I am reminded of something a friend of mine told me. She had learned some very heart-wrenching and extremely difficult lessons regarding relationships during her life and, as a result, had learned wisdom. She said, "If a guy is willing to do it WITH you, he is willing to do it TO you." Beware!
KristinJune 5, 2017
I must admit I am shocked that this woman who has been dating a married man, has not been disfellowshipped from the church, along with the man in question. She is knowingly dating a married man! Even flirting with a married man is highly inappropriate. It does not matter how long they have been separated - it could be 20 years, but if they are still legally married, then no other intimacy outside of their marriage is acceptable. It seems clear that neither the woman nor the man in this situation have respect for the sacred institution of marriage. She states, "Yes, on paper he's married but he would be divorced if she would cooperate." - ON PAPER! Really?! This statement clearly shows the woman's complete ignorance on the subject of marriage. The man is legally married, and until he is legally divorced, NO OTHER INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP IS ACCEPTABLE TO GOD. That means no dating, and no communication of any kind - no talking or texting by phone! Anyone can get a divorce if they want one, even if the other person refuses to cooperate! If he is not divorced yet, it is because he does not want to be divorced yet. I pity the real wife in this tragic scenario, who is still legally married to a man who is so immature, grossly unfaithful, and lacking in integrity and character. Even if his legal wife has been unfaithful to him, that would never justify his own infidelity. This man should be using all of his time, talents, and energy trying to repair his shattered marriage, going to marriage counseling, and turning to God for help, instead of turning to a single girl for emotional support. His actions are hurting everyone involved here - by maintaining an extra marital relationship he is hurting himself - mentally, emotionally and especially spiritually. He also is seriously injuring his legal wife. Lastly, he is injuring a naïve single woman who is obviously needy, spiritually and emotionally immature, and very confused about appropriate boundaries, and what constitutes a healthy romantic relationship, not to mention the sanctity of marriage.
VleoralvJune 1, 2017
Say goodbye. I don't believe there are any states in the US that are not operating on the "No Fault" divorce law. No one can hold up a divorce. The only thing that stalls a divorce is the person/s who don't like the equitable division of property and they want to barter.
I doubt your love has gone to his Stake President to discuss you. His membership may come into question. Infidelity comes in all sorts of packaging. It isn't only sexual.
You have an opportunity to demonstrate to our Father and our Savior that you understand and respect the sanctity of the covenant of marriage. Don't throw this opportunity away.
CharlieBrown2292May 27, 2017
Why keep things simple when you can make them complicated?! You stand to have dozens of opportunities to meet and marry a single man with all the qualities you are looking after in a spouse, but you insist on dating a married man whose divorce has not even been finalized. Unfortunately, if you do not abide by correct principles, you will soon or later be faced with adverse consequences. There are enough single men waiting out there you do not need to focus on the one who spells trouble, unless you have some hangups on yourself that may require counseling.
Nicola in nzMay 27, 2017
Ferris, you assume I'm not divorced...ummm, yeah.
Hubby upped and left for an older woman when I was 25 ( and we had a 5 mth old)
He was still married...no matter what he told her!
I didn't want to break my temple covenants cos in my mind, we were still married. So didn't copy him.
Ferris, the guy is ' dating ' another woman. He is a married man. Just cos the first wife ' is stalling things " which again you are making up cos Geoff never said why he hasn't been able to do paperwork ( he might be stalling..!?! Shock horror , he might like playing two women off etc)
We don't know.
So let's just go with the facts, her parents and leaders ( which may have also been divorced!? U don't know ) have given her some warning voices, just as we have.
Its up to her to follow them or Geoff's advice.
Or even ours!? But she is probably not even on here and will never read our three cents as she is one of Geoff's clients.
Five kids later I'm glad I didn't date before I was legally allowed too...I enjoyed those single mother years as I learnt who and what my Saviour is to me.
FerrisMay 27, 2017
Have you noticed the people saying to break up are those who have never never been through a divorce. They don't understand how or why a soon to be ex-spouse intentionly slows or holds up the divorce process. In some cases only a few months but too many it's tied up for years. It's done too often for greed (better pay out) or because it's one of the last power and control they'll have. (Unrighteous dominion). Too many good people who have never experienced this don't believe or understand that it happens. They need to stop looking at the world with "Rose Colorado Glasses"
KEEP in touch but set boundaries (like you'very done) and keep them.
