With what little we know from the letter the dear sister wrote, I don't know if my situation applies or not.
The moment we married my wife had to arrange everything in our lives. Including where I was reading in my personal scripture study. And, when we discussed what we were reading together in the scriptures, every conclusion I made was wrong and she would try to force me to say she was right. (I was a life-long member; she a convert of 2 years, but she believed she knew the scriptures far better than me.) The amazing thing is that the Sunday School teacher can make the same conclusions as me and be right in her eyes - that's when I just gave up trying to study with my wife. Decades later, we can't do the 'Come Follow Me' together because I am still always wrong.
Going to the temple has become easier now that I am retired and she is the breadwinner - I am able to attend without seeking permission from her calendar.
There is no porn addiction or other such issue in our home. Just someone who has to be right and has to control the calendar for both of us.
I'm a convert who married a nonmember. He was hostile to the Church, then joined the Church, then got his temple recommend. Then he started backsliding. He comes to church every Sunday, but is reluctant to do scripture study, refuses to pay tithing, etc. Everything seems like pulling teeth.
Here's the thing-my spiritual progress is my responsibility. Not his. I still go to the temple, pay tithing, etc. Always have, always will. I will be forever grateful to President Nelson for changing the temple ordinance script in such a way, that the progression of every sister does not depend on her husband. This was a big stumbling block for me in the past. Let's not pretend that that wasn't implied when it clearly was, for so long. I think this made for a lot of nervous sisters and resentful brothers.
Never turn down a chance to go to sacrament meeting or to the temple. And never make someone else's choices a reason to neglect your personal relationship with the Savior. That's all we can call our own when all is said & done. Don't make it about trying to change your husband. Make it about your own inherent worth as a daughter of Heavenly Father.
To "Question" and "Lori". Please, do not give up. To "Question": The change from "dating" to "committed marriage" is filled with emotional pitfalls, and many spouses don't manage these transitions well. Your spouse seems very much overwhelmed with being a true "temple" husband. His work schedule changes may have complicated this. Consider any wholesome work schedule changes that can be made. It may help. Beyond this, follow the Savior's example: "I stand at the door and knock" and "My arms are outstretched still." Meaning, always have a loving space for him, and ever pray that the Lord will draw him into it. Finally, tenderly, gently and lovingly have a true "heart-to-heart" from time-to-time, ensuring he knows of your love, and the importance of these things. Consider sharing with your bishop, if you feel prompted, for possible further help. And ever remember the power of prayer and personal revelation.
To "Lori", please, please recognize the significance of the words "to be a Savior on Mount Zion." It refers to our opportunity to stand in the redeeming work of the Savior. He who "paid for something the he had not done" and "for sins He had not committed. Why? Pure Love" (May 2018 Ensign). You are a tool in the Savior's hands, in behalf of your husband. As you do your part, truly great blessings will follow. It can help so much, if you see the wonderful role you are in. In this life, spouses struggle. At church, people may fail us. But the Savior will "never, no never, no never forsake" (Hymn 85), for we are *all* "graven on the palms" of His hands. I so feel your sorrow. Marriage is meant to be so much more than you are experiencing. Trust that the Lord has trusted you to carry this marriage forward. At church, look for the lonely and isolated. As a youth, feeling left out at church, my now deceased father taught me that when I felt alone and even rejected, it can change everything when I look for others I can serve. It really works. Be prayerful, humble, trusting and willing. May you both be blessed.
The writer keeps saying she knows her husband is worthy. She can't be 100% sure of that point. I know, I was married to someone who was a return missionary and he acted the same way. Come to find out he had a porn addcition. I tried for 18 years to make it and had 2 kids when I finally had to pull the plug.
When I was 54 I met and married a man I thought was strong LDS and by the end of the year he wasn't going to church anymore unless I insisted for his teen daughter's sake who didn't want to go either. 15 years later, now, he still refuses to go to church but puts up with watching general conference but has zero interest in ever being involved again. He hasn't stated any quarrel with the church, just doesn't want to be asked to do anything anymore and has no interest in scripture study or praying together. I have quit going to church because I just cry and feel lonely. My kids moved so far away I can't be a grandma or mom anymore and my husband pretty much only cares about himself. The romantic forever family fable can be a nightmare for many of us. My last husband didn't think the kids and I were worth being kind to either and he was addicted to porn. I joined the church in 1974 because I wanted to feel part of a family and belong to something kind and good after a lonely childhood. The ministering program has been a flop in my area. We have no home teachers or visiting teachers anymore so I have no connection at all since our ward split. I give up.
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