I haven't seenmy daughter or her family for 12 years, am so sad but I am here for them. I live my life for them and the granddaughters causeI know things will get better in the future. I am 75, my Marie is 35. I believe your advice will help. My both grandparents set the pattern for me. My grandfather born in 1874, died in1944 when I was born was an orphan. My maternal grandparents came here in 1918 from England leaving parents and 11 siblings after. W.w.I and WW II. My Dad left for France, (Irish) to become an artist after he was in WWII. He hadn't yetmaturedto the family . we are a family in the making - but other things grew in this sort-of family.. We grew into a new Canada, with founding two separate cultures (French and English) and one very wealthy and the other very poor and, because of our circumstances helped to separate the two cultures from becoming two solitudes.!! Now that is pretty intricate but family being held back from evolving. Thank God we met the elders who brought us to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I have, though out the years, allowed my children and their spouses determine the type of relationship they and their children will have with us. It isn’t that we do not care but respect our adult children as parents within their own families. The consequence of this has been that we have different types of relationships with each of our children’s children. I’ve also observed with my own children that daughters tend to be more open to your presence than sons. They, in turn, typically are closer to their spouse’s parents. Of course there are exceptions, but my friends have had the same experience. You are correct in saying you love them to pieces. Just as with our children, most of us would walk to the ends of the earth for any one of them (assuming we were able). Each is a blessing to our family.
I enjoyed this article. I have only been grandmother for like a year and a half. She always brightens my day.
What do you do when your daughter decides she doesn’t want us to get close to our grandchildren, who we simply adore. We were the kind of grandparents who loved there grandchildren dearly. Now we aren’t supposed to see them. Heartbreaking!
I am looking forward to more within your up coming posts. Please if you could a question or two.
How do I get past my anxious feelings of spending time with the Grandchildren? I never feel like I can measure up to ... how to play with them or finding things to talk about. I am a very introverted person.
How to make meaningful conversation with the Grandchildren. You speak about meaningful exchange. This makes me just more anxious. Thank you.
What a delightful subject matter. My husband & I have lived in different parts of the world and recently retired in the SLC valley area to be with our children & grandchildren. Our challenge is that our 4 daughter-in-laws have all dug their heals in with choosing to have 90% of their time with their families, not my husband & I (parents of the husbands), While we continue to be active in other areas of our lives, understandably this has left a big hole in our hearts. We are unable to be of any significance to our grandchildren who are all under the age of 7. Any guidance from you would be appreciated, thank you.
I hope you will address a grandparents role with discipline of grandchildren (teenage) while in the grandparents home! Some disagreement here......I could use some help better understanding our role, please. Issues where we did not tolerate our own kids to behave this way.......should we not expect similar behavior? (consistancy?)
I’m grateful this subject is being addressed and explored! I want to be an effective grandparent. My two grandsons are just 3 and 1 year old currently and live on the other side of the country. I get to physically see them maybe 3 to 4 times a year (so far only in their home). My daughter left church activity when she married a Christian young man opposed to our faith. So my grandsons will be learning about Jesus at least, but my particular brand of belief may not always be welcome in my communication of faith with my grandsons. I want them foremost to feel my love, I want to be a part of their lives, But I want to be respected and understood too. So far on this journey I alternate between grief and pure joy. I want to do this right and look forward to your articles. I will be studying them for suggestions about how to proceed. In talking to many of my friends I know I’m not alone in the situation of grandchildren not being raised in and familiar with the beliefs and covenants of their ancestors.
Oh, those grandchildren. So darling and cuddly when they are babies and adorably approachable when they are a bit older. But...then...they become teenagers. And then they are pieced, tattooed young adults making immoral choices. And even more challenging, they claim to no longer believe in a God, any God. Let alone the God I know and love. This is when walking the hard road along side of them becomes even more critical. Yes, it's difficult to just listen to them and not pontificate. But I have found preaching to have little to no effect. So mostly I ask questions, let them voice their thoughts, and make sure they know I love them. Occasionally, I gently voice my beliefs. And then I pray...a lot. And hope...a lot. And trust that our Heavenly Father has got this.
I live several hours away from my grandchildren. I am disabled and traveling is difficult. I don't get to see them very often.
We often sit behind the Eyre's family in Sacrament Meeting so when Linda and Richard visit their children and grandchildren here, we can see and feel the pure love they share having their young grandchildren sit with them, on them and around them. I have learned as I watch them love and uplift their precious grandchildren. Now I am pleased to learn more from them every week.
Thanks for your column on grandparenting; I'm looking forward to it. As to my grandparenting style, with five sons and five grandkids among them, I'm all over the place! Your column has worthwhile ideas for me, and has allowed me to see how I can go about nurturing my little ones, some of them not so little. Thank you!
I love this article! Looking forward to more.
I saw my mother in law as a wonderful example of what a grandparent should/could be and have given our grandchildren the same respect and love she had for all of her grandchildren. Now all ours are in their teens it never ceases to make my heart sing when they tell us how much they love us. We love so much spending time with all of them and at times individually. We have always had the greatest fun and I love sharing gospel messages with them along with family stories. Their is nothing that I know of quite like being a grandmother.
I’m so excited about your about your column on grandparenting. I want to be a great grandparent but could really use some help. I’m going to look forward to Tuesday and some concrete ideas to inspire me on the road ahead. Thank you for addressing this topic. I appreciate the hard copy so I can ponder and create my own file
We have 30 grandkids, some out of state, and feel like we are not keeping up with our relationships with them the way we’d like. More suggestions would be welcome!
Thank you so much for this article. Three of my grandparents were deceased before I was born. My grandmother passed when I was 2 years old. We lived far from either of my parents families. I do not have an example of how to be a grandparent. I have 12 grandchildren. I know I will gain the insight I need to be through your articles. I appreciate the help.
Looking forward to learning with you. I cherish my role as "Mimi"
Thank you both for this article-we are looking forward very much to this series.
Our "Joy School" kids are now having THEIR kids, and so the story goes forward.
Thank you for doing this series. I have 11 grandchildren and the hope of a few more to come. I’m looking forward to all ideas on how to leave a meaningful legacy with each one of them
I'm excited about this series! With 19 grandkids scattered throughout the globe, I hope to get some ideas in how to stay connected. One thing I started several years ago was to send a letter to one each week. I try to include some story from my childhood at their same age. Hard to remember sometimes!! I'd like to do more though, so send those ideas!
Thank you for this! I have 21 grandchildren and one great-Grand. I live far away from all of them and you’ve given me hope that I can gather them through texting messages of love and knowledge. I look forward to your articles!
My husband is a disengaged grandparent to the core and wants "nothing" to do with his children or grand children. I "try" to be proactive every chance I get. But it becomes a "problem" with us two at home, and almost a fight. I am in the situation of choosing constantly who to engage with 24/7, husband or my kids and grand kids. I try to keep peace at home and still be a grandparent, but boy oh boy, it's getting harder as he ages. GREAT article and one so many need to read. I am sharing it with everyone I know. Grandparents just aren't mentioned very often and there are situations like mine that are so uncomfortable and unhappy. THANK YOU for this excellent article, loved it!!
Thank you for this series!! Thank you for your wisdom and willingness to share it with us! I followed you both as a young mother and now as a “young” grandmother. Your influence on my life is greatly appreciated.
This article teaches to the ideal.
For those of us who don’t have such circumstances prayer is often all that is possible. Thank goodness our Heavenly Parents respond to prayers in behalf of those we can not grandparent as suggested
I enjoyed this article. Will you be touching on “boundaries “ when an adult child and her children ( my grandchildren) live with us? It’s exhausting, even though there are special moments too.
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