There are so many awesome resources for parenting ideas, but remember that Jesus and His gospel are your very best resources. Your best support as a husband is to lead out in love in family prayer, scriptures, FHE, and church attendance. And also, both of you need to limit the use of electronics-- yours and the kids-- it's an addiction that is causing so much emotional damage.
Your wife also needs to feel like she matters to you. It's so easy to lose your relationship as husband and wife in the midst of a mob of kids! Date night is important!
Resources that I recommended when I was working as a parenting coach with young families:
https://macnamara.ca/kids-best-bet-blog/ Awesome articles that help you understand why kids do what they do.
https://www.ahaparenting.com/ This is Dr. Laura Markham's website. Very readable and great ideas!
And one for your relationship--from another Dr. Laura:
May God bless you in strengthening your family relationships! It's not always easy but it's worth it!
Ask your wife how she feels she is doing as a mother and ask her what her ideal parenting style would be. Then you can determine whether she is parenting how she thinks is best (very likely how she was parented herself!) or if she's simply overwhelmed and exhausted. Ask her what you can do to support her and DO IT even if it requires financial or professional sacrifices for you. So many moms would benefit immensely from a bimonthly housekeeper or a part-time Mother's Helper.
Please, please do the gentle work of finding out whether your wife has post-partum depression. I had it severely after each of my three children and never got the proper care and support I needed to be a better parent during those years. I was always on edge with my kids, wildly impatient and frustrated on top of having a very colicky baby that turned into a difficult toddler. My husband was at a loss to help me, confessed he often compared my parenting to his mother's, and would not make the difficult arrangements to get me help even when I pleaded, out of embarrassment and a perceived lack of resources and a sincere belief he later admitted that I could simply choose to do better. We've moved to a better place but not without some rather terrible scars.
The number of children or ages of the children is not mentioned but I think it’s a possibility that this woman could be dealing with postpartum depression. She may need help with that and it also requires a level of sensitivity when bringing it up. I think the husband needs to talk to the wife and try to determine what the real issue is here.
For any changes to be made, don't wait. It will only become more awkward as time passes and you don't approach the situation. I applaud you for wanting to help your wife to have a better relationship with your children. May you be blessed in your efforts.
MY mother's frequently emotionally abusive parenting style (which was complemented by similar behavior toward our father ) severely undermined our family in the long run. When a tragic accident took the life of the one sibling who was the family "center", we were unable to connect with and support each other because of the pervasive shame culture mom had implemented, and there were other chronic effects as well.
Several weeks ago a Meridian contributor discussed the book, "Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids" by Laura Markham. I've been reading it and think it would be an excellent resource here.
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