I agree with Sally (and everyone else!) - there is something amiss in the attitude of these grandparents, "an odd sense of ownership". That they think this is ok tells me how off base they are in their view of their role in their adult son's life and marriage. I think it indicates bigger problems than just the naming of one child! I would be willing to bet this isn't the only way in which they are overstepping. They have destructive ideas and behaviors that are hurting their son's marriage. It isn't the daughter-in-law that is being selfish here. Stop putting pressure on your son and causing strife between he and his wife. You have no right to cause discord in your son's marriage, over the naming of a child, or anything else! Talk about selfish. I really feel for this daughter-in-law. And the son/husband needs to grow up as well and team with his wife, not with his parents.
Thank you for your answer. It is spot on.
Your daughter-in-law probably only agreed in the first place because of the incessant badgering. Your husband needs to grow up and accept that he gets to name his own kids, and nobody else's. Incidentally, if you need matching names to bond the generations, there's something wrong with your family.
Grandparents have no say, legal or moral, in the naming of their children's children and may be more inclined to continue a naming tradition if the grandparents remain passively hopeful without stirring the waters.Stay out of their lives and do not play dog in the manger by refusing to love them or by any other action or inaction intended to emphasise either your approval or disapproval.Ronnie Bennett-Bray - a many times parent, grandparent and great-grandparent, heading towards being a great-great-grandparent and loving every one of them.
Labelling the daughter-in-law's attitude as "selfish" is inappropriate and unfair. The poor woman has a right not to like her son being called, "Name plus IV, the fourth"...and instead give him a name that sounds nice to her and does not necessarily have the a “fourth” attached to it, that may sound pompous to some, as if he were born from a dynasty of Kings or Popes. This has nothing to do with selfishness and everything to do with a loving mother who wants her child to be happy with a nice-sounding name that makes him appear as a mainstream individual.
Plus, a man leaves his family and cleaves to his wife.
Agree, let parents name the baby. It will be the perfect name, no matter how strange we adults think it may be.
I belong to a family where this very thing has occurred. My brother shares the same first and last names with 3 previous generation: my father, my grand-father and my great-grandfather. He shares his entire name with both my father and grandfather making him a “third” III. When my brother’s son was born, my father hoped my brother would continue the family tradition by passing down the family name and pressured him somewhat to do so. Likewise, in my family this created strife between my father, my brother and my sister-in-law as well as the rest of the family. Finally my father yielded to the right of the parents to name their own child. He backed off and my brother and his wife gave my nephew his own unique, wonderful name.Two gospel principles stood out to me in this experience in my family:The Traditions of the FathersDoc & Cov 93:37-42We learn in the Doctrine and Covenants that holding to the “traditions of the fathers” can often allow Satan to “take away light and truth.” I witnessed this in my family as contention was created over whether or not this “tradition of our fathers” was going to be honored. When the agenda of honoring this tradition was set aside and the sacred right of the parents to name their own child was honored by my father, the contention went away and peace returned.Unrighteous DominionDoc & Cov 121:39The Prophet Joseph Smith warns us against the tendency of the natural man to exercise unrighteous authority over others. When we attempt to take control of agency that does not belong to us, we invite the spirit of contention. Let us remember that this is what Lucifer sought in the very beginning, to "take away" the God-given agency of others. When we attempt to override or “take away” the sacred right and agency others, we can, like Satan, “take away light and truth.” I believe that a great majority of the problems of our world can be traced back to someone’s attempt to control or take away the agency of another.I was grateful that my father chose to let go of this “tradition of our fathers” in light of honoring the sacred right of the parents to name their own children, a right that he and my mother had enjoyed in naming their own children.
I think people should have their own name and not be named after someone close in the family like a father/mother or grandparents. Use these names for middle names instead.So I understand the mother's perspective
I am ASTONISHED that anyone would think they have a say in naming their grandchildren.
The obvious answer is "no." This is a good example of people trying to take possession of something that does not belong to them, a very dangerous step when children are involved. From a doctrinal standpoint, Genesis 2:24 should be kept clearly in mind, and grandparents need to make every effort to mind their own business.
I totally agree with this answer given. There are more harmful effects of the grandparents fighting for the name. If they choose to call the baby stick in the mud...you will love it regardless. This should not be a family discussion. It is between father and mother. If this becomes too big of an issue, the mother could say you can't see the child or additional children to come. Ive seen it happen many time. And grandparents have NO legal rights.
For practical reasons, there can be a LOT of confusion with the same name in multiple generations (I've seen it with social security cards, mail, etc.). The kid may end up resenting have the same name that causes him multiple problems for years to come. It can also get tiring always having to clarify, "Yeah, I'm so-and-so's grandson, not him,"
I also see something else for the mother--this is HER son, too, and sometimes new parents need to feel connected to their child by choosing his name. If it's a name from the other side of the family, there's sometimes an emotional distance automatically created; "he is THEIR boy, I'm merely birthing it."
It's mostly prideful to want the name carried down, an odd sense of ownership to which one isn't entitled. Let the boy create a legacy of his own with his own name.
(All of this comes from parents who chose NOT to have their oldest son "the fourth" which was a very old and odd sounding name to begin with.)
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