Pleasing everybody is exhausting; believe me, I know.

When I pitched high school baseball, I tried to please the coach and my catcher at the same time. As a fearsome hitter would step to the plate, the coach would tell me, “Lay off the curve ball and give ‘em the heat.” Contrary to my coach’s explicit direction, my catcher would flash two fingers for the curve ball.

The result was that I walked the best hitters, unsure of what to throw. That uncertainty also caused an immediate energy drain. My “heater” became a cream-puff slow ball.

 

Losing focus

By definition, pleasing everybody requires divided loyalty. A person loyal to conflicting causes is disloyal to both. Such conflicts dilute our energy and drain our focus.

An old adage attributed to Abraham Lincoln says: “You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.” Over the years, pop-culture has substituted the word “please” for the word “fool.” How apropos.

Pleasing everybody doesn’t fool anybody–except the one doing the pleasing.

The Frustrated Police Officer

Some years ago I represented a client who had been falsely arrested. He alleged that during his detention an overly-aggressive police officer roughed him up, causing significant injuries. With the officer on the witness stand, I asked this question: “Now officer, would you please demonstrate for the jury what you did during this so-called ‘scuffle’ with my client?”

The officer became saucer-eyed and replied, “Are you sure you want me to do that, counselor?”

“Sure,” I said, “just come down here in front of the jury box and demonstrate.”

The officer stood in front of me, wound up in a tight corkscrew as if to heave a frisbee, and slammed me across the chest. It was like George Foreman lifting Joe Frazier off the canvass with an upper cut!

I flew backward and doubled over like a rag doll, gasping to catch my breath. When I cleared the cobwebs, I looked at the judge. Her mouth gaped open as she said, “Are you all right, Mr. Monahan?”

“No, your honor.”

In defense of the officer, I’m sure he was and is a good man. I have great respect for our men and women in blue. But that day, divided loyalty between keeping his courtroom cool and venting years of frustration about lawyers caused the officer to lose perspective and implode.

When the officer returned to his seat, I could see the shocked look of every juror. All I said at that point was, “No further questions; the plaintiff rests.” You can guess the outcome. 

Two Masters

For Christians, divided loyalty is spiritually harmful. The Savior declared, “No man can serve two masters: for either he will love the one, and hate the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon” (Matthew 6:24).

The pleasing-everybody syndrome extends not only to dividing our loyalty between the natural man and God, but to pleasing ourselves at God’s expense. There is a difference between a balanced life of work and wholesome recreation versus acquiring more for the sake of more. Just as we would grow tired of our favorite dessert night after night (except chocolate), so we are drained by the empty calories of overindulgent self-pleasing at the expense of pleasing God first.

Perhaps the litmus test for all Christians is simply this: What do we desire most? Is it to please God, or man? If God, then focusing on the things of God enhances our ability to focus on what matters most.

As modern revelation reminds us, “That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day” (Doctrine and Covenants 50:24).

 

Conclusion

For all you pleasers out there, I commiserate with you. We try to please those whom we love. From time to time we even need to please ourselves, but we needn’t divide our loyalty between conflicting causes. As wise Joshua of the Old Testament reminds us: “choose you this day whom ye will serve” (Joshua 24:15).

As for me and my house, I’m learning not to confuse spirit-directed service with self-directed pleasing. How about you?