This is about respect. You show respect for them by letting them absent themselves from gospel study. They should show you respect by allowing you to practise your faith in your own home.
I second Maureen's comments! Most of my children are active, but I currently have an adult son with his wife and young daughter living with me. They say they don't want to have any 'churchy' stuff. Yes, we do have home standards which means he has to take a walk to smoke his cigarette. At first I was determined to force things, but as I prayed and pondered, I learned that Gospel teaching comes in many forms, the greatest of which is to simply love. By example and by spending time together. My bedroom door is open, so they see me pray and read scriptures. I sometimes try to involve them in a project for my calling, or to help neighbors or others in the ward. This isn't 'churchy', this is just being good neighbors. We talk. It's not a formal lesson, but it is a discussion. Most often it's just about 'stuff', but it gives me an opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings AND listen to theirs.
I've discovered that as I do these things, opportunities arise. Just last week my daughter-in-law and I spent almost two hours looking for her family records in Family Search! I hope and pray that is what the Savior would do, and I truly believe it is. We can't force others (What is that hymn? God will force no man to heaven). We just lead with love and light. Best wishes in your journey!
Three of our four grown children have left the church after having been raised with its principles and having attended meetings their entire lives while at home, and graduated from seminary. All are living respectable lives but have picked up worldly lifestyles that keep them from enjoying the full blessings of the Spirit. Because they are adults, we have little influence over their choices EXCEPT through: example, prayer, our own temple and church attendance, and scripture and other study that keep us within the sphere of influence of the Spirit as much as possible to be ready with inspired guidance as it is needed; and at your children's stage of life, it will be needed. It has been made clear that force is not the Savior's way, but while they are in your home, you have the opportunity to let them see and to express firsthand how a united effort to live gospel principles bless and inspire. There will be golden moments when you will find authentic ways of sharing how this happens in your adult lives as you follow through yourselves with the gospel centered home program and invite them each time to join you. This is a difficult time as children struggle to establish their own identities and make choices with long lasting consequences, but if you stick to your own covenant path, they will respect that and eventually may choose to receive the same blessings with you.
First, be clear with your children that while you love them, this is your home and you will set the rules. They are not going to control what you teach or practice in your own home.
Second, try discussing principles of life that flow from the doctrine, not the doctrine itself. It is the difference between sharing your belief in the afterlife with someone whose child has just died and diagramming the Plan of Salvation for them. One is a cool drink, the other a firehouse of water knocking them over. Ask what they think is the correct choice and why they believe it. Help them to learn to reason out their behaviors. The wonderful thing about the gospel is that it really is the path to lasting happiness. Help them to see how consequences follow bad choices.
Third, let your children witness you praying, fasting, studying the scriptures and repenting. Model for them the behavior of Christ. That is what makes a home Christ centered.
I am going through a similar situation. But my family members who live with my wife and me ask questions related to gospel topics from time to time. And I use that as an opening to explain the Gospel. I keep my answers pithy and let them lead the conversation. I hope that helps.
I feel & know your dilemma & pain. I have an inactive (we were sealed in the temple) husband & both grown children are not partipating now. I keep the gospel in my home thru music (Pandora has an LDS channel), personal scripture study, and temple attendance. I don’t share ‘churchy’ stories, but I also choose to use churchy words. It’s not “I’m so lucky”, it’s “I have been blessed”. It is a fine line we walk. Take care of your personal spiritual health. If you look closely at the story of Alma the older praying for Alma the younger, he did not pray for his son to be changed, but, rather, that he would see & understand the choices he was making. THAT prayer was answered, and Alma 2 did just that. In the depths of his suffering, he remembered being taught about the Savior.
You don't have to be preaching the gospel to have a gospel centered home. It seems to me that the more loving your home is the more gospel centered it becomes. Have good conversations with your children that show interest in your them and their activities. Value their opinions. Find an activity that they would love -- go out to eat at a restaurant that you know everyone would especially like, take them for a weekend getaway where you can hike, explore caves, etc. If you show love, the Spirit will be with you. Eventually maybe they will be open to what makes the gospel important in our lives.
The most joyful thing that happened in my life was my youngest son getting back into activity. He turned wild when he was 16 and wasn't interested in the church at all. I went to the temple to pray especially over him and felt that I should show him an increase in love and praise him for everything he did right. It was many years later - he had joined the army, married a beautiful Catholic girl, but a few years ago started reading the Book of Mormon because I gave the family a challenge. His was ready and he came back to the church when he was around 34 and is very active now. Never give up - ask Heavenly Father for spiritual strength and always show love.
Be a living testimony of Christ! Make your home visually filled with your music and art that testify of Christ. Do your scripture study in family areas where they will see you. Invite them to join you but don't force them to come. (but OK to turn of the Internet & TV feeds during that time, wink. wink.) Post scriptures from this week's lesson on the fridge! Use words/phrases in your daily speech that show your belief in God. (example: change "lucky" to "blessed"). Show them that God & Christ are a priority to you.
My adult sons & their families do not believe or follow the principles of the Gospel that they were taught as little children. No church attendance. No LDS culture, etc. BUT, despite their verbalizations to the contrary, both are good men, provide for their families, monogamous, honest, caring, kind Christ-like men. They will turn back to Jesus on God's timing, not mine.
Your efforts are not wasted. Promise.
when you choose a title for this column- and it sounds like a good idea - i suggest you steer away from any title (Circle of Sisters, for example) that makes it sound like only Sisters have this sort of problem - i am sure there are many brothers who are also in similar situations. just my opinion, ymmv.
Part of parenting is being a parent. As long as a child is living in the home, they should be required to follow the house rules, which includes attending church and scripture study at home. What this person needs to do is ask her teens to explain why they no longer want the church i their lives. Is it peer pressure? Do they not have friends at church? Why have they strayed from the family's teachings? Sit down with them, bear your testimonies,. Have you been too lax in the past with your attitudes towards spirituality? Somehow, these kids have learned that it's okay to not go to church anymore. There as to be a reason.
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