A woman in my ward had a similar life story. She was not able to save her marriage but she did put her life back together. Best wishes to you sister.
ChuckAugust 13, 2018
I'm a very forgiving person, but recognize that some things cannot be fixed by mortals.For the husband: Go on with your life, but do not hold a grudge. A senior sister missionary once pointed out to me (in a class I was conducting for people addicted to something) that it's very liberating to be that way: one doesn't let the past drag you down. Instead, you live for the now and for the future, and focus on positive actions, like helping others. Not easy, but it works. It truly works. My best to the people involved in this mess.
MikkoAugust 12, 2018
I went through this with my wife, We had been married 25 years when she chose to have an affair. Some days she is remorseful and other days I can see she is thinking about him. She will never know the damage she has done. So often we look at what a wife goes through when the husband has the affair. We always think you're a man suck it up. But we have been hurt like no other. It will take time, you will have to earn his trust again. You may never earn that back. You must never ever talk or see the other man again, and that is just a start. I hope your marriage can be saved. It will be a long road for both of you. I know in my case my heart is broken and will probably never be fully healed. I would expect that if it were me who had the affair.
LeahAugust 12, 2018
The situation of this sister left me shaking my head and returning to it again the next day. I agree with previous commenters. Well said men! The husband would be justified in being finished with her. How do you come back from that level of betrayal? He forgave and tried and she showed trust in her was misplaced. Very sad for the kids, but worse for them to be raised in that situation with such a troubled mom who seems to care only for herself.
AnonAugust 10, 2018
We shouldn’t be condemning this person. We know but a few facts. We don’t know her husbands problems in the marriage, and it’s none of our business anyway. But no spouse is perfect. I think the counsel given is right. I hope she is comforted and feels Gods and the Saviors love for her.
It’s not for us to worry about her repentance process or whether she’s seen the bishop.
GrandpaAugust 10, 2018
Excellent response! This woman CANNOT expect her husband's healing and decision-making progress to happen per her schedule. She needs to back off and let him process. She needs to allow him to see the changes in her through her repentance process; she can not corner him and "force" him to see it. She needs to realize that the chance that he will stay with her are so very absolutely paper thin that, if he does, she can never, ever do anything that will mar the trust he would be showing by staying with her. (And yes, I'd say the same thing if the genders were reversed.)
Brad ElmonAugust 10, 2018
Wow. I'm hurt for the husband just reading this. He moved out three times but moved back in? He seems a lot more forgiving than I would have been, After hooking up with your partner after all that would have been the final straw for almost anybody. How could he trust that woman again after she'd ended it several times and then restarted it again like that?
Reading her response, it seems like she's not really remorseful of what she did, but that it caused consequences that were bad. She explains WHY she did everything and how her husband reacted to it, but never mentioned the repentance process or the sorrow,
I feel badly for her, but my heart breaks for him. What a terrible path to be put on, especially since it is 100% avoidable. I can't imagine this marriage ever working out again, and if it did, it would certainly be without trust. Get yourself clean again, sister, and pray for your husband to be able to move forward, whatever that means for him.
Glen DanielsenAugust 10, 2018
Sister, consider that your marriage is killed. Trust and love are gone. Forget about reconciliation, and focus only on your own repentance, and also the kiddo’s. Be forthcoming with your kids about your betrayal, and make your repentance visible for them. Not sure if you’re LDS, but if so, become recommitted God and the Faith.
Please know that you have real worth. You can become something completely different than what you’ve done because of the Atonement. Live with that hope if you can.
God bless you, sister of troubled heart. Love to you!
RexAugust 10, 2018
What I didn't hear in either the original story or in the response was visitation with the Bishop to confess and repent. If this hasn't happened, then there might be questions about true remorse and intent to repent.
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EmmaAugust 20, 2018
A woman in my ward had a similar life story. She was not able to save her marriage but she did put her life back together. Best wishes to you sister.
ChuckAugust 13, 2018
I'm a very forgiving person, but recognize that some things cannot be fixed by mortals.For the husband: Go on with your life, but do not hold a grudge. A senior sister missionary once pointed out to me (in a class I was conducting for people addicted to something) that it's very liberating to be that way: one doesn't let the past drag you down. Instead, you live for the now and for the future, and focus on positive actions, like helping others. Not easy, but it works. It truly works. My best to the people involved in this mess.
MikkoAugust 12, 2018
I went through this with my wife, We had been married 25 years when she chose to have an affair. Some days she is remorseful and other days I can see she is thinking about him. She will never know the damage she has done. So often we look at what a wife goes through when the husband has the affair. We always think you're a man suck it up. But we have been hurt like no other. It will take time, you will have to earn his trust again. You may never earn that back. You must never ever talk or see the other man again, and that is just a start. I hope your marriage can be saved. It will be a long road for both of you. I know in my case my heart is broken and will probably never be fully healed. I would expect that if it were me who had the affair.
LeahAugust 12, 2018
The situation of this sister left me shaking my head and returning to it again the next day. I agree with previous commenters. Well said men! The husband would be justified in being finished with her. How do you come back from that level of betrayal? He forgave and tried and she showed trust in her was misplaced. Very sad for the kids, but worse for them to be raised in that situation with such a troubled mom who seems to care only for herself.
AnonAugust 10, 2018
We shouldn’t be condemning this person. We know but a few facts. We don’t know her husbands problems in the marriage, and it’s none of our business anyway. But no spouse is perfect. I think the counsel given is right. I hope she is comforted and feels Gods and the Saviors love for her. It’s not for us to worry about her repentance process or whether she’s seen the bishop.
GrandpaAugust 10, 2018
Excellent response! This woman CANNOT expect her husband's healing and decision-making progress to happen per her schedule. She needs to back off and let him process. She needs to allow him to see the changes in her through her repentance process; she can not corner him and "force" him to see it. She needs to realize that the chance that he will stay with her are so very absolutely paper thin that, if he does, she can never, ever do anything that will mar the trust he would be showing by staying with her. (And yes, I'd say the same thing if the genders were reversed.)
Brad ElmonAugust 10, 2018
Wow. I'm hurt for the husband just reading this. He moved out three times but moved back in? He seems a lot more forgiving than I would have been, After hooking up with your partner after all that would have been the final straw for almost anybody. How could he trust that woman again after she'd ended it several times and then restarted it again like that? Reading her response, it seems like she's not really remorseful of what she did, but that it caused consequences that were bad. She explains WHY she did everything and how her husband reacted to it, but never mentioned the repentance process or the sorrow, I feel badly for her, but my heart breaks for him. What a terrible path to be put on, especially since it is 100% avoidable. I can't imagine this marriage ever working out again, and if it did, it would certainly be without trust. Get yourself clean again, sister, and pray for your husband to be able to move forward, whatever that means for him.
Glen DanielsenAugust 10, 2018
Sister, consider that your marriage is killed. Trust and love are gone. Forget about reconciliation, and focus only on your own repentance, and also the kiddo’s. Be forthcoming with your kids about your betrayal, and make your repentance visible for them. Not sure if you’re LDS, but if so, become recommitted God and the Faith. Please know that you have real worth. You can become something completely different than what you’ve done because of the Atonement. Live with that hope if you can. God bless you, sister of troubled heart. Love to you!
RexAugust 10, 2018
What I didn't hear in either the original story or in the response was visitation with the Bishop to confess and repent. If this hasn't happened, then there might be questions about true remorse and intent to repent.
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