I spent my entire mission praying for a spiritual confirmation of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and it never came. Let God be the judge, I know my heart was sincere and I had real intent. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose. Because I didn't have that positive confirmation that the Church was true, when I was taught in my BYU science classes things like evolution and old earth geology, (which contradicted the McConkie Mormonism I grew up with), I went with the evidence and began questioning everything else I was taught. I still want to be involved in the ward and my wife is still faithful, but its much harder now that ward members think of me as a project. I hate that we are now allowed to feed the missionaries only because I'm considered "inactive" not due to not attending, but simply not believing everything the same as everyone else.
MaryannSeptember 18, 2018
I appreciate the kind, gentle spirit of this article. It saddens me to realize that there are those who leave the church because they feel "unworthy" or they believe that they can never be "good enough." I would much rather have someone sitting next to me at church who smells like smoke, than to have them remain at home. The very fact that they are there shows that they are trying!
John H. WaitingSeptember 18, 2018
Thank you Mark for a thought provoking article
samAugust 13, 2018
I wish I could report that my personal experiences were different than those of the author of this story. Perhaps it depends on where one lives. My experience on the east coast of the country, where a significant number of members of the church are converts rather than being raised in the church, well, many lapsed members don't believe any longer and some do ask to have their names removed. It seems to be getting worse as the years pass.
lasvegaspamelaAugust 4, 2018
To commenter Christopher Hansen, I’d like to help chase you BACK INTO the Church with some facts. As a fellow Nevadan, my experience here has been OPPOSITE of yours.
When former Senator Harry Reid was in the run-up to his last election (in 2010) we learned that, suddenly, he was interested in speaking at stake firesides throughout the Las Vegas Valley. One was scheduled on the west side but complaints were made and it was cancelled. My own stake president was in complete agreement with the word that came down from above him, which was, “this is completely inappropriate.” If Bro. Reid had cared to bear his testimony at ANY other time to the good LDS people of Nevada, he would be more than welcomed, but our stakes are not campaign stops.
So, Brother Hansen, c’mon back! Don’t let the cunningness of the adversary deny you blessings. We miss you and your talents and your astuteness in recognizing and rejecting socialism, just as we’ve been counseled to do by Church leaders in the past.
HalAugust 2, 2018
I very much appreciate all of the comments to this article. I think everyone has their own perception as to the rate of growth of the church. The reality will be made known to us at some future date. For example, I understand the recent closing / combining of missions is because the wave of 18 and 19 year-old missionaries announced in October 2012 crested in 2014 and declined as those ages became the new norm for missionaries being sent into the field. I am mostly concerned about the change in attitude of some less-active members I visit (re: minister). Many seem to be taking arguments against religion in general and the LDS church in particular to be true without seeking further information. I have a beloved child, two nieces, and several neighbors who are falling for the misconceptions posted on social media. However, this trial of their faith - to a person - was preceded by their cessation of daily prayer, scripture reading, and then church attendance. The Lord said, "Seek and ye shall find." Unfortunately, this cuts both ways. Those who seek reasons to leave the church will surely find willing help from those in the great and spacious building just as those who seek the Lord will find Him and the attendant joy that comes from keeping His commandments.
One last comment for Brother Wynn Richards. I feel your pain. After over 20 years, my marriage to my first wife ended in a very painful divorce. I struggled because I felt I had tried so hard to keep the commandments and be a good husband and father, but to no avail. It was tempting to think my activity was a waste of time, but - instead - I immersed myself in activity in my new ward (who desperately needed active members). I was subsequently blessed to meet and marry a wonderful woman who has shared my life for over 10 years now. I have always found that activity in the church has never been a burden in my life, but has always been a blessing.
Wynn RichardsAugust 1, 2018
I am a 53 year old single father, and now that my daughter (only child) is leaving for college in a week I will suddenly find myself in an empty house. But, this was my plan these past 10 years - I wanted to focus 100% of my effort/attention on raising my daughter and once she was off to college, I would focus on doing somethings for me. Incidentally, I am not proclaiming that this was the correct or incorrect choice, just the one I made. Anyway, now that I am at this phase in life, I very much would like to meet someone special that I could grow old with. This is not scientific, I m noticing fewer and fewer people on Sunday. While I am totally open to being with someone who was not a member, I would prefer to meet a member. Having said this, and at the risk of coming across totally selfish and self-centered, I am concerned that with the lower activity rates within my area, it will be impossible for me to meet anyone in my age range. Truth be told, I am contemplating relocating to a part of the country where even with lower activity rates, there is still a significant LDS population such as can be found in Utah, Idaho, and perhaps Colorado. I realize there are much more important tings to consider; however, after 10 years of being alone this has become pretty important to me.
