the 1600s in Salem, Massachusetts. Show some love and tenderness.
Maryann TaylorFebruary 3, 2021
The big push in society today is to "normalize" everything. Although people who are attracted to the same sex are a small percentage of our population, I am noticing them showing up increasingly in books, television and conversations. The more Satan can entice us to focus on abnormal behavior, the more accepting we become. I realize that there is a huge difference between someone with same sex attraction who is keeping the Lord's law of chastity, and someone who is acting on it. However, PLEASE let us not join the world in normalizing the behavior.
JenniferFebruary 2, 2021
When my son came out to me as gay I was so very sad, especially for the challenge it would pose to him throughout his life. One of the first things I did was to schedule an appointment with a therapist. He shared with me numbers from his personal therapy practice. He said that 25% of those experiencing same-sex attraction struggle because of childhood abuse which has skewed their feelings. Another 25% have viewed same-sex pornography. This is a group that he sometimes can help overcome their same-sex attraction. The other 50% truly are born with those feelings and nothing can change that. There are those who successfully marry but they are the exception, not the rule. There are many stories of those who attempt to marry someone of the opposite success and it leads to deep heartache. This therapist said that dealing with same-sex attraction is second only to schizophrenia in difficulty among his patients. The point I want to make is that those of us who don't have these feelings haven't the slightest idea of what it is like. Instead of judgement, perhaps we should extend kindness and compassion. "Mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." My son is one of the kindest and most service-oriented people I know. He is bright and talented. He is also struggling to find his place in the church he grew up loving and served a mission teaching others about. There are those that say that these people should just live their lives alone. For many that is not a healthy option due to depression. I don't know what path my son will take but he will always have a loving place to come home to. I would remind us all of the words of the Savior, "He that is without sin, let him cast the first stone." Let's worry about keeping our own covenants and the commandment to "love our neighbor as ourselves."
LarissaFebruary 1, 2021
To those who are saying being gay or transgender is “not normal”,or “not the way that Heavenly Father intended them to be”. Please consider the viewpoint that being gay is separate from having a physical relationship with someone of the same sex. There is more to being gay than romantic relationships to the same sex. For example, My feminine qualities as a straight woman influence more than my physical attraction to the opposite sex, my feminine qualities also include being organized, nurturing and compassionate. Please take some time to attempt to see things from a LGBTQ persons framework, they are as much a child of God and worthy of His love as you are. I would recommend the book, Without The Mask by Charlie Bird for a unique religious LDS perspective on being gay. Even if it doesn’t change your views it makes you better informed and thus more qualified to interpret the complexities of the challenges of being LGBTQ.
DavidDFebruary 1, 2021
Is it "normal" for someone to be born blind or missing a limb? If the answer is no, do we shun and persecute them? We know that for many people who are gay, it's truly not a choice any more than being born blind is a choice. So, if a person is born blind or with same gender attraction, did God make a mistake?
Jim AFebruary 1, 2021
3rd Attempt to post. Is there a problem? I have enjoyed Geoff's column in the past and the topics have sparked good conversations. This is a case where he should have been more careful in his reply. To jump to the conclusion that the boyfriend is cruel, harsh, and dehumanizing is just wrong. I would be curious how Geoff would have responded if it had been the boyfriend asking if he should marry someone who is not committed to raising children to walk the covenant path and honor the doctrines of the gospel. Or, my girlfriend wont allow us to hang "The Family a Proclamation" in our home. Being loving and kind does not mean being accepting of immorality, adultery, and indulgent sexual practices. This was two people having a discussion of basic feelings and doctrines. The boyfriend wasn't in anyone's face. Geoff omits the fact that as loving and kind the Savior was, he always called those he taught to repentance. The first principles of the gospel are faith-repentance. They go together. In this case, it is best to remember that "the study of doctrine does more to change behavior, then the study of behavior changes behavior".-BK Packer While there may be things to iron out between these two in their path towards marriage, it is a two way street, the boyfriend has some legitimate concerns as well. A lesson to all members of the church during these cancel culture, amoral, and a-religious times is to hold to the doctrines and follow the prophet to the temple and to gathering Israel by teaching that happiness comes through walking the covenant path. Future generations deserve our commitment to stand firm and immovable.