SarahMay 26, 2017
I find that reading classics is a good way to learn lessons and apply truth to situations we find ourselves in. I highly suggest reading Jane Eyre and following her example.
Nicola in nzMay 26, 2017
If he is living alone now, call up the separated wife and chat with her. Find out " why she won't sign the papers' get it from the horses mouth..so to speak
If everything he said is then true, and she won't sign, find out what happens in those circumstances.
( wait 3 yrs then automatic ? I don't know )
But if ANYTHING is not true...drop the whole fantasy from your mind.
From then on only text single men.
He is married...no matter how you say it !
If everything is true , follow Geoff's advice, go travelling etc and catch up with him once single and ready to commit again.
He is married !!! Its in black and white, don't become a mistress. You are better than that
Ron BarnesMay 26, 2017
He is probably lying to her about the divorce. I've seen it happen before. A gal I know dated a married man for 10 years. He told her his wife was dying and that after she did he would marry her. One day she discovered he was having relationships with other women at the same time. She learned a hard lesson; He (or she) who will cheat with you will also cheat on you.
DavidMay 26, 2017
Dear gal in her 20s, I am in my 80s and have been in the position of your friend.. My bishop councied me to wait for six months after my divorce. After the years that followed I learned that I had to resolve the issues of my covenant with my wife. To start a new relationship before I reconciled my covenant with my former wife and with Christ was self-centered, not Christ centered. Respecting covenants, as you know by being a missionary, is essential to our relationship with our Savior. Please do not enable your friend to disrespect the covenant of marriage as it is not only a piece of paper.
RozMay 26, 2017
As I told my sister when she was dating a man that was not happy in his marriage...God doesn't break up one marriage to create another one. You are being given very sound advise - end the contact with this man. I know you think he's wonderful, and he may be. However, I have known of men (and women) who used their "troubled marriage" to get what they wanted outside of their marriage. Be smart and kind to yourself - don't put all your emotions on a man who may never be able to give you what you truly want - a secure marriage and a family.
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RachelJune 7, 2017
I am reminded of something a friend of mine told me. She had learned some very heart-wrenching and extremely difficult lessons regarding relationships during her life and, as a result, had learned wisdom. She said, "If a guy is willing to do it WITH you, he is willing to do it TO you." Beware!
KristinJune 5, 2017
I must admit I am shocked that this woman who has been dating a married man, has not been disfellowshipped from the church, along with the man in question. She is knowingly dating a married man! Even flirting with a married man is highly inappropriate. It does not matter how long they have been separated - it could be 20 years, but if they are still legally married, then no other intimacy outside of their marriage is acceptable. It seems clear that neither the woman nor the man in this situation have respect for the sacred institution of marriage. She states, "Yes, on paper he's married but he would be divorced if she would cooperate." - ON PAPER! Really?! This statement clearly shows the woman's complete ignorance on the subject of marriage. The man is legally married, and until he is legally divorced, NO OTHER INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP IS ACCEPTABLE TO GOD. That means no dating, and no communication of any kind - no talking or texting by phone! Anyone can get a divorce if they want one, even if the other person refuses to cooperate! If he is not divorced yet, it is because he does not want to be divorced yet. I pity the real wife in this tragic scenario, who is still legally married to a man who is so immature, grossly unfaithful, and lacking in integrity and character. Even if his legal wife has been unfaithful to him, that would never justify his own infidelity. This man should be using all of his time, talents, and energy trying to repair his shattered marriage, going to marriage counseling, and turning to God for help, instead of turning to a single girl for emotional support. His actions are hurting everyone involved here - by maintaining an extra marital relationship he is hurting himself - mentally, emotionally and especially spiritually. He also is seriously injuring his legal wife. Lastly, he is injuring a naïve single woman who is obviously needy, spiritually and emotionally immature, and very confused about appropriate boundaries, and what constitutes a healthy romantic relationship, not to mention the sanctity of marriage.
