I also agree with those who write that if the Lord remembers her sins no more, that talking to her husband will only bring harm to her relationship with him. it will not be helpful to the marriage because he is not totally understanding of forgiveness and the atonement. He prefers to think on the sin rather than the atonement. This woman can work privately on seeking her own personal forgiveness. Developing a closer relationship with the Savior and understanding that he has taken the burden upon him already for her assault and her attempts to to deal with the assault in sexual ways. This woman should not bring up the past that will be harmful,,,especially because she has stopped all such behavior and repented. Respect the Savior deeply,,,respect and honor his love and sacrifice for us. The Savior has suffered for this and says its now my burden. Go forth in love...lots of love ...life is bright ...do not let the effects of your assault continue to haunt you. You are totally above it now...don't revisit it! Even the Lord is not remembering or revisiting it.Go forward!!
I had sex as a teenager, can I repent and still marry my partner, because I still love her
For the most part members of the church live such a black and white, what I like to call a "Primary" life. For example, if you do this... then you can do that and then you can move on. Move on to what? Forgiveness, but to what end or what purpose?
Please take a step back and look at things from an Eternal Perspective. It is not about this mistake or that mistake holding us back from being the "perfect" member of the church. All of that is about others. The Eternal view is why are we here? To BECOME someone... all these things shall give you experience and be for your good. Of course you should have a conversation with your husband about your past, not for any repentance or forgiveness reason... but because you are becoming someone that can love perfectly. No secrets. You want to see and be seen as God sees and sees you. Because perfect love casteth out all fear.
I agree that this dear sister should discuss her full past with her husband. My personal experience is that, the longer you wait, the harder it becomes. She must also learn to forgive herself. When she does that, she will feel the Savior's deep love for her and truly understand the height, breadth, and depth of His atonement. This is crucial. Without going into detail, I had a personal relationship that was destroyed because - even though I had forgiven my loved one completely - she was unable to forgive herself. Because she was unable to comprehend the Savior's atonement in her own life, she was unable to forgive herself and - in turn - unable to forgive others of their minor trespasses against her. The result was she drove away everyone who deeply loved her and was willing to accept her as she was. That was the real tragedy.
I agree with the advice given by several readers about moving on, and not dwelling on the ugly past. I grew up LDS, but met and married someone who, because of the surrounding culture in which we live, was sexually active from the time she was a Teen. In her world, the term "Boyfriend" applied to sexual partners, not to what LDS people describe as "Steady Dates." Yet, she is a beautiful individual, inside and out, and dwelling on her previous relationships with men would have served no other purpose than spoil our marriage. She gave me three beautiful, awesome children, and stands as the most honest, loyal, caring, and hard-working individual
I could have married. Therefore, I feel truly sorry that the good and wonderful woman in the story does not yet realize how much the "Adversary of All Good" is weighing on her conscience, when the Lord remembers her sins no more. I also feel quite sorry about her "Brother of the Prodigal Son" husband, who, from the very beginning, should have told her, "I love you for who you are, and your past is none of my business as long as you live according to the principles of the gospel.¨ So much being missed by both in terms of the peace and happiness that result from truly understanding the power of the atonement for us all!
I think that what's going on here is that this person has not yet completely forgiven herself and is still troubled with feelings of guilt over something for which she has been forgiven.
I disagree that she should say anything about this to her husband. The Lord has forgotten this and completely forgiven her. In the Lord's eyes, it's as if this never happened. Satan would love to have her still wallow in guilt and would like to bring up any potential source of shame or conflict with her husband, and I think it would be wrong of her to participate in that. I think what she should do instead is pray for help in forgiving herself and forgetting this.
Take this situation to its logical extreme. Do we think it would be helpful for spouses to have a session where they each go through all of the negatives in their pasts--all the sins they have committed. Clearly not. If I have the Spirit, I have no interest in past sins of my wife for which she has repented and been forgiven.
Take a cue from the temple recommend interview. It specifically asks only about past sins that have not been properly dealt with. We are never asked to repeat past sins which we have confessed to priesthood leaders and been forgiven.
I have my doubts about the advice given. Rather than further strain the sensitivities of the man you love, just compensate him by increasing your love and devotion to him. I'm bugged by the constant advice to go to a therapist! Let the Holy Spirit be your guide.
I found the reply to this difficult letter to be very well thought out and an excellent reply. It is better that the husband hear it from her than from anyone else. It will probably be the hardest thing this woman ever does in life, and my prayers are with her!
You MUST tell him.... the sooner the better. It is the lies of omision that are the same as outright lies. He has a right to know and he may find out from someone else someday and then feel your life together has been a lie all along, and he will wonder what else you have chosen not to tell him. You cannot found your marriaqge on even one lie, it negates the entire thing.
A sin repented of is a sin forgotten. As a 70 year old, happily married man, I would disagree with the advice that your husband needs to know about your second transgression. He has already dealt with, and has come to terms with the fact that you were not a virgin. You did the right thing about revealing it initially to him before you were married. It is not necessary to go backwards and reveal anything now that might harm your relationship as it stands today. God forgives you, and in the next life as you work towards eternity, it won’t matter anymore to an exalted priesthood holder who will love you forever.
If "I the Lord will remember them no more" is God's view of repented sins, I think that a decision to reveal sexual sins from the past should be based upon what is best for the spouse. In this case, her husband took the news very hard, was disturbed about it, and the information was disruptive to their marriage. Why on earth put the man through that again? The sin is gone. The wife should understand that she is a changed person, and that admissions of this nature just cause sorrow and marital discord.
So you repented of both instances but only divulged the first with your husband? Either spill the beans or keep it to yourself but to go halfway benefits no one. The real issue appears to be the shame you feel at making the same mistake twice, which says more about your upbringing than anything else. Life is a constant stream of mistakes, some serious but constant nonetheless and shame is an unproductive emotion. Remorse leading to honest disclosure builds trust and confidence.
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