A thrice divorced friend said: "It is better to be wishing you were married than to be wishing you were not." Although you have suffered much, there is hope for healing. And gratitude that you did not let yourself get roped into another terrible relationship.God bless you and my prayers are with you.
DTApril 30, 2019
Thank you for addressing a very important topic. To the reader who wrote in, may I recommend she google The Julie Rowe Show. Julie has many podcasts. There is 1 on abuse, and many other helpful topics. Listening to her podcasts has gone very far in healing me, besides (of course) the gospel and healing power of Jesus Christ's atonement. I also recommend the current Sunday School study - Come, Follow Me. It is powerful and healing to all, even to us who did not experience love and kindness from those who we trusted.
ChuckApril 27, 2019
Thanks for your kind-hearted, professional reply to this woman. My daughter experienced some physical abuse, and a lot of verbal/emotional abuse, for years. She ended that wretched marriage several years ago, and is now dating a good (also kind-hearted) man, a school teacher who is good for her and her two sweet daughters. I really appreciate what this guy is doing for them. I hope this lady incorporates your advice into her life.
coraApril 27, 2019
Geoff, thank you for your compassionate, insightful and informative answer. And, thank you Meridian for addressing the difficult topics. Our daughter was in an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage. She is struggling to heal, find her self-worth, and not let fear and distrust rule her life. Emotional and verbal abuse are forms of domestic violence. Often the perpetrator has a narcissistic personality and they are able to make the victim look the 'crazy one'. I wish that bishops and stake presidents were more educated and informed to spot this type of abuse and unrighteous dominion.
Velia Coleman, CMHC, RNApril 26, 2019
Great article and I'd like to add an important comment about your tendency to get involved with other 'unhealthy' men. You've probably been conditioned to tolerate and accept demeaning treatment from abusive men. Seek a counselor or Psychologist specializing in deep psyche damage that can assist you in identifying and respecting your 'gut responses' to their first abusive or maybe sarcastic remarks. These are red flags about the person's abusive nature. Too easily, many people dismiss or minimize their uncomfortable or negative feelings around an unhealthy person to 'keep the boat from rocking'. Too many excuses we give ourselves for not respecting our responses. That is the Spirit warning you! Take care and God bless.
Old GuyApril 26, 2019
My wife is an LCSW who specializes in working with abuse victims, so we talk on the topic a lot. I have to say this was a beautiful reply to the letter. Absolutely beautiful. The reason that verbal abuse is so absolutely damaging is because we eventually believe what is being said and inferred about us. The children's book "The Secret Garden" says it best: when you hear something about yourself enough times you start to believe it. We can heal from the physical abuse, but the person who heals from verbal abuse is far and few between. I am retirement age, but I am still fighting to overcome verbal abuse of my childhood that has left me with a lifetime of self-doubt and self-hatred. (When I was a child, therapy was looked at as "bad" and a crutch only a "weak boy" would seek.) The person who wrote this letter could very possibly benefit from time spent with a therapist to help her shift through the verbal abuse and recognize the lies so she can rid herself of them. God bless her!
Angelsings. (Genia Stephenson)April 26, 2019
Thank you for your spot-on, insightful & viable input, especially, that verbal/emotional abuse can be as debilitating & damaging (if not more so) than physical abuse. A portion of a person withers away & dies when they've experienced any type of abuse. Do not remain in an abusive relationship. There are resources for help. And, find a good therapist; do not suppress your feelings because that will cause more damage to your overall psychological & physical well-being. Like yourself enough to see your worth.
AnnekeApril 26, 2019
Thank you for this article! Yes, until you can find a measure of healing, the verbal abuse affects future relationships, and not in a good way. I hope this piece will encourage those who have suffered from verbal abuse to get the help/healing they need and find peace.
Comments | Return to Story
MichaelMay 6, 2019
A thrice divorced friend said: "It is better to be wishing you were married than to be wishing you were not." Although you have suffered much, there is hope for healing. And gratitude that you did not let yourself get roped into another terrible relationship.God bless you and my prayers are with you.
DTApril 30, 2019
Thank you for addressing a very important topic. To the reader who wrote in, may I recommend she google The Julie Rowe Show. Julie has many podcasts. There is 1 on abuse, and many other helpful topics. Listening to her podcasts has gone very far in healing me, besides (of course) the gospel and healing power of Jesus Christ's atonement. I also recommend the current Sunday School study - Come, Follow Me. It is powerful and healing to all, even to us who did not experience love and kindness from those who we trusted.
ChuckApril 27, 2019
Thanks for your kind-hearted, professional reply to this woman. My daughter experienced some physical abuse, and a lot of verbal/emotional abuse, for years. She ended that wretched marriage several years ago, and is now dating a good (also kind-hearted) man, a school teacher who is good for her and her two sweet daughters. I really appreciate what this guy is doing for them. I hope this lady incorporates your advice into her life.
coraApril 27, 2019
Geoff, thank you for your compassionate, insightful and informative answer. And, thank you Meridian for addressing the difficult topics. Our daughter was in an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage. She is struggling to heal, find her self-worth, and not let fear and distrust rule her life. Emotional and verbal abuse are forms of domestic violence. Often the perpetrator has a narcissistic personality and they are able to make the victim look the 'crazy one'. I wish that bishops and stake presidents were more educated and informed to spot this type of abuse and unrighteous dominion.
Velia Coleman, CMHC, RNApril 26, 2019
Great article and I'd like to add an important comment about your tendency to get involved with other 'unhealthy' men. You've probably been conditioned to tolerate and accept demeaning treatment from abusive men. Seek a counselor or Psychologist specializing in deep psyche damage that can assist you in identifying and respecting your 'gut responses' to their first abusive or maybe sarcastic remarks. These are red flags about the person's abusive nature. Too easily, many people dismiss or minimize their uncomfortable or negative feelings around an unhealthy person to 'keep the boat from rocking'. Too many excuses we give ourselves for not respecting our responses. That is the Spirit warning you! Take care and God bless.
Old GuyApril 26, 2019
My wife is an LCSW who specializes in working with abuse victims, so we talk on the topic a lot. I have to say this was a beautiful reply to the letter. Absolutely beautiful. The reason that verbal abuse is so absolutely damaging is because we eventually believe what is being said and inferred about us. The children's book "The Secret Garden" says it best: when you hear something about yourself enough times you start to believe it. We can heal from the physical abuse, but the person who heals from verbal abuse is far and few between. I am retirement age, but I am still fighting to overcome verbal abuse of my childhood that has left me with a lifetime of self-doubt and self-hatred. (When I was a child, therapy was looked at as "bad" and a crutch only a "weak boy" would seek.) The person who wrote this letter could very possibly benefit from time spent with a therapist to help her shift through the verbal abuse and recognize the lies so she can rid herself of them. God bless her!
Angelsings. (Genia Stephenson)April 26, 2019
Thank you for your spot-on, insightful & viable input, especially, that verbal/emotional abuse can be as debilitating & damaging (if not more so) than physical abuse. A portion of a person withers away & dies when they've experienced any type of abuse. Do not remain in an abusive relationship. There are resources for help. And, find a good therapist; do not suppress your feelings because that will cause more damage to your overall psychological & physical well-being. Like yourself enough to see your worth.
AnnekeApril 26, 2019
Thank you for this article! Yes, until you can find a measure of healing, the verbal abuse affects future relationships, and not in a good way. I hope this piece will encourage those who have suffered from verbal abuse to get the help/healing they need and find peace.
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