Bryant NewellJuly 31, 2018
I think this article reflects an era that has gone by. There has been a fundamental shift in those that are leaving. It used to be just as the author pointed out; people who just couldn’t or wouldn’t live the high levels of commitment expected of worthy members. My perception is that we are losing those that seemed to have a firm grasp on the rod.
There is now so much information that is difficult to reconcile and many feel that being told to pray about it is an insufficient answer. I haven’t seen droves leaving either but the people leaving seem to be the ones that we depended on to get the work done. It feels there is even more work now for the ones that are exercising faith and staying.
MichaelJuly 31, 2018
For David --
I am a Branch Clerk in central Maine and I see a different side to the closing up of Church buildings and the thinning down of wards. In our area, there are once vibrant towns which had more than sustainable numbers at one time, but due to the economy have lost membership because many have moved out, not left the Church. Our own Branch has seen a benefit of this as we are a rapidly growing 'central' area with many benefits that these other towns do not have any longer. Last month we received 5 memberships form one former Ward (now at Branch status) in the same month. We have lost a few as they change and move for jobs. We live in a mobile society. I always see those who move away from us request their records be sent to their new Ward or Branch.
This may account for some of those "leaving" the area where a Ward or Branch was once vibrant. I am thinking that this 'happening' is a little more universal.
Robert RJuly 30, 2018
I think this is a really good article and a lot of what is said is happening. Members leave for different reasons but we still care for and love them. Yes, some do get very angry when you contact them after years of not attending but they are in the minority. The world is a difficult place and will cause many to leave but as stated, they still have very strong feeling for the church and will always be welcomed back. We never know who will fall into this non active group but we always hope they will one day return. The story of "Rexs" return will continue to happen and we just love this. Who know one day we could be the one who has to return and then we remember a story like this but with our name or a family member’s name replacing "Rex" Will read this story to my members', it’s worth repeating
DavidJuly 27, 2018
The author makes some good anecdotal observations about his experience but I am having a hard time reconciling his statements and conclusion with the data provided by the church. Missions, stakes, and wards, around the world and particularly in Europe are either closing or combining with others. This would seem to indicate a systemic, significant increase in inactivity or people leaving the church.
My nephew just returned from a mission in Brazil. He said that while baptism rates were high, the entire mission was having less that 10% activity rate. It is tough to reconcile the article with the fact that one of the areas responsible for a large part of the overall church growth has less than 10% activity rate.
The church is rapidly growing in Utah county. It is quite a blessing to live here wherein the church is strong and rapidly growing but this area is not the norm, by far.
Christopher HansenJuly 27, 2018
I am a lifelong member. The Missionary Elders often visit me, but no one else does. I live the word of wisdom. I am never ministered to but I minister others. I take care of people that need help. I am moral. I am true to wife of 41 years and she is true to me. We are still very much in love. I have never asked to have my records removed from the records of the Church. My wife and I spend about 40 hours (total...not each) a week working on genealogy and we give the names to other members to have the work done for them. We just spent our vacation doing genealogy work and had to travel to Reno to obtain records and pictures. We help other people and members to do their genealogy. We, my entire family, were CHASED out of the Church by Former Senator Harry Reid's (a Socialist), supporters that are in leadership positions in Nevada. I was not excommunicated and no one in my family has been exed. We were never disfellowshipped. We were simply UNINVITED because we refuse to practice socialism or condone it. So there are many reasons that members that LOVE the gospel are inactive as far as Church Attendance goes and VERY active as far as living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. If I don't see you at Church I am sure, with a testimony of that surety, that I will be on the right hand of Christ when I die. And MAYBE I will see you there.
GusJuly 27, 2018
I like Roberts comment. A lot of people who leave are just not taught church history in depth and are very shaken when they learn about something like the CES letter or even when they read the church’s essays. A true Mormon confronts those fears and dives in. The LDS subreddit is a good place to go and receive support during the times of hardship that we might all face. The great thing is that no negative comments are allowed on the subreddit. And even though the people that are on the other ex-mormon subreddit outnumber us 8:1, they cannot drag us down :)!
Scott TaylorJuly 27, 2018
" The mist of darkness and the chants of modernity cloud the eyes and din the ears. Do keep in mind that in the Book of Mormon it prophesies that the church of God will remain a very small number among the inhabitants of the earth."
