Hi Anonymous, please contact me on my website at www.geoffsteurer.com and I'll respond to you personally.
ChuckApril 2, 2019
For two years, I conducted the church program on Addiction Recovery and Healing in my stake. A 27-year-old woman in my program was there because her addiction was in controlling people, especially her husband. Eventually, she thought he was having an affair (he wasn't, she said), so she went out and was unfaithful to him. When he found out, he was unfaithful to her. They had two precious little girls, ages 7 and 5 y.o. They ultimately divorced, and those precious children have to grow up in that situation because their parents didn't talk to each other about their problems.
Does this person stay? Does she leave? Talking about it is the first step, and it won't solve all problems---but it's an essential first step. The writer cannot control her spouses' actions, but neither does he control her reactions to his actions. My best to them both---they have a very hard path to follow.
AnonymousApril 2, 2019
So what are my options if I’m 3.5 years into therapy, separate individual and couples, with therapists that did it the “wrong” way? We did do a disclosure/impact process in the beginning, but I never felt emotionally safe (still don’t) my boundaries weren’t/aren’t respected by my spouse and there is/was no accountability by my spouse. I felt couples therapy made the situation worse. Couples therapy seemed to blame me for half the problem (I’m not a fan of Sue Johnson). My spouse may or may not still be looking at pornography (I suspect that they are) and I know they still lie to me about other things, like where our money goes, etc. I feel zero empathy from my spouse. Our therapists act like I need to be patient, that the therapy is working. But I’m not seeing or feeling it. Do we start over with new therapists? Do I just be patient? Do I leave?
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Geoff SteurerApril 3, 2019
Hi Anonymous, please contact me on my website at www.geoffsteurer.com and I'll respond to you personally.
ChuckApril 2, 2019
For two years, I conducted the church program on Addiction Recovery and Healing in my stake. A 27-year-old woman in my program was there because her addiction was in controlling people, especially her husband. Eventually, she thought he was having an affair (he wasn't, she said), so she went out and was unfaithful to him. When he found out, he was unfaithful to her. They had two precious little girls, ages 7 and 5 y.o. They ultimately divorced, and those precious children have to grow up in that situation because their parents didn't talk to each other about their problems. Does this person stay? Does she leave? Talking about it is the first step, and it won't solve all problems---but it's an essential first step. The writer cannot control her spouses' actions, but neither does he control her reactions to his actions. My best to them both---they have a very hard path to follow.
AnonymousApril 2, 2019
So what are my options if I’m 3.5 years into therapy, separate individual and couples, with therapists that did it the “wrong” way? We did do a disclosure/impact process in the beginning, but I never felt emotionally safe (still don’t) my boundaries weren’t/aren’t respected by my spouse and there is/was no accountability by my spouse. I felt couples therapy made the situation worse. Couples therapy seemed to blame me for half the problem (I’m not a fan of Sue Johnson). My spouse may or may not still be looking at pornography (I suspect that they are) and I know they still lie to me about other things, like where our money goes, etc. I feel zero empathy from my spouse. Our therapists act like I need to be patient, that the therapy is working. But I’m not seeing or feeling it. Do we start over with new therapists? Do I just be patient? Do I leave?
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