It is very difficult in this life to completely forgive a parent who abandoned you, molested you, tried to kill you, severely abused you, etc. Why would you want to be sealed to that person for eternity, regardless if they fully repent? There was never love in that parent, only hatred and anger and homicide. How wonderful if in Christ they can heal and somehow move forward and be safe as parents to someone else. Why should I be stuck with a "parent" who loathed my existence? And I am the one with the greater sin if I choose NEVER to be sealed to the person who literally tried to annihilate me? Forgiveness and trust are two different powers, virtues, realities. I can forgive the parent who inflicted multiple traumas on me for the first 16 years of my life, traumas that still have some lasting consequences decades later. And if my bio father who served the last 20 years in the temple ever fully repents, awesome. Good for him. If he repented while alive ONLY God knows, for real.
I know that forgiveness is an eternal healing power. You can forgive someone and not trust them.
vickieApril 10, 2017
I found this article very enlightening....thank you for that...
ChuckApril 10, 2017
I have had to deal with the worst, dishonest thing that a spouse can face. My former wife and I are no longer together (my sons are with me--their choice), but I have never---NEVER---been angry with her, and held a grudge. That's not what my Savior would do. It is so very liberating not to hold a grudge. Several months ago I was released as a Church Service Missionary, after conducting the Lord's program on addiction recovery and healing for two years in my stake. Not holding a grudge, but rather forgiving, is not only good for you; it also shows the Lord you are willing and able to help others, which is what this is all about.
YvonneApril 7, 2017
We cannot control the actions of others. To them is is given the agency to make choices for themselves. Unfortunately, that may mean that in this life they may not forgive. But that in no way means they have to be stuck in that mindset for eternity. There are many wonderful teachers in the spirit realm that are teaching and testifying to every wounded soul. Repentance can come while in the body or in the spirit, and we cannot be the judge of when or where it will happen to someone else. The important thing to remember is that we need to work on ourselves now so that WE will always be prepared and ready. You can always fast and pray for the person struggling with forgiveness. It is a very powerful tool.
Nadine AndertonApril 7, 2017
Don't the scriptures say that the one who refuses to forgive commits the greater sin? If you have sincerely asked for forgiveness, and have truly repented in your heart, you have done your part. I have family members who have done things to deliberately tear my family apart, and I have struggled to forgive them in spite of the fact that they seem to feel they have done nothing wrong. It's hard, because their hurtful actions repeat themselves and in some cases have continued to another generation (now-grown children who didn't know that what their parents had done was based on untruths, judge us based on the false traditions of their parents) with another whole set of consequences. But I continue to struggle to forgive, which includes reminding myself that judgment is not my prerogative but the Lord's.
Joni HiltonApril 7, 2017
If you've done all you can to make peace and restore love, then you can pass through the veil with a clear conscience. The person who still cannot let go of resentment is the one who needs to repent, ideally in this life, not the next. But you need not carry the burden of their bitterness; this is their internal struggle to overcome. Sometimes when a person carries anger for something "trivial," as you describe, there's a good chance that there's more going on here than that trivial offense. It's possible you represent an earlier, hurtful event in that person's life, and they haven't even made the connection, yet.
Henry K.April 7, 2017
I truly have learned something very important to me from this great talk and do appreciate it for being published. My circumstances could have easily caused me to have failed at doing what's best and right for my family. After all they are God's children. Even though I was I never a part of it. Thanks again and keep them coming.
Anne WingateApril 6, 2017
What about a person who will not forgive you no matter how hard you try to make peace, and how trivial the offense was?
HeatherApril 6, 2017
When I was a young girl I listened to my great-aunt and grandmother talking about someone I did not know; however, I knew they didn't like that person very much. Much later I found out that the person they were talking about had been dead for many years. At that tender age I saw that holding a grudge and not forgiving did more harm to my dear relatives than it did to the person who had died. It was a lesson that would come to serve me very well later in my life. Because of what I had learned I was very aware that I needed to forgive a person whose actions caused such emotional pain that my body hurt. It took me several years but as I persevered and continued to petition the Lord for that forgiveness He blessed me with it. I found that the pain was gone and replaced with a tender love and compassion. It was a tender mercy, something I could not do on my own power no matter how hard I tried. Forgiveness is a gift from the Lord and does not come easily but is worth every moment of effort on our part. Now, many years later, I have renewed a tender relationship with that person who hurt me. We are filled with love for each other and I am extremely grateful for the Lord's wonderful gift.