With all due respect, can we please put an end to this type of rhetoric? "Not all those who wander are lost." Those who have left do not appreciate being categorized as being lost in the midsts of darkness, or having clouded eyes, any more than true believing Mormons like to be called mindless cult followers. It doesn't do anything to bring people together...
LeahJuly 27, 2018
Excellent article, wonderful to read. I have a Rex child and some that are inhabiting the great and spacious building and doing well from a worldly point of view. I pray for them, and keep in mind the story of Aminadab in Helaman 5:39-41. He 'remembered'. He gives me hope. The Book of Mormon has many stories of wicked people who repent. And there's the story of Amulek, a good guy who needed a reminder and an invitation. I agree with Janese - love and acceptance is the best approach. I began this journey not very good at expressing and giving love. I have learned a lot. The effort has taught me alot about the pure love of Christ. My prayer is that others can feel His love through me, especially my children.
Robert CordnerJuly 27, 2018
Sometimes those who bail out were simply not well grounded in theology, principles, practices, scriptures, and church history. They may have gone to church all of their lives, but just never pondered or dug into things very deeply. Some learn only by osmosis. They hear some things which they have never heard or thought of before and they are shaken to their very core.What? Joseph Smith was a polygamist? There was a massacre at Mountain Meadows? There was more than one person who recorded the King Follet discourse and none of them got the whole sermon? The Kirtland Temple didn't have the same kind or ordinances or ordinance rooms as the Nauvoo Temple?etc.
There is plenty of information available on many topics. The "spiritually shaken"members lack of diligent study and inquiry does not negate the church.
The key seems to be: "seek,study deeply, ponder, apply."
Some members frankly have gone through the motions of membership, but never really had a grasp on the iron rod.
Janene ZimmermanJuly 27, 2018
This was such a beautiful article. I pray frequently to reach out to family members and those in my stewardship that struggle with the gospel. Again, love and acceptance is the best approach. Clearly Rex felt this from you. I’m so glad he left this life in peace. I hope to be that person helping the One.
Bob TaylorJuly 26, 2018
i have no stories to add to this article - as stated, it is not comprehensive, but i believe it covers the topic very well - and is an example of our charge to minister to those around us, regardless of their faith. only as we are guided by the Holy Ghost can we be successful in this - there are too many people to reach, and we need to know who the Lord would have us minister to in our daily walk.
Comments | Return to Story
ShawnMarch 12, 2019
I spent my entire mission praying for a spiritual confirmation of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and it never came. Let God be the judge, I know my heart was sincere and I had real intent. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose. Because I didn't have that positive confirmation that the Church was true, when I was taught in my BYU science classes things like evolution and old earth geology, (which contradicted the McConkie Mormonism I grew up with), I went with the evidence and began questioning everything else I was taught. I still want to be involved in the ward and my wife is still faithful, but its much harder now that ward members think of me as a project. I hate that we are now allowed to feed the missionaries only because I'm considered "inactive" not due to not attending, but simply not believing everything the same as everyone else.
MaryannSeptember 18, 2018
I appreciate the kind, gentle spirit of this article. It saddens me to realize that there are those who leave the church because they feel "unworthy" or they believe that they can never be "good enough." I would much rather have someone sitting next to me at church who smells like smoke, than to have them remain at home. The very fact that they are there shows that they are trying!
John H. WaitingSeptember 18, 2018
Thank you Mark for a thought provoking article
samAugust 13, 2018
I wish I could report that my personal experiences were different than those of the author of this story. Perhaps it depends on where one lives. My experience on the east coast of the country, where a significant number of members of the church are converts rather than being raised in the church, well, many lapsed members don't believe any longer and some do ask to have their names removed. It seems to be getting worse as the years pass.
lasvegaspamelaAugust 4, 2018
To commenter Christopher Hansen, I’d like to help chase you BACK INTO the Church with some facts. As a fellow Nevadan, my experience here has been OPPOSITE of yours. When former Senator Harry Reid was in the run-up to his last election (in 2010) we learned that, suddenly, he was interested in speaking at stake firesides throughout the Las Vegas Valley. One was scheduled on the west side but complaints were made and it was cancelled. My own stake president was in complete agreement with the word that came down from above him, which was, “this is completely inappropriate.” If Bro. Reid had cared to bear his testimony at ANY other time to the good LDS people of Nevada, he would be more than welcomed, but our stakes are not campaign stops. So, Brother Hansen, c’mon back! Don’t let the cunningness of the adversary deny you blessings. We miss you and your talents and your astuteness in recognizing and rejecting socialism, just as we’ve been counseled to do by Church leaders in the past.
