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“Please bless that the two new spots in Mommy’s brain are not cancer.”

This most recent phrase from my eight-year-old son’s prayers tugs at my heartstrings, but also causes me to question faith.

Living with stage IV cancer is a constant battle of choosing to move forward in my own faith. Just when I think that faith is unwavering, hearing these prayers causes me to wonder:

Will the reality that this illness may someday take my life challenge the faith of my three sons, who constantly pray that their mom won’t die from cancer?

Have I taught them that God loves them and hears their prayers, even when the answers aren’t exactly what they hope?

Do they know that having faith that Mom will be healed must include having the faith that it’s okay if she’s not, that God is still in charge and has a plan for our family?

I’ve wrestled with these questions, especially when I am not completely sure where my own thoughts fall in all of it. I have faith in a loving Heavenly Father and in a Savior who died that I might return to Him. I know the power of healing miracles. However, part of me feels like I’m abandoning my faith to be healed whenever my thoughts waver between believing I’ll stay healthy, and preparing myself for the eventual news that doctors someday won’t be able to stop cancer from taking over.

To read the full article on Aggieland Mormons, click here.