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September 29, 2020

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Lori GreenJune 24, 2018

I am so grateful for this article. It is a horrible thing to go through. I was lucky in that I was able to move out of state. He called everyone we had ever met and spread the most humiliating things about me. We grew up together in a small town and he made sure every person we grew up with heard his story. It has been 13 years since our divorce and I have had time to realize I am powerless over his lies and the gossip everyone has heard and shared. It took a long time to find peace knowing that the Lord knows the truth and that is finally enough. My heart and prayers go out to anyone in this situation. Peace and healing come with time. The Lord knows the truth and wants to comfort and heal you. All will be made right by a merciful God.

ConcernedApril 10, 2018

"questioning the outcome" - I also know men that are the victims of such abuse. It certainly is not just men who abuse, women can and do abuse and do incalculable damage to spouses and children, it is not gender specific. I am so sorry for your struggles, and glad to hear that the truth ever came out eventually for you. Sometimes it never does. Typically the abuser is forceful and exploitive and plays the victim and while the actual victim is quiet and tries to minimize the damage, but also ends up being publicly overpowered. Hopefully things will begin to change so this happens less and less.

questioning the outcomeApril 9, 2018

Why do so many of these questions always have the husband as the "bad guy". My ex-wife was the one that spread lies and stories. I kept the kids out of the divorce problems as much as possible because the kids did not cause the problems. It has taken years and years for the "truth" to finally come out.

ConcernedApril 9, 2018

Her ex-husband sounds like a classic narcissist who has been gaslighting her, to cast aspersions on her character, especially her mental health, to deflect his own guilt and destroy her credibility and relationship with her children and even her own family of birth. While it isn't fair, almost nothing she can do will impact the damage he has done. She has done well to rise above it as well as she has! Children typically side with the abusive parent. I'd be worried he has not just reserved his manipulative behavior for her - what other damage is he doing? Research the phenomenon. Pray and stay close to the Lord.

DaveApril 6, 2018

Excellent answer. I have a very similar situation in a divorce that happened 20 years ago, with awful lies told about me to the point where I was ostracized in my ward to the point where I had to move away, and family relationships were poisoned. I had this similar naïve view that just living an exemplary life would counter the bitterness, and it didn't work at all. I have finally come to realize that this notion that "the truth will ultimately prevail," at least as far as this life is concerned, is a fantasy if I assume that this is an automatic process. There has to be someone who gets the truth out, and even then it isn't guaranteed. So I have begun to directly refute stories that were told to my children, even though this is against my nature, and have come to a solid feeling that this is the right thing to do. My patriarchal blessing admonishes me to be a light to my family all my life, and I have come to see that I can't be an influence for good in their lives without first trying to repair my reputation.

vickieApril 6, 2018

while reading this I began to wonder why the children were taken away from the mother. normally that is never ever done, unless the judge can prove she is unfit. now the husband she says has lied about everything and I think I read that he cheated within the marriage. does her family know that. what did she do about the cheating. did she do something drastic that would cause others to think she is unstable. normally when someone has psychiatric problems the family gathers around to help. why did she wait 10 years to confront what she should do. she has missed out on so much and her children have missed out on her. was she that afraid. she does need to get a lawyer and tell him everything and then maybe he can suggest what she should do. she tried to get in touch with her children once and she was punished for it. this story seems strange to me and I realize there are people out there having similar problems. if her kids are adults now ..does she not have the right to talk to them they aren't kids any longer...

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