HalAugust 2, 2018
I very much appreciate all of the comments to this article. I think everyone has their own perception as to the rate of growth of the church. The reality will be made known to us at some future date. For example, I understand the recent closing / combining of missions is because the wave of 18 and 19 year-old missionaries announced in October 2012 crested in 2014 and declined as those ages became the new norm for missionaries being sent into the field. I am mostly concerned about the change in attitude of some less-active members I visit (re: minister). Many seem to be taking arguments against religion in general and the LDS church in particular to be true without seeking further information. I have a beloved child, two nieces, and several neighbors who are falling for the misconceptions posted on social media. However, this trial of their faith - to a person - was preceded by their cessation of daily prayer, scripture reading, and then church attendance. The Lord said, "Seek and ye shall find." Unfortunately, this cuts both ways. Those who seek reasons to leave the church will surely find willing help from those in the great and spacious building just as those who seek the Lord will find Him and the attendant joy that comes from keeping His commandments. One last comment for Brother Wynn Richards. I feel your pain. After over 20 years, my marriage to my first wife ended in a very painful divorce. I struggled because I felt I had tried so hard to keep the commandments and be a good husband and father, but to no avail. It was tempting to think my activity was a waste of time, but - instead - I immersed myself in activity in my new ward (who desperately needed active members). I was subsequently blessed to meet and marry a wonderful woman who has shared my life for over 10 years now. I have always found that activity in the church has never been a burden in my life, but has always been a blessing.
Wynn RichardsAugust 1, 2018
I am a 53 year old single father, and now that my daughter (only child) is leaving for college in a week I will suddenly find myself in an empty house. But, this was my plan these past 10 years - I wanted to focus 100% of my effort/attention on raising my daughter and once she was off to college, I would focus on doing somethings for me. Incidentally, I am not proclaiming that this was the correct or incorrect choice, just the one I made. Anyway, now that I am at this phase in life, I very much would like to meet someone special that I could grow old with. This is not scientific, I m noticing fewer and fewer people on Sunday. While I am totally open to being with someone who was not a member, I would prefer to meet a member. Having said this, and at the risk of coming across totally selfish and self-centered, I am concerned that with the lower activity rates within my area, it will be impossible for me to meet anyone in my age range. Truth be told, I am contemplating relocating to a part of the country where even with lower activity rates, there is still a significant LDS population such as can be found in Utah, Idaho, and perhaps Colorado. I realize there are much more important tings to consider; however, after 10 years of being alone this has become pretty important to me.
Bryant NewellJuly 31, 2018
I think this article reflects an era that has gone by. There has been a fundamental shift in those that are leaving. It used to be just as the author pointed out; people who just couldn’t or wouldn’t live the high levels of commitment expected of worthy members. My perception is that we are losing those that seemed to have a firm grasp on the rod. There is now so much information that is difficult to reconcile and many feel that being told to pray about it is an insufficient answer. I haven’t seen droves leaving either but the people leaving seem to be the ones that we depended on to get the work done. It feels there is even more work now for the ones that are exercising faith and staying.
MichaelJuly 31, 2018
For David -- I am a Branch Clerk in central Maine and I see a different side to the closing up of Church buildings and the thinning down of wards. In our area, there are once vibrant towns which had more than sustainable numbers at one time, but due to the economy have lost membership because many have moved out, not left the Church. Our own Branch has seen a benefit of this as we are a rapidly growing 'central' area with many benefits that these other towns do not have any longer. Last month we received 5 memberships form one former Ward (now at Branch status) in the same month. We have lost a few as they change and move for jobs. We live in a mobile society. I always see those who move away from us request their records be sent to their new Ward or Branch. This may account for some of those "leaving" the area where a Ward or Branch was once vibrant. I am thinking that this 'happening' is a little more universal.
Robert RJuly 30, 2018
I think this is a really good article and a lot of what is said is happening. Members leave for different reasons but we still care for and love them. Yes, some do get very angry when you contact them after years of not attending but they are in the minority. The world is a difficult place and will cause many to leave but as stated, they still have very strong feeling for the church and will always be welcomed back. We never know who will fall into this non active group but we always hope they will one day return. The story of "Rexs" return will continue to happen and we just love this. Who know one day we could be the one who has to return and then we remember a story like this but with our name or a family member’s name replacing "Rex" Will read this story to my members', it’s worth repeating
DavidJuly 27, 2018
The author makes some good anecdotal observations about his experience but I am having a hard time reconciling his statements and conclusion with the data provided by the church. Missions, stakes, and wards, around the world and particularly in Europe are either closing or combining with others. This would seem to indicate a systemic, significant increase in inactivity or people leaving the church. My nephew just returned from a mission in Brazil. He said that while baptism rates were high, the entire mission was having less that 10% activity rate. It is tough to reconcile the article with the fact that one of the areas responsible for a large part of the overall church growth has less than 10% activity rate. The church is rapidly growing in Utah county. It is quite a blessing to live here wherein the church is strong and rapidly growing but this area is not the norm, by far.
