Music

As I look today at our foster son, Mark Wade Miner, and see the fine, honorable husband, father, son and servant of God he has become, I experience a feeling of awe knowing all that he has overcome to reach this point in his life. Although I have always sensed his innate goodness and believed he wanted with all his heart to be this person day in and day out, the reality of addiction is that it often robs one of the ability to achieve what he so desperately wants to achieve. 

When I see the man he is today, it is almost impossible to remember that this is the same man we once found unconscious on the floor of his bedroom in our home, seemingly more dead than alive from a drug overdose, and knew we had to call the paramedics to save his life, although we knew this would surely lead to his returning to prison . . . again. 

A Poem from Prison 

But this story goes back even a few years before this frightening event. I had been writing and recording gospel music for many years and some of my CDs and Songbooks had found their way into the Draper Prison Library where Mark had access to them. Out of the blue I received a heartfelt and very articulate letter from this young man whom I had never met, telling me that he had been listening to recordings of The Light Within and I Walk By Faith “countless times” and that the music had brought a powerful return of the Spirit into His life. Enclosed with his letter was a poem that the music had inspired, entitled: My Sister’s Song. 

            My Sister’s Song

      My sister’s words have moved me—

            A soul-song tenderly probing within battle-scared flesh,

            Carrying Heaven-sent emotions that quickly  

            Flake apart the veneer of fear,

            Crumble long-held walls of weakness,

            And remove the armored plates of doubt

            Which for so long have fiercely guarded my sin-won soul. 

            Living waters gently roll in on her words,

            Cleansing and softly healing the love-starved flesh of the heart—

      Now pink and alive and growing again,

      Beating with divinely-restored hope and joy.

      The battlefields of my mind are still and peaceful;

      The greening grass of purity now guards my love-won soul,

      Its Holy Victor now Captain of my destiny.

      Gratefully kneeling before Him who has given me all,

      I am filled with the bread of life.

      Rising, I hear a rustle as the Comforter comes,

      Borne to me on the wings of my sister’s song. 

      Mark W. Miner

      10-3-88 

I knew this poem had been written by someone of great spiritual depth who was reaching out in good ways for help and support in his mighty struggle against addiction. I answered his letter and invited further correspondence from him. ? ? 

Getting to Know Mark 

In one of his letters Mark gave me an overview of his life story and some of the things he felt had led him in diverse paths at an early age. His spiral from first experimenting with drugs to an all-out slide into an addiction which took over his life and dulled his innate good instincts was heartbreaking to read. I was no expert on this subject but held out a perhaps naïve hope that I might be instrumental in helping him overcome his struggles. 

Mark asked if my husband Doug and I might be willing to come to Draper Prison and present a musical program there. This was my first time to visit a prison but with some trepidation we agreed to do so. At this program we met Mark for the first time and felt the same good vibes in meeting him that I had felt through his letters and poetry. The evening was a good experience for us, and we returned later to present the Sunday service for those who wished to attend. It felt good to be there and I continued my correspondence with Mark. 

Later Mark was transferred to Gunnison Prison, and we went there also to present a couple of musical programs and were able to have additional association with Mark. At one of these events, after we had finished our presentation, it was announced that the ward choir (about twenty inmates) had prepared one of my songs and would like to sing for me. Doug and I both had tears in our eyes as we listened to the men sing, Just When I Need You the Most. It was obvious to us that Mark thrived in the disciplined prison environment, and we prayed that he would be able to carry this over to his post-prison life at some point in the future.

              Just When I Need You the Most

            There are times when I’m almost overcome

            By the thoughtless words I’ve spoken

            And the foolish things I’ve done.

            And I want to say I’m sorry, and I’d even like to pray

            But pride or shame get in the way. 

            There are times when I seem to lose my way,

            And I’m burdened with the sadness

            And the sorrow of the day.

            So I search beyond the shadows for a little ray of light

            To lead me safely through the night. 

