I feel badly for this man. I detect not an ounce of awareness on the part of the woman of the reality that all men suffer from the cumulative effects of visual temptation. Her definition and expectation is that a godly man is a perfect one. How much more productive this marital conversation would have been if she had not made it about her and her marriage but about helping him sort through what got him there and how he felt for having indulged. The response was equally immature.
What one person might describe as art, e.g., in the first half of the last century many deemed jazz music to be inferior, now it is held in esteem. In a marriage situation, one partner does not control the others taste in media, clothes, etc. If ones partner enjoys something the other doesn’t, it’s okay. My father collected postage stamps, which was of no interest to my mother. I’ve been to a number of places, in Riyadh, one might consider BYU dances to be trashy. It is just a matter of perspective about an undefinable standard.
When someone shows who they are, believe them!
I have been in this situation. My Husband is on the Autism Scale (high functioning), and working through this situation has been a literal hell. He can't understand why I would be upset. There are some times when Christ like love is the ONLY thing that will save a marriage. Very difficult.
Of additional note: If he wants "to change his stance on media" to include "basically dressed up porn," they have further "trust" and couples issues to address. I hope they won't focus only on issues of deception, but will include the damage that significant changes in these particular standards will have on their relationship over time.
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