Great advice. I have a child who is dependent because of my ex-spouse's manner of raising of them. Now it falls to me because my ex claims to be "done" with them. I am resisting perpetuating the dependency, which I would be doing if I just took over doing what my ex did.
This advice about setting boundaries is very helpful. I've used it in the past with success, but until now, haven't thought to apply it with my child. I think it can be very hard to do, especially making it stick at first because of the years of family dynamics involved, but well worth it.
Thanks for the encouragement.
I understand the woman’s feelings, having a similar situation. I have learned 1. The Lord has our days numbered and I am not going to change that. I am no in charge of anyone but myself. 2. Someone else’s choices do not negate my responsibility to choose correctly. (I find it ironic she wants her mother to be strong and choose correctly and yet, she doesn’t have the strength to choose correctly, (“I feel like a recovering alcoholic trying to stay sober with a raging drunk.”) 3.We are both adults, That means we each get to make our own choices. When others are choosing unhealthy choices they are also choosing where their life will lead, i.e. a nursing home because I am unable to care for them. 4. Good choice, bad choice, it’s their choice. I exercise and choose healthy foods in spite of the other bringing so much unhealthy food into the home and giving me unhealthy foods for gifts, which I get rid of. All that being said, when I am a little older and on my way out, I am going to eat anything I want and give someone employment by going to a nursing home, so I won’t bug my children!
This woman may find a shift in their dynamic when they move into a new home, and mom lives with them instead of the other way around. Minimally your choices about your own lifestyle will be easier to do. Mom will be more encouraged to follow in the new experience... Or not. Either way, you will feel better about your choices. Rarely do oldsters change their ways especially after losing a spouse. It's okay.
"I feel like a recovering alcoholic trying to stay sober with a raging drunk."
This statement says it all. The mother and daughter have major issues with passive-aggressiveness.
I don't think this family should invite the mother to come live with them. Many of us would have a very difficult time living with a parent. However, the questioner seems to really be focusing on the mother's eating and exercising habits, which are really none of her business. Nagging the mother isn't helping, and food may be a small comfort to her after the loss of her husband. I wonder if the daughter is using her mother as an excuse for her own challenges with a healthy lifestyle. Own your own health and leave others alone.
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