As a man I can hardly be expected to fully empathize with what you and other daughters of Father had gone through in like circumstances, but I have a daughter-in-law who did. 12 hours before labor was to be induced she was informed that a heartbeat could no longer be detected, yet she still had to go through the gut-wrenching experience of natural childbirth living with no expectations whatsoever. But she and her husband (one of my six sons) were real troopers and have remained stalwart and faithful ever since that event. It is my personal belief -- which I expressed to them -- that if the spirit of John the Baptist was already present in the fetus Elizabeth was carrying at age 6 months (as evidenced by his ability to recognize Mary and the baby she was carrying) that they have no need to worry as long as they themselves remain faithful to their covenants.
ScottHJanuary 24, 2020
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability in such a poignant manner. My parents almost never mentioned the stillborn boy that Mom carried to full term between my birth and the birth of my younger brother. Nor did they often mention the three miscarriages Mom had between the birth of my younger brother and the birth of our baby brother.
It is only in recent years that I have begun to grasp the extreme challenges my parents (especially Mom) faced as they grappled with these wrenching trials. Your article has helped expand my empathy.
I'm not sure of all the reasons behind the church's records policy on stillborn children, except that there is no revealed doctrine on the matter. Perhaps cases are unique enough that a general policy of inclusion would prove a poor fit.
What I can say is that in the case of my stillborn brother, I had a sacred experience with him a few weeks before Mom passed away. Although my parents did not give the child a name, I now know his name and I know that he is actively fulfilling callings in his sphere that include ministering to my family and those of my siblings. Peace be with you.
Corrine ParkesJanuary 22, 2020
I'm so thankful you wrote this. I'm a woman, and I was told through Father's patriarch, that I'd have to wait for children. The longing of a mothering heart is nothing compared to a mother's pain and longing. I'm so sorry that you must wait to know your daughter. Thank you for the course you found, the anchor of the truths of the gospel. You are an example to everyone who reads this, parent or not.
Don NesbittJanuary 21, 2020
I love what I found in the Red HandbookII
Stillborn Children (Children Who Die before Birth)
Temple ordinances are not performed for stillborn children. However, this does not deny the possibility that a stillborn child may be part of the family in the eternities. Parents are encouraged to trust the Lord to resolve such cases in the way He knows is best. The family may record the name of a stillborn child on the family group record, followed by the word stillborn in parentheses.
Vic DietzJanuary 21, 2020
“It is deafening, the silence a dead baby makes.” So eloquent, so poignant. Your willingness to share is an act of ministry at the most tender level. I choose to believe children are ours when they stir with life; the Church made an administrative selection many decades ago that is simply that, an objective,administrative standard based on now primitive medical standards. I look forward to meeting our miscarried child with a peace born of similar searching and a discovery of faith. Bless you.
J COLLINS MEEKJanuary 20, 2020
Dear Kim White, Thank you for sharing the ecstasy and the agony. I don't know what your personal revelation was, but here is mine. Our little one was stillborn, but she got what she came to earth for: her body. So, of course, after a while, we named her, and she is on record with the province's vital statistics and in our family records, and on the records of the Church. We look forward to meeting her on the other side when we graduate. She just graduated stunningly early. All love to you and your little sweetheart. - Doc Meek, Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada, Jan 20. 2020
Janene BaadsgaardJanuary 20, 2020
I feel deep sadness for the pain you have experienced. I had three babies die before they were born. I wrote an article for the Ensign Magazine concerning these matters and was told by church authorities that stillborn (those who would have survived if born alive) children can be named and placed on your family group records. Miscarriages (those who would not have survived if born alive) have no set guidance - yet parents may certainly get their own personal answer from God about their precious child.
Margie MJanuary 20, 2020
So beautifully written.Wrenches my heart even though four of mine were early miscarriages. You still feel cheated for a while. I came across a book of a mother who died briefly during her delivery of a deceased little girl and she saw and experienced the other side. It gives hope and some understanding. I recommend it to you. It is 'Led by the Hand of Christ" (a woman's journey to Paradise--and back) by Suzanne Freemans as told to Shirley Bahlmann. May God continue to bless you with choicest blessings in your life. Love and hugs, Margie
Bambi KochJanuary 20, 2020
I am so sorry for your loss. I am grateful for the strength you have gained in response to your trial and for helping me to understand.
