This was an issue in my marriage as well. My husband objectified me and demeaned me--and then i was supposed to want to get naked with him?! It seemed to be his whole focus, and the more he pushed, the less I wanted it. After being widowed and then re-married, I find that marital intimacy can truly be great.
A few years ago my hubby and I decided to make a time for intimacy. My my woman's point of view it made such a difference. It is like a date night. I know it is coming and I can plan ahead to be rested and romantic, not surprised and exhausted, wanting sleep almost more than anything and yet wanting to meet my husbands needs.
Honestly, this really, really improved my/our intimate time. Listen to your wife, she knows her needs and she wants you. Schedule that date and be ready to enjoy her without distractions and concerns. Married for 43 years and it only gets better and better!
When I was married, sex was the best thing abut y marriage, so I find it difficult to understand someone not wanting it, although I recognize that there are people who experience pain and others who do not feel arousal. But it is not always the woman's fault. Maybe this an is not a thoughtful lover. Does he give her hat she wants in sex, or does he just fulfill his own needs?
From a woman’s perspective, I enjoy having a scheduled time. It allows me to focus and anticipate, to contemplate it mentally for awhile, which allows me an opportunity to be ready physically when the time comes. It’s hard to just forget about the kids’ homework and church callings when my husband asks for intimacy right now. But when I know the time is approaching, it’s hard to focus on kids’ homework and church callings because I’m thinking about my love for my husband!!
Some people do not like or enjoy sex. Some people experience pain during sex. Some people are no longer physically attracted to their partners. Some people had it drilled into their brains that sex is sinful SO HARD that even after marriage, the act is associated with marring the soul through 'carnal desires'. Some people have phobias regarding bodily fluids. Some people have been raped or abused and will never associate sex with intimacy or pleasure. Some people despise the sensation of not being in control of their own bodies. Some people do not experience sexual arousal. Some people do not want sex. Some people are not healthy enough to partake in or enjoy sex.
I fall into multiple categories that I just listed. I'd say, if you can afford it, have both of you go to therapy independently, then come together and talk about it.
This wife describes me for the first 20 years of my marriage. I had little or no desire for sex. After a lot of study and research and consulting with my gynecologist I found out that I was on the lower scale of an important hormone. I take a supplement now and that helped me tremendously. I think that it is important to realize that there can be underlying physical and hormonal components to female sexual response in addition to circumstantial and phycological components.
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