Jane’s is under strict doctor’s orders to plump up. Yes, gain weight. Put a little junk in her trunk. Add a little muffin to her top. Basically, outgrow her size 1 diapers once and for all!

If only we could all hear such words uttered by our doctors…(Well, except for the diapers part.)

Jane’s height is great, her head circumference perfect, but her weight is in what the pediatrician calls “the 2nd percentile.”

She’s like having a real live doll that cries and wets. Same size, weight and everything. She even has those soft wispy bangs that sweetly sweep in the front. For a while it even seemed like she closed her eyes when we laid her down and opened them again when we pulled her back up into a sitting position. (I promise that did happen a handful of times.)

But now her petite-ness is outgrowing even her. She’s no longer a newborn but an “older baby” who needs to put some weight on her if she’s going to survive in a house full of rambunctious kids. She sits up fine, but a stiff wind or wild three year old can send her toppling over in a cinch.

Now, if it were me under stern orders to gain weight, no problem. I certainly know how to nurse a large chocolate peanut butter milkshake all day long and keep a healthy stash of peanut M&Ms in my purse. Piece of cake! Literally, a medicinal, big piece of chocolate cake everyday if I absolutely had to. No problemo. I even know how to liberally add cheese, bacon and/or ranch to any recipe, all in accordance with my physician’s would-be mandate. But babies are trickier. No salt, no dairy, no sugar, no nuts…Doesn’t that just take all the fun out of packin’ it on?

So that leaves us with starch and avocados. The doctor wants me to lace her foods with rice, breads and pasta. I’m to scour the ads for avocados on sale and buy them in bulk.

Oooh, guacamole does sound super yummy right now. I mean, Mexican food is practically implied when he said avocados, right? And there’s that big bag of chips I hid from the kids somewhere in the house unopened. I think I’ll make nachos for dinner tonight. Or maybe burritos. No, enchiladas. Or tostadas. Fajitas? No, tamales….

I’m sorry, what were we talking about again? Gaining weight? Who’s supposed to be gaining weight again? Right. Jane.

But it is a scientifically proven fact that diet plans are 100% more successful if the entire family is on board. We need to be supportive. Don’t want her feeling left out.

(Sigh.) What we parents do for our children…