It's been over 25 years since I suffered my final miscarriage; I've had four. It was a girl, after having had five boys. I have few "whys" in life, but this is one of them.
Perhaps now I can finally begin to put this away and come to terms with it, leaving the why for Heavenly Father.
kokoJanuary 20, 2020
What a heart-wrenching and beautiful story. I'm so glad you were able to hold your sweet baby girl. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for putting into words something so difficult. Thank you for helping us understand even a little bit.
AaronJanuary 20, 2020
What can I say but thank you for sharing such a personal and sacred expression of joy, pain, anguish and comfort. God bless you and your precious little girl.
RobbieJanuary 20, 2020
I feel your hurt, angst and all the rest of your suffering having gone through a similar experience many years ago . I never got to hold my baby and there was no counciling. I stumbled on thru tears with family and friends not sure what to do or say. There were no answers but I always knew my heavenly Father was there for me and over time the pain and sadness lessened but the memory has never disappeared.
Allison DunlapJanuary 20, 2020
My brother was an ob-gyn and came across this heart wrenching scenario many times in his work. He wrote several letters to general authorities and while nothing official was given, he was told in reply these children are ours for the eternities. My own mother suffered a stillborn pregnancy and a 5 month miscarriage. As a family, directed by this older brother, we named these two baby boys that are now on our family records. I look forward to the day I get to meet and know these two brothers of mine!, James and Robert!
bettejgaJanuary 20, 2020
So beautifully written that although it has been 36 years since our baby was stillborn, I could feel it as though it were now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your amazing talent.
Thaylene BarrettJanuary 20, 2020
Thank you for this incredible piece of heart-wrenching truth. It's been 38 years, but every excruciating and wonderful memory was activated by your amazing words.
CarolineJanuary 20, 2020
This happened to my son and daughter-in-law a year and a half ago and without their testimonies of the restored gospel I don't see how they would be surviving it. The funeral with the little casket was so comforting because of the truths of eternal families and an eventual reunion with their baby boy Nicholas. So, so sad, but so grateful for the gospel.
Comments | Return to Story
Mitch BordenJanuary 24, 2020
As a man I can hardly be expected to fully empathize with what you and other daughters of Father had gone through in like circumstances, but I have a daughter-in-law who did. 12 hours before labor was to be induced she was informed that a heartbeat could no longer be detected, yet she still had to go through the gut-wrenching experience of natural childbirth living with no expectations whatsoever. But she and her husband (one of my six sons) were real troopers and have remained stalwart and faithful ever since that event. It is my personal belief -- which I expressed to them -- that if the spirit of John the Baptist was already present in the fetus Elizabeth was carrying at age 6 months (as evidenced by his ability to recognize Mary and the baby she was carrying) that they have no need to worry as long as they themselves remain faithful to their covenants.
ScottHJanuary 24, 2020
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability in such a poignant manner. My parents almost never mentioned the stillborn boy that Mom carried to full term between my birth and the birth of my younger brother. Nor did they often mention the three miscarriages Mom had between the birth of my younger brother and the birth of our baby brother. It is only in recent years that I have begun to grasp the extreme challenges my parents (especially Mom) faced as they grappled with these wrenching trials. Your article has helped expand my empathy. I'm not sure of all the reasons behind the church's records policy on stillborn children, except that there is no revealed doctrine on the matter. Perhaps cases are unique enough that a general policy of inclusion would prove a poor fit. What I can say is that in the case of my stillborn brother, I had a sacred experience with him a few weeks before Mom passed away. Although my parents did not give the child a name, I now know his name and I know that he is actively fulfilling callings in his sphere that include ministering to my family and those of my siblings. Peace be with you.
Corrine ParkesJanuary 22, 2020
I'm so thankful you wrote this. I'm a woman, and I was told through Father's patriarch, that I'd have to wait for children. The longing of a mothering heart is nothing compared to a mother's pain and longing. I'm so sorry that you must wait to know your daughter. Thank you for the course you found, the anchor of the truths of the gospel. You are an example to everyone who reads this, parent or not.
