Some parts of this may provide some possible perspective, but remember this cuts both ways. The husband could actually be a controlling, narcissistic momma’s boy. And that would deem be considered abusive. And as a marriage counselor only see similar behaviors get worse over time. Verbal and psychological abuse can weigh a heavy burden for a spouse to carry by themselves. Yes the red flags as another commentedsuch as “ he will miss me” as an excuse stands out.
Sorry -- I totally agree he is controlling, to the point that he won't even let her visit her family. You have some good points about not comparing amounts of time, but he has her daughter totally controlled.
excellent advise,play it by ear,it's hard but it pays off in the future,stay away from saying nasty things!
From the beginning of our marriage my husband had such a hard time growing up & breaking away from his family; a mother that used money to buy her children's loyalty,dinners,tv and home comforts (theirs was better, while his dad served him etc. etc. I fell into their family routine only to have it almost destroy me in the end because I was never good enough for them. Leave and cleave involves both partners and the daughter may not have the strength of will (I didn't for many decades) to see the situation clearly and stand up for herself. How I wish both parents would let their children go in a healthy manner when marrying.
Reading this I saw some red flags. "He would miss her too much"...
Spends all of his time with his family--neglecting hers. After 4 years of marriage, I would think she could get away to visit her family. Could it be that he is a controlling narcissist? I have seen these instances too often now to not pay attention to what is "between the lines".
Excellent advice. Holy cow, if only every parent could read this. My life would have been so different and f we hadn’t had to try so hard to have the balancing scale of time with each side. It’s never equal and can’t be. I still feel guilty from my in-laws telling us our first year of marriage, that we spend more time with my family than them.
I totally disagree with you, he is controlling.
This could have been written by me. I am experiencing the exact situation with my daughter and son-in-law as this woman. So I really appreciate this advice, and know that I am not the only one who is dealing with this type of situation. It is definitely hard to see my daughter, who also lives out of state, when she comes to the county where both her parents & in-laws live, they will spend the majority of time with the in-laws. Reading this brought some peace to my mind and heart. Thanks again for sharing.
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