Webster’s defines flexible as “yielding to influence: pliable.” By that definition, being flexible could be helpful or harmful. If we are easily influenced by the wrong things, we might yield to those things, as in “yielding to the enticings of that cunning one” (2 Ne. 9:39). To avoid being “tossed to and fro” (Eph. 4:14), our flexibility–especially to accept certain challenges–must stem from “yielding to the enticings of the Holy Spirit” (Mosiah 3:19). That happens when we follow the Savior’s example and yield our will to His. (see Hel 3:35).
Golden Rule/Platinum Rule
The Golden Rule is a good starting point for yielding. (see Matt. 7:12). It is a template for how to treat others, but there is a more daunting challenge that requires a high level of charity and discipline when others mistreat us, or when we don’t get our way. Jesus taught: “And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other, and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take away thy coat also” (Luke 6:29). James E. Talmage suggests this submissiveness was directed more to the apostles than to us. (see James. E. Talmage, Jesus The Christ, Deseret Book, 1915, p. 220). However, such submissiveness illustrates that life for any disciple is a series of choices. We have power over choice. We can choose to be angry, contentious, or to hold a pity-party when mistreated or when we don’t get our way. We can also choose the freedom of gratitude, even for trials, and thus, let go of certain things.
Would that many of today’s litigants could apply this Platinum Rule; for if they would, they might save themselves the grief of litigation, the poison of anger, and the cost of vengeance mistaken for justice. As a litigator, I have seen it all, and one thing I know: most disputes could have been solved before they snowballed. By taking the higher ground of forgiveness, charity, long-suffering and channeling bitterness into worthier, healthier pursuits, we live the Platinum Rule.
When Anger Flares
It is human nature that our angriest moments flare when we don’t get our way, or when others mistreat us. We may also wallow in self-pity, especially when something we desperately want is denied or delayed. Can you spot yourself in the list that follows?
1. Prayers, answered contrary to our petitions, resulting in a repeating loop of identical petitions;
2. Unfulfilled wants that morph into gnawing needs, even when not expedient for us;
3. Lashing out at the behavior of others because it reminds us of misbehavior in ourselves;
4. Not enough month at the end of the money, but an unwillingness to separate need from want;
5. Downplaying our own faults while magnifying the same faults in others–especially loved ones.
Summer Camp Disappointment
I remember the 4th grade. Mrs. English took me to task for my out-of-turn talking in class. My C grade in Social Responsibility reflected it. I needed to improve from a C to a B before my mother would allow me to go to summer camp with my best friend, Don Norris. Since my talking in class always involved Don Norris, I had to distance myself from him in order to qualify for camp with him! After a mighty effort, I improved my grade to a B. I could hardly wait for a week at Camp Bluff Lake with my best buddy. Alas, Don’s parents changed their plans. No summer camp with my buddy. I exploded in a fit of fury, then lapsed into a childish tantrum. Though I survived to enjoy camp, the let down of my best friend dashing my dreams was something I did not take well, nor graciously.
Casting Burdens
Keeping in mind the Platinum Rule, how do we shoulder our disappointments? How do we deal with real or perceived wrongs to stay even-tempered and free from jealousy or the blame-game? The Psalmist said, “Cast your burdens upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee” (Ps. 55:22). Like a skilled fly fisherman, the more we practice, the better we are at “casting.” Casting implies letting go and even targeting our burdens quickly and crisply toward more fertile waters. As we cast our burdens on Christ, we are lifted from the motion sickness of digging in our heels in turbulent tide pools. Our fog of jealousy evaporates. Our unrighteous desires melt. Our finger pointing softens as pride and selfishness yield to the Savior’s influence.
The Confrontational Pivot
When the rich, righteous young man confronted the Savior with his desire for eternal life, perhaps he was searching for a sound bite of praise for keeping the commandments. Instead, the Savior answered, “If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come follow me” (Matt. 19:21). The rich man went away sorrowing, not because he was incapable of further sacrifice, but because the sacrifice suggested by Jesus was strikingly disruptive to the young disciple’s view of himself. After all, he was a commandment keeper, yet he was asked to leave his silk sheets to follow one who had “not where to lay his head” (Matt. 8:20). So it is with most disappointments. They cause us to confront our deepest weaknesses–everything from pride to the unwanted pivot of disciple-stretching change.
Yielding Is Discipleship
Delaying wants and casting burdens to Christ is a hallmark of yielding disciples. Besides, disciples are more interested in the righteous desires of others. Serving the needs and wants of others is a peculiar joy, but it demands flexibility. Flexibility is a link in the chain of charity. That link is stronger in the give-and-take demanded by life’s very real tension on the line. Such willingness to yield to the Savior’s example helps us to adapt when others refuse. Such yielding helps us to see beyond the sin to the heart of the sinner when others will not. Christlike yielding allows us the flexibility to forgo our comfort zones for the necessary discomfort of discipleship.