VleoralvJune 1, 2017
Say goodbye. I don't believe there are any states in the US that are not operating on the "No Fault" divorce law. No one can hold up a divorce. The only thing that stalls a divorce is the person/s who don't like the equitable division of property and they want to barter. I doubt your love has gone to his Stake President to discuss you. His membership may come into question. Infidelity comes in all sorts of packaging. It isn't only sexual. You have an opportunity to demonstrate to our Father and our Savior that you understand and respect the sanctity of the covenant of marriage. Don't throw this opportunity away.
CharlieBrown2292May 27, 2017
Why keep things simple when you can make them complicated?! You stand to have dozens of opportunities to meet and marry a single man with all the qualities you are looking after in a spouse, but you insist on dating a married man whose divorce has not even been finalized. Unfortunately, if you do not abide by correct principles, you will soon or later be faced with adverse consequences. There are enough single men waiting out there you do not need to focus on the one who spells trouble, unless you have some hangups on yourself that may require counseling.
Nicola in nzMay 27, 2017
Ferris, you assume I'm not divorced...ummm, yeah. Hubby upped and left for an older woman when I was 25 ( and we had a 5 mth old) He was still married...no matter what he told her! I didn't want to break my temple covenants cos in my mind, we were still married. So didn't copy him. Ferris, the guy is ' dating ' another woman. He is a married man. Just cos the first wife ' is stalling things " which again you are making up cos Geoff never said why he hasn't been able to do paperwork ( he might be stalling..!?! Shock horror , he might like playing two women off etc) We don't know. So let's just go with the facts, her parents and leaders ( which may have also been divorced!? U don't know ) have given her some warning voices, just as we have. Its up to her to follow them or Geoff's advice. Or even ours!? But she is probably not even on here and will never read our three cents as she is one of Geoff's clients. Five kids later I'm glad I didn't date before I was legally allowed too...I enjoyed those single mother years as I learnt who and what my Saviour is to me.
FerrisMay 27, 2017
Have you noticed the people saying to break up are those who have never never been through a divorce. They don't understand how or why a soon to be ex-spouse intentionly slows or holds up the divorce process. In some cases only a few months but too many it's tied up for years. It's done too often for greed (better pay out) or because it's one of the last power and control they'll have. (Unrighteous dominion). Too many good people who have never experienced this don't believe or understand that it happens. They need to stop looking at the world with "Rose Colorado Glasses" KEEP in touch but set boundaries (like you'very done) and keep them.
SarahMay 26, 2017
I find that reading classics is a good way to learn lessons and apply truth to situations we find ourselves in. I highly suggest reading Jane Eyre and following her example.
Nicola in nzMay 26, 2017
If he is living alone now, call up the separated wife and chat with her. Find out " why she won't sign the papers' get it from the horses mouth..so to speak If everything he said is then true, and she won't sign, find out what happens in those circumstances. ( wait 3 yrs then automatic ? I don't know ) But if ANYTHING is not true...drop the whole fantasy from your mind. From then on only text single men. He is married...no matter how you say it ! If everything is true , follow Geoff's advice, go travelling etc and catch up with him once single and ready to commit again. He is married !!! Its in black and white, don't become a mistress. You are better than that
Ron BarnesMay 26, 2017
He is probably lying to her about the divorce. I've seen it happen before. A gal I know dated a married man for 10 years. He told her his wife was dying and that after she did he would marry her. One day she discovered he was having relationships with other women at the same time. She learned a hard lesson; He (or she) who will cheat with you will also cheat on you.
DavidMay 26, 2017
Dear gal in her 20s, I am in my 80s and have been in the position of your friend.. My bishop councied me to wait for six months after my divorce. After the years that followed I learned that I had to resolve the issues of my covenant with my wife. To start a new relationship before I reconciled my covenant with my former wife and with Christ was self-centered, not Christ centered. Respecting covenants, as you know by being a missionary, is essential to our relationship with our Savior. Please do not enable your friend to disrespect the covenant of marriage as it is not only a piece of paper.
RozMay 26, 2017
As I told my sister when she was dating a man that was not happy in his marriage...God doesn't break up one marriage to create another one. You are being given very sound advise - end the contact with this man. I know you think he's wonderful, and he may be. However, I have known of men (and women) who used their "troubled marriage" to get what they wanted outside of their marriage. Be smart and kind to yourself - don't put all your emotions on a man who may never be able to give you what you truly want - a secure marriage and a family.
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