The parent closed with "Satan is working hard on her." Who is he not working hard on? The parent and I imagine it to be a mother, sounds like perhaps the bigger issue is the daughter's current (lack of) belief than who she is dating. Dr. Julie Hanks just published some infographics on her facebook page addressing things to say or not say to someone having a faith crisis. This could come in very useful to analyze what you are really saying about your daughter. Seek for ways to really connect with them both. Find out what he loves, what makes him tick, why does she think he's so awesome. You can't change anyone else, so work on your own radical acceptance of her (and your) less than ideal situation. If you express a lot of outrage and self righteousness, it will likely push them both away and then you lose the connection you are so worried about. She already knows what you think and believe and hounding her with that is not helpful. Reach out with love and tenderness and support. If there is abuse, then caution her, but ultimately she's going to do what she wants, so let your relationship stay solid so when things get rough she will return to you. You're not her savior, she already has one, just be her mother.
Jan KingFebruary 8, 2020
A possible dialogue might include "of course my fondest wish has always been that you would marry in the temple the way dad and I did, but more importantly that your marriage partner will love and honor you that you may have a happy and healthy life together!"
JoFebruary 7, 2020
Thank you for this article. I am having a very similar problem and this has helped me tremendously! Thank you!
KateFebruary 7, 2020
Thank you for this very insightful and respectful answer. I have reread it several times and intend to use it as a blueprint as I move forward with an adult child who has made choices that I wish were different, but that I understand are her own personal path and not mine to determine. I especially appreciate the idea that we both need to honor each other's experience, that both are important.Very well said--thanks again.
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Been thereFebruary 25, 2020
The parent closed with "Satan is working hard on her." Who is he not working hard on? The parent and I imagine it to be a mother, sounds like perhaps the bigger issue is the daughter's current (lack of) belief than who she is dating. Dr. Julie Hanks just published some infographics on her facebook page addressing things to say or not say to someone having a faith crisis. This could come in very useful to analyze what you are really saying about your daughter. Seek for ways to really connect with them both. Find out what he loves, what makes him tick, why does she think he's so awesome. You can't change anyone else, so work on your own radical acceptance of her (and your) less than ideal situation. If you express a lot of outrage and self righteousness, it will likely push them both away and then you lose the connection you are so worried about. She already knows what you think and believe and hounding her with that is not helpful. Reach out with love and tenderness and support. If there is abuse, then caution her, but ultimately she's going to do what she wants, so let your relationship stay solid so when things get rough she will return to you. You're not her savior, she already has one, just be her mother.
Jan KingFebruary 8, 2020
A possible dialogue might include "of course my fondest wish has always been that you would marry in the temple the way dad and I did, but more importantly that your marriage partner will love and honor you that you may have a happy and healthy life together!"
JoFebruary 7, 2020
Thank you for this article. I am having a very similar problem and this has helped me tremendously! Thank you!
KateFebruary 7, 2020
Thank you for this very insightful and respectful answer. I have reread it several times and intend to use it as a blueprint as I move forward with an adult child who has made choices that I wish were different, but that I understand are her own personal path and not mine to determine. I especially appreciate the idea that we both need to honor each other's experience, that both are important.Very well said--thanks again.
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