Since General Conference I have been contemplating Pres. Dieter Uchtdorf’s succinct counsel on how to stop judging people.
As a reminder, I quote him: “This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it!”
And, he added, “It’s that simple.”
Like a lot of inspired counsel, that injunction can be applied to other situations in life, following the example of another inspired prophet who likened all scriptures to his people for their “profit and learning” (1 Nephi 19:23).
As I’ve thought about Pres. Uchtdorf’s statement, I have remembered a few times in my life when I have tried to just stop some destructive, even sinful, behavior and have received the strength of the Lord and His grace to do so.
A memory is burned into my mind of a time when I was about 11 and had a pesky little sister a couple of years younger than I was. She followed me around all the time and wanted to play with my friends and me. I felt I was infinitely more sophisticated and cooler than she was, so I would attempt to rid myself of her presence in somewhat mean terms at times.
Our mother, of course, watched all this and could see both sides of the sibling issue. I remember so clearly the day she said to me, “Why do you treat your sister so meanly, Susan? She just loves you and wants to be with you.”
So I stopped. I made the decision right then and there to stop being so mean to her and allow her into my life and friendships. I don’t remember really praying about it. I just made a conscious decision and then effort, even at that young age, to change my actions. The better feelings followed and I started down the path of having a sister who is my best friend in life and I imagine throughout eternity.
A thumb in a pillowcase
A friend of mine at church, now a grandmother, has told the story throughout the years of when one of her children couldn’t seem to stop sucking his thumb, however many times he was reminded by his parents.
One day, though, he announced he had stopped sucking his thumb. His parents asked how, and he said, “I prayed about it and had the idea to put my hand in my pillowcase when I went to bed so I couldn’t suck my thumb.”
And that was when he was able to conquer his problem-when he made the decision to stop and opened up the way for the Lord to help him.
A surprise answer
In still another example, I remember getting pretty involved in a TV show one time with some characters whose experiences mirrored the divorce I was going through. It was my favorite show, but one that would be called “a guilty pleasure.” In fact, it got to be a guiltier and guiltier pleasure.
At that time I was raising seven kids alone and holding several callings in our small ward. In my opinion, I was doing pretty good living the life of a consecrated member of the Church. But then I found myself sitting down with the stake president for a temple recommend interview. He knew what I had been experiencing and if there was anyone who deserved some enjoyable distraction in my life, it was I. Or so I thought.
When it came to the question of whether there was anything in my life that would make me unworthy to go to the House of the Lord, I thought for a moment and said, “Well, there is one show on TV I watch that I feel sort of guilty about sometimes.”Expecting, I suppose, him to pat him on the hand and say, “Well, Susan, you’re doing OK with raising those kids by yourself and being at church every time the doors are open, so don’t worry about it.”
Instead, he said, “OK. Stop watching it.”
And that was the end of his counsel. Easy for him to say, I thought, but I decided to try. The next Tuesday night, it was difficult, but I didn’t turn the show on. Or the next Tuesday.Or the next Tuesday. And I’ve lived just fine.
In fact, a couple of weeks ago, I saw one of the actresses who used to be on the show and tried to remember the name of it, but couldn’t.
Not too dramatic
And there are many other instances in my life and the lives of others close to me when the decision to just “stop it” has resulted in life-changing alterations of behavior. They may be less dramatic than the stories of Saul on the way to Tarsus or the Alma the Younger and the four sons of Mosiah, but they change the course of a life by one little-or is it big?-decision to just stop a behavior.
When we make that decision, we open up a place in the pridefulness of our hearts that allows the grace and mercy of the Savior to flow in and truly change us. He stands ready to help us at all times, but the real power comes when we invite Him in then move over to give Him room.
In the two words of “stop it,” we hear the echoes of Ether 12:27: “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
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Sometimes it’s just that easy.
Susan Elzey is a freelance writer and would love for you to buy her novel “Miracle of the Christmas Star,” which isn’t really a Christmas story at all, regardless of what the marketing people who changed her title said. It’s a story of a mother’s love, faith, and enduring courage for all times of the year and can ordered from Amazon and at www.cedarfort.com.