Don NesbittJanuary 21, 2020
I love what I found in the Red HandbookII Stillborn Children (Children Who Die before Birth) Temple ordinances are not performed for stillborn children. However, this does not deny the possibility that a stillborn child may be part of the family in the eternities. Parents are encouraged to trust the Lord to resolve such cases in the way He knows is best. The family may record the name of a stillborn child on the family group record, followed by the word stillborn in parentheses.
Vic DietzJanuary 21, 2020
“It is deafening, the silence a dead baby makes.” So eloquent, so poignant. Your willingness to share is an act of ministry at the most tender level. I choose to believe children are ours when they stir with life; the Church made an administrative selection many decades ago that is simply that, an objective,administrative standard based on now primitive medical standards. I look forward to meeting our miscarried child with a peace born of similar searching and a discovery of faith. Bless you.
J COLLINS MEEKJanuary 20, 2020
Dear Kim White, Thank you for sharing the ecstasy and the agony. I don't know what your personal revelation was, but here is mine. Our little one was stillborn, but she got what she came to earth for: her body. So, of course, after a while, we named her, and she is on record with the province's vital statistics and in our family records, and on the records of the Church. We look forward to meeting her on the other side when we graduate. She just graduated stunningly early. All love to you and your little sweetheart. - Doc Meek, Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada, Jan 20. 2020
Janene BaadsgaardJanuary 20, 2020
I feel deep sadness for the pain you have experienced. I had three babies die before they were born. I wrote an article for the Ensign Magazine concerning these matters and was told by church authorities that stillborn (those who would have survived if born alive) children can be named and placed on your family group records. Miscarriages (those who would not have survived if born alive) have no set guidance - yet parents may certainly get their own personal answer from God about their precious child.
Margie MJanuary 20, 2020
So beautifully written.Wrenches my heart even though four of mine were early miscarriages. You still feel cheated for a while. I came across a book of a mother who died briefly during her delivery of a deceased little girl and she saw and experienced the other side. It gives hope and some understanding. I recommend it to you. It is 'Led by the Hand of Christ" (a woman's journey to Paradise--and back) by Suzanne Freemans as told to Shirley Bahlmann. May God continue to bless you with choicest blessings in your life. Love and hugs, Margie
Bambi KochJanuary 20, 2020
I am so sorry for your loss. I am grateful for the strength you have gained in response to your trial and for helping me to understand. It's been over 25 years since I suffered my final miscarriage; I've had four. It was a girl, after having had five boys. I have few "whys" in life, but this is one of them. Perhaps now I can finally begin to put this away and come to terms with it, leaving the why for Heavenly Father.
kokoJanuary 20, 2020
What a heart-wrenching and beautiful story. I'm so glad you were able to hold your sweet baby girl. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for putting into words something so difficult. Thank you for helping us understand even a little bit.
AaronJanuary 20, 2020
What can I say but thank you for sharing such a personal and sacred expression of joy, pain, anguish and comfort. God bless you and your precious little girl.
RobbieJanuary 20, 2020
I feel your hurt, angst and all the rest of your suffering having gone through a similar experience many years ago . I never got to hold my baby and there was no counciling. I stumbled on thru tears with family and friends not sure what to do or say. There were no answers but I always knew my heavenly Father was there for me and over time the pain and sadness lessened but the memory has never disappeared.
Allison DunlapJanuary 20, 2020
My brother was an ob-gyn and came across this heart wrenching scenario many times in his work. He wrote several letters to general authorities and while nothing official was given, he was told in reply these children are ours for the eternities. My own mother suffered a stillborn pregnancy and a 5 month miscarriage. As a family, directed by this older brother, we named these two baby boys that are now on our family records. I look forward to the day I get to meet and know these two brothers of mine!, James and Robert!
bettejgaJanuary 20, 2020
So beautifully written that although it has been 36 years since our baby was stillborn, I could feel it as though it were now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your amazing talent.
Thaylene BarrettJanuary 20, 2020
Thank you for this incredible piece of heart-wrenching truth. It's been 38 years, but every excruciating and wonderful memory was activated by your amazing words.
CarolineJanuary 20, 2020
This happened to my son and daughter-in-law a year and a half ago and without their testimonies of the restored gospel I don't see how they would be surviving it. The funeral with the little casket was so comforting because of the truths of eternal families and an eventual reunion with their baby boy Nicholas. So, so sad, but so grateful for the gospel.
michael hogganJanuary 20, 2020
I am deeply sorry for your loss.
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