This article was spot on! Our youngest daughter was diagnosed with an adult-onset pediatric brain tumor 7 years ago. She was 25 at the time, happy teaching elementary school, in a vibrant YSA ward in another state. She had surgery right away, radiation, then a year of chemo and physical/occupational therapy. She was left with some diminished skills, unable to return to teaching, no driving, and had to move back home with us. Her grief was heartbreaking! Life as she’d known it was gone, dreams dashed. Gratefully, she had mega support from family and friends. But her grief manifest itself often, and it included raising her voice and snapping at me (totally NOT her gentle self!). It cut me to the core, but I knew she was grieving and bit my tongue. But after a few months, I cratered. One day when she snapped at me, I looked her in the eyes and tearily told her she didn’t need to yell at me, I was only trying to help. She looked shocked, and said “did I yell at you”? She didn’t even realize what she’d done, and felt badly. We talked about it, and although her grief went on for a long time, she never raised her voice rudely again. And over time she has learned to accept her “new life” and in many ways is thriving. She knows she’s greatly blessed.
For too much of my life, I tried to stuff down my real feelings. But it did not work. We need to acknowledge the reality of what has happened to us and learn to label our emotions correctly. Grief is real. Betrayal is real. Pain is real. We cannot forgive people who wronged us if everyone continues to insist we have no right to feel angry or hurt. The sin must be acknowledged before it can be forgiven. Anything less than that and we will explode in an angry outburst that destroys rather than heals. We cannot come to terms with loss if we are made to feel we are making too much of it.
I cannot empathize with all pain. I do not know what it means to lose a child. But I can offer friendship and sympathy because I have lost friends and other family members. And I appreciate your reminder that I should.
I can appreciate your article. When our daughter died 6 months ago, though we have strong testimonies of the gospel. We still grieve because we miss her. That said because she had a chronic illness we have been comforted to know that she is healed. Right from the moment that she left her body. How amazing Heavenly Father can know that she had lived her life enough and brought her safely home.
This article is a Keeper! It’s a...print it out in “hard copy” to keep, refer to and share. It is PERFECT!!!
With DEEP and sincere gratitude for sharing it!
K. Chin, Modesto, CA
Thank you for this article! The loss of a loved one is definately one of the most recognized types of grief - but is not the only one. Grieving is a natural human response - and can be triggered by many different things. A few years ago I wrote about grief on my blog (http://messofmusings.blogspot.com/2013/12/good-grief.html?m=0). There is no timeline for grief, steps can be repeated as many times as needed - giving the illusion to others and self that no progress is being made. Community support is very important as you skillfully pointed out. Thanks again!
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