BillJanuary 31, 2021
Transgender and gay is not normal. Satan wants to destroy families. We can be civil to them but saying it is normal is dilusional.
Mike GriffithJanuary 31, 2021
Homosexual conduct is not normal. The apostle Paul called it "unnatural." It is also physically unhealthy conduct. However, the boyfriend's statement that if any of his kids told him they were gay he would cut them out of his life is going to an unhealthy extreme. "Love the sinner, hate the sin" is a wise saying. We should also consider the fact that liberals have been using gay rights to launch a frontal assault on religious freedom. Gay rights groups and their allies have filed numerous lawsuits to try to force private religious schools to abandon their moral codes. They have also tried to get private religious schools stripped of their eligibility to receive federal education dollars in the form of Pell Grants and federal student loans. In addition, they have filed lawsuits to try to force churches to hire gays as clergy and to force them to perform gay weddings against their will.
JulieJanuary 30, 2021
People who think they're gay aren't the way Heavenly Father intends His children to be. But I believe they can be treated the same way as straight single for life people. We can encourage them to be the best aunt or uncle there is, put their all into their calling and their job. It doesn't have to mean that they can't do good things still. And live the law of chastity. There are people in my stake who consider themselves gay and just keep living the Gospel because that's what's most important to them.
Geoff-AusJanuary 29, 2021
I would be wanting to know his attitude to his wife achieving her potential as a human being equal to him. If he is enthusiastic about discriminating against lgbti children, that is often part of a package of beliefs, that will manifest in other areas.
Ed GayhartJanuary 29, 2021
I don’t get it. Being gay or transgendered is not normal. No amount of political correctness or cancelling changes that eternal truth. I ask - how do you teach children being gay is normal without teaching them the behavior is acceptable? You must teach children to love every one and still instill in them eternal morals, principles and perspectives.
Joline WalgamottJanuary 29, 2021
Thank you for this beautiful article. It is one that I will print out and save for future reference and strive to adopt the attributes outlined myself!
Laurie PollardJanuary 29, 2021
Excellent response!!!
CharlieBrown2292January 29, 2021
For a variety of reasons I married someone out of the faith, but who was committed to invetigating the gospel with me and for raising our children as Latter-Day Saints. But when one my sons engaged into a pre-marital relationship with his girlfriend,at 18 she was adamant that his behavior was acceptable and that I should go along with it, including allowing her to stay overnight with him, which I refused. This happened 24 years after we were married, and it came as a surprise to me that all she had learned about the gospel and its blessings did not necessarily change her views about premarital sex...so beware, because as much as people may be nice and good-willing, change over time is never guaranteed!
Bob PowelsonJanuary 29, 2021
The young lady who is worried about the attitude of her boyfriend on LGBT people related that the boyfriend did not think such people were "normal". She then added that his idea on raising their potential children in a hardline way to believe the same. I have a similar view to the boyfriend. Such people are not normal, that is a simple fact. The teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are all about moral and good and evil. That does not mean we persecute them but it does not mean that we accept conduct as normal. As evidence of that is the divine creation of God's people. Put very simply; "male and female, created he them". The boyfriend's desire to teach and "insulate" your future children from that conduct is a good thing.
Boyfriend sounds afraidJanuary 29, 2021
Great advice. The boyfriend also sounds scared. Some men seem to have a deep-seated fear about gays and try desperately to find ways to make sure nothing like this happens in their families, believing it's caused somehow. If you "fight" enough, it stays away. How does he treat his girlfriend's sister? That would be telling.
KenJanuary 29, 2021
This one I have some disagreements with. I too believe Trans or Gay is not normal. Neither of these can reproduce and continuation of the species is normal. If he's young, life experiences can change him. The same goes for her. Why does she believe he is deficient and that she is not? If he has rough edges (as we all do), he will have experiences to polish those edges. Agreed, how he reacts to others matters, but opinions can be held while treating others kindly.
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