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May 26, 2020

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The HusbandNovember 27, 2017

At first I wanted her to leave. I was very upset, I could not understand why she would go to another man. It seems when there is a problem you blame the other person, I know I did. I blamed every bit of it on her, but then I remembered something I ounce heard about divorce, It kind of went like this " What did you do to cause the divorce?" We have been through a lot of stress this past year. ( Two accidents, multiple surgeries, job issues, etc.) My wife even came to me saying she needed a friend to talk too, I didn't listen and realize that. what started as just a person to listen turned into a crush. We did go talk to the Bishop it was hard, we have a lot to work out. Some of you have said to let her go and some have said work it out. Thank you David for your response I really liked what you said " Eventually the romance fades away and your left with the one who has always been at your side. The eternal romance comes back when the temporal ones will always fade away." Thank you Mike for "Don't ditch her. Compete for her." I have realized what I have done wrong and will never have to hear her say she needs a friend to talk too, because I am that friend. I know I love her with all my heart and she loves me with all hers. It has been a rough month but it is only up from here.

MikeNovember 25, 2017

Don't ditch her. Compete for her. You have a 25 years advantage knowing what she likes. You have the advantage of spending several hours with her and your rival has what? A couple hours at max? You should be able to win this game. Do you really love her? Its show time. Not to say there might be other problems in the marriage that need attention. Not to say she might really want out. Can't do nothing about that if true. I wouldn't go this far but just for perspective, my cousin found out her husband in the military stationed in Korea unaccompanied was keeping a cute little mistress. She traveled over there at her own expense and caught them in the act and got into a physical fight with him. This sure put the fear of God into the mistress who disappeared. My cousin did spend 3 months in jail in Korea and suffered a few other consequences. But somehow her husband found her attractive again and they patched things up and stuck together. A lot of marriages can survive bouts of infidelity if both partners want to make it work. Not exactly the Lord's plan- but we are all at different places of brokenness and in need of repentance and healing.

The WifeNovember 23, 2017

Seriously Craig? If "she" has a marriage problem? Have you never once thought that there were needs not being met by the other spouse? You really believe that all marriage problems are one sided? I am so grateful none of you that commented (except David) are my husbands close friends. We have chosen to make our celestial marriage work, and that includes forgiveness from both parties.

DavidNovember 21, 2017

Do what you feel is right. I don't think ditching her without a fair warning is fair or valid. After all did you not ever feel attracted to another person during your 25 years of marriage. Infatuations typically last about 3 months. It shall pass. However avoiding the proximity is wise. Even at church and family wards this happens. So best thing to do is just limit the interactions to hello and good bye and reduce dealings to a minimum. It might be wise to involve ward or stake leaders to reassign callings so that the volunteering exposure don't overlap at the same places. Eventually the romance fades away and your left with the one who has always been at your side. The eternal romance comes back when the temporal ones will always fade away. However if what feels right to you is to move on... then by all means do so. However don't jump on feelings alone... build some logic into your decision making. And let the emotional storm subside before making any drastic changes.

ArturoNovember 19, 2017

Your wife is having an affair. Perhaps its not physically intimate - yet - but what you describe is an affair nonetheless. There is almost certainly more going on between them than she has told you. Even if you get her to "stop" seeing this other guy, it wont change how she feels (or doesn't feel) about you. Give her what she wants. Let her go. A spouse who no longer loves you is hell on earth to live with.

Craig MerrellNovember 18, 2017

Let her go. If she has marriage problems and can’t keep herself squared away leave her

BruceNovember 17, 2017

I agree absolutely with this reply. There is a loyalty in marriage that is being violated. This husband needs to take this situation to a church leader who can figuratively (and not physically) shake this wife and wake her up as to what she is doing to the loyalty and trust of her marriage.

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