Christopher HansenJuly 27, 2018
I am a lifelong member. The Missionary Elders often visit me, but no one else does. I live the word of wisdom. I am never ministered to but I minister others. I take care of people that need help. I am moral. I am true to wife of 41 years and she is true to me. We are still very much in love. I have never asked to have my records removed from the records of the Church. My wife and I spend about 40 hours (total...not each) a week working on genealogy and we give the names to other members to have the work done for them. We just spent our vacation doing genealogy work and had to travel to Reno to obtain records and pictures. We help other people and members to do their genealogy. We, my entire family, were CHASED out of the Church by Former Senator Harry Reid's (a Socialist), supporters that are in leadership positions in Nevada. I was not excommunicated and no one in my family has been exed. We were never disfellowshipped. We were simply UNINVITED because we refuse to practice socialism or condone it. So there are many reasons that members that LOVE the gospel are inactive as far as Church Attendance goes and VERY active as far as living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. If I don't see you at Church I am sure, with a testimony of that surety, that I will be on the right hand of Christ when I die. And MAYBE I will see you there.
GusJuly 27, 2018
I like Roberts comment. A lot of people who leave are just not taught church history in depth and are very shaken when they learn about something like the CES letter or even when they read the church’s essays. A true Mormon confronts those fears and dives in. The LDS subreddit is a good place to go and receive support during the times of hardship that we might all face. The great thing is that no negative comments are allowed on the subreddit. And even though the people that are on the other ex-mormon subreddit outnumber us 8:1, they cannot drag us down :)!
Scott TaylorJuly 27, 2018
" The mist of darkness and the chants of modernity cloud the eyes and din the ears. Do keep in mind that in the Book of Mormon it prophesies that the church of God will remain a very small number among the inhabitants of the earth." With all due respect, can we please put an end to this type of rhetoric? "Not all those who wander are lost." Those who have left do not appreciate being categorized as being lost in the midsts of darkness, or having clouded eyes, any more than true believing Mormons like to be called mindless cult followers. It doesn't do anything to bring people together...
LeahJuly 27, 2018
Excellent article, wonderful to read. I have a Rex child and some that are inhabiting the great and spacious building and doing well from a worldly point of view. I pray for them, and keep in mind the story of Aminadab in Helaman 5:39-41. He 'remembered'. He gives me hope. The Book of Mormon has many stories of wicked people who repent. And there's the story of Amulek, a good guy who needed a reminder and an invitation. I agree with Janese - love and acceptance is the best approach. I began this journey not very good at expressing and giving love. I have learned a lot. The effort has taught me alot about the pure love of Christ. My prayer is that others can feel His love through me, especially my children.
Robert CordnerJuly 27, 2018
Sometimes those who bail out were simply not well grounded in theology, principles, practices, scriptures, and church history. They may have gone to church all of their lives, but just never pondered or dug into things very deeply. Some learn only by osmosis. They hear some things which they have never heard or thought of before and they are shaken to their very core.What? Joseph Smith was a polygamist? There was a massacre at Mountain Meadows? There was more than one person who recorded the King Follet discourse and none of them got the whole sermon? The Kirtland Temple didn't have the same kind or ordinances or ordinance rooms as the Nauvoo Temple?etc. There is plenty of information available on many topics. The "spiritually shaken"members lack of diligent study and inquiry does not negate the church. The key seems to be: "seek,study deeply, ponder, apply." Some members frankly have gone through the motions of membership, but never really had a grasp on the iron rod.
Janene ZimmermanJuly 27, 2018
This was such a beautiful article. I pray frequently to reach out to family members and those in my stewardship that struggle with the gospel. Again, love and acceptance is the best approach. Clearly Rex felt this from you. I’m so glad he left this life in peace. I hope to be that person helping the One.
Bob TaylorJuly 26, 2018
i have no stories to add to this article - as stated, it is not comprehensive, but i believe it covers the topic very well - and is an example of our charge to minister to those around us, regardless of their faith. only as we are guided by the Holy Ghost can we be successful in this - there are too many people to reach, and we need to know who the Lord would have us minister to in our daily walk.
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