It is entirely possible that the daughter in this story lacked respect and kindness. However, as someone who is a caretaker for an elderly mother, I want to share another possible perspective. A few years ago that daughter might have been me. If I tried to fill out forms at the doctor’s office without asking for my mother’s input (even though I knew the answers) she would view it as an assault upon her independence—as if I didn’t consider her really there. I, too, would sometimes need to loudly ask her the questions since even with hearing aids she struggles to hear with the background noise of doctor’s offices. I admit that I would not have asked that specific question out loud. But what if I had? A few years ago my mother had a short-term reaction to a post-surgery medication she had been on that caused her to feel depressed and hopeless. If she had said she felt hopeless most of the time, I would have ached for her as I did every single day during that time, but I would not have reacted in the doctor’s office since I already was well aware of that side effect and knew there was nothing we could do until she recovered from that reaction. Those in the doctor’s office would not have seen all of the other moments when I tried to patiently encourage, uplift and support her day after day. I was, and still am, dedicated to my mother who I love dearly. At the same time, being a caretaker in such a situation is emotionally draining for many reasons. There were times back then when I found myself struggling with feelings of hopelessness. Those who observed me with my mother in several challenging situations where things might have appeared one way didn’t know the entire story. Offering compassion and support instead of judgment is another form of respect—and when I received that compassion as I struggled to do the best I was able in caring for my mom, it was a much needed tender mercy. We have to be very careful when we judge others not really knowing the full story.
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BrynnJune 27, 2019
It is entirely possible that the daughter in this story lacked respect and kindness. However, as someone who is a caretaker for an elderly mother, I want to share another possible perspective. A few years ago that daughter might have been me. If I tried to fill out forms at the doctor’s office without asking for my mother’s input (even though I knew the answers) she would view it as an assault upon her independence—as if I didn’t consider her really there. I, too, would sometimes need to loudly ask her the questions since even with hearing aids she struggles to hear with the background noise of doctor’s offices. I admit that I would not have asked that specific question out loud. But what if I had? A few years ago my mother had a short-term reaction to a post-surgery medication she had been on that caused her to feel depressed and hopeless. If she had said she felt hopeless most of the time, I would have ached for her as I did every single day during that time, but I would not have reacted in the doctor’s office since I already was well aware of that side effect and knew there was nothing we could do until she recovered from that reaction. Those in the doctor’s office would not have seen all of the other moments when I tried to patiently encourage, uplift and support her day after day. I was, and still am, dedicated to my mother who I love dearly. At the same time, being a caretaker in such a situation is emotionally draining for many reasons. There were times back then when I found myself struggling with feelings of hopelessness. Those who observed me with my mother in several challenging situations where things might have appeared one way didn’t know the entire story. Offering compassion and support instead of judgment is another form of respect—and when I received that compassion as I struggled to do the best I was able in caring for my mom, it was a much needed tender mercy. We have to be very careful when we judge others not really knowing the full story.
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