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Hannah A.April 23, 2017
It is very difficult in this life to completely forgive a parent who abandoned you, molested you, tried to kill you, severely abused you, etc. Why would you want to be sealed to that person for eternity, regardless if they fully repent? There was never love in that parent, only hatred and anger and homicide. How wonderful if in Christ they can heal and somehow move forward and be safe as parents to someone else. Why should I be stuck with a "parent" who loathed my existence? And I am the one with the greater sin if I choose NEVER to be sealed to the person who literally tried to annihilate me? Forgiveness and trust are two different powers, virtues, realities. I can forgive the parent who inflicted multiple traumas on me for the first 16 years of my life, traumas that still have some lasting consequences decades later. And if my bio father who served the last 20 years in the temple ever fully repents, awesome. Good for him. If he repented while alive ONLY God knows, for real. I know that forgiveness is an eternal healing power. You can forgive someone and not trust them.
vickieApril 10, 2017
I found this article very enlightening....thank you for that...
ChuckApril 10, 2017
I have had to deal with the worst, dishonest thing that a spouse can face. My former wife and I are no longer together (my sons are with me--their choice), but I have never---NEVER---been angry with her, and held a grudge. That's not what my Savior would do. It is so very liberating not to hold a grudge. Several months ago I was released as a Church Service Missionary, after conducting the Lord's program on addiction recovery and healing for two years in my stake. Not holding a grudge, but rather forgiving, is not only good for you; it also shows the Lord you are willing and able to help others, which is what this is all about.
YvonneApril 7, 2017
We cannot control the actions of others. To them is is given the agency to make choices for themselves. Unfortunately, that may mean that in this life they may not forgive. But that in no way means they have to be stuck in that mindset for eternity. There are many wonderful teachers in the spirit realm that are teaching and testifying to every wounded soul. Repentance can come while in the body or in the spirit, and we cannot be the judge of when or where it will happen to someone else. The important thing to remember is that we need to work on ourselves now so that WE will always be prepared and ready. You can always fast and pray for the person struggling with forgiveness. It is a very powerful tool.
Nadine AndertonApril 7, 2017
Don't the scriptures say that the one who refuses to forgive commits the greater sin? If you have sincerely asked for forgiveness, and have truly repented in your heart, you have done your part. I have family members who have done things to deliberately tear my family apart, and I have struggled to forgive them in spite of the fact that they seem to feel they have done nothing wrong. It's hard, because their hurtful actions repeat themselves and in some cases have continued to another generation (now-grown children who didn't know that what their parents had done was based on untruths, judge us based on the false traditions of their parents) with another whole set of consequences. But I continue to struggle to forgive, which includes reminding myself that judgment is not my prerogative but the Lord's.
Joni HiltonApril 7, 2017
If you've done all you can to make peace and restore love, then you can pass through the veil with a clear conscience. The person who still cannot let go of resentment is the one who needs to repent, ideally in this life, not the next. But you need not carry the burden of their bitterness; this is their internal struggle to overcome. Sometimes when a person carries anger for something "trivial," as you describe, there's a good chance that there's more going on here than that trivial offense. It's possible you represent an earlier, hurtful event in that person's life, and they haven't even made the connection, yet.
Henry K.April 7, 2017
I truly have learned something very important to me from this great talk and do appreciate it for being published. My circumstances could have easily caused me to have failed at doing what's best and right for my family. After all they are God's children. Even though I was I never a part of it. Thanks again and keep them coming.
Anne WingateApril 6, 2017
What about a person who will not forgive you no matter how hard you try to make peace, and how trivial the offense was?
HeatherApril 6, 2017
When I was a young girl I listened to my great-aunt and grandmother talking about someone I did not know; however, I knew they didn't like that person very much. Much later I found out that the person they were talking about had been dead for many years. At that tender age I saw that holding a grudge and not forgiving did more harm to my dear relatives than it did to the person who had died. It was a lesson that would come to serve me very well later in my life. Because of what I had learned I was very aware that I needed to forgive a person whose actions caused such emotional pain that my body hurt. It took me several years but as I persevered and continued to petition the Lord for that forgiveness He blessed me with it. I found that the pain was gone and replaced with a tender love and compassion. It was a tender mercy, something I could not do on my own power no matter how hard I tried. Forgiveness is a gift from the Lord and does not come easily but is worth every moment of effort on our part. Now, many years later, I have renewed a tender relationship with that person who hurt me. We are filled with love for each other and I am extremely grateful for the Lord's wonderful gift.
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