                  Chorus:

                  Lord, just when I need you the most,

                  I find it the hardest to let you know.

                  Just when I’m aching inside to be heard

                  I can’t seem to speak the words.

                  It seems when I’m down on myself,

                  I find it the hardest to ask for help.

                  Weak and unworthy I try to look up

                  But cannot find strength enough. 

            Just when I’m feeling the pain

            Give me the courage to call your name

            I’ll be down on my knees

            Saying, “Help me, Lord, please,

            Help me to know you are close

            Just when I need you the most.” 

            (Janice Kapp Perry, 1989) 

Inviting Mark to Live with Us 

Eventually Mark was transferred back to Draper Prison and was being considered for parole. He needed to have lined up a place to live before his release and asked if we could try to help him find an apartment with roommates in Provo. For many years we had taken young men into our home, not through official state agencies, but just because we had heard they needed some temporary help. Each stayed  with us until he was able to be on his own—the longest stay was eight years. But our own children were raised now and we had just made the decision to discontinue doing this anymore since we were often gone on the weekends giving programs throughout the U.S. But we both felt that Mark should come and live with us if he were to have a chance to succeed. 

The next few years were a mixture of joy and pain for both him and us, as he made a valiant effort to stay drug-free and focused on positive goals. Twice he returned to using drugs which led to his returning to prison for nine months. We were losing confidence in our ability to help him in any real way, as much as we wished we could. After the frightening incident in his bedroom, described above, we had to search our hearts deeply as to whether we could keep allowing this influence in our home. But when he assured us that if we would give him one more chance, he would make it this time, somehow we believed him. 

One More Chance 

Mark’s original prison sentence in California was for armed robbery to support his drug habit. I believe that from beginning to end, with a few breaks when he was paroled, he served about twelve years total in prison. This last sentence turned out to be his final time in prison. Through the constancy of a beautiful young woman who believed in him and visited him in prison regularly and later became his wife, and with support from friends (us included) who had always believed in him, he has overcome what few have been able to overcome. 

Mark recently wrote the story of his life and as I read it I was amazed at the depths to which his addiction has taken him time after time: the dangerous situations he has been in, both in prison and on the outside; the reckless things he was willing to do to finance his drugs; the horrible days and weeks of withdrawal he has suffered over and over, only to use drugs again; and the terrible hurt he has caused those who love him. And yet time and time again when he was on the brink of total collapse and even death he reached out to the only source from which he could be liberated from the demons that held him bound—the power of God and the Atonement. I think he has as great an understanding of this power as any one I know. I believe that the fact that he continually sought strength from the only source of this kind of healing is the reason that he is alive today. 

Years have passed and Mark has overcome his addiction. I read once that if addicts can survive into their forties or fifties, occasionally their addiction will leave them, but the trouble is, few survive to that age. Not only has Mark survived, he has thrived! He and his wife Tammy, married in the LDS temple, have a handsome little son Ammon, five years old.

They live in a lovely new home in Utah County where Mark has served in many church callings. He is currently a church service missionary acting as a Facilitator in the Twelve-Step Recovery System encouraging and helping many others to find the strength that he has found to succeed against great odds as they put themselves in the hands of God and claim the blessings of the atonement. 

When I think of Mark, I think of the lyrics to a song I wrote some years ago:

      In the Arms of His Love 

     There is but One who bore all things for us,

      There is but One who offers perfect love.

      Whatever earthly pain we know,

      He has descended far below.

      There is no sorrow he cannot comprehend.

      There is no suffering he cannot understand.

      He was forsaken, left alone.

      Our deepest pain to Him is known.

•           In the arms of His love there is healing,

•           In the arms of His love there is hope.

•           There is One who is just, there is One we can trust,

•           We are safe in the arms of His love. 

I feel it an honor to have known Mark and witnessed one of the greatest miracles of courage and persistence in claiming the blessings of the Atonement that I will probably ever see. He gave me permission to share his story with the hope that it  might inspire others to reach out for healing and come back into His marvelous light.