“Sowwy,” sniffed my pouty-lipped four year old, Luke, this morning. You see, he was covered head to toe, smothered in the 44oz Very Berry smoothie I had just made for myself…as was the kitchen floor, the cupboards, the insides of the left opened drawers…

And the carpet. (Cue creepy, screeching violins.)

Now, I know some moms more patient than I would have dashed for the camera and created a memory. But the big kids were running late, and Curious Baby Dean was already toddling over to the magenta massacre like a fly to honey chanting, “moomie, moomie” (that’s how he says “smoothie”), and I was hungry dagnabbit!–That was my breakfast!

I took a deep breath, put Luke in the bathtub, sent the big kids out the door, got a load of berry stained laundry agitating in the washer, and put on a movie for Curious Dean. Both Luke and the kitchen floor were cleaned up in minutes. But there was spill over.

On the carpet. (Again, the screeching violins.)

Who’s idea was this to staple gun hundreds of square yards of high pile fabric onto the floors of America? We encourage our youth to dig in the dirt, concoct in the kitchen, and dip things in dye. Just don’t come inside the house and get it on the carpet!!

I can connect our Very Berry spots and other various carpet stains like star constellations in the sky. We have the entire zodiac just in the four square feet leading from the kitchen to the stairs. And the playroom? If there were ever a blackout, I could snuggle with my kids in there, shine the flashlight on the carpet and say,

“Oh look, kids! Cassiopeia! Look right there! The Hunter! Now, who can find the Big Dipper? Good!!”

I’ve finally resigned to just having the carpets professionally cleaned every six months. We do okay for about the first three months. I still scrub the stains away. Towards the end of the fourth month, I get about a C, C- in Carpet Cleaning. By month five I’m down to just vacuuming, and if that doesn’t lift the stain, so be it. The Carpet Guy will be coming soon.

Right now I’m in month six: constellation month.

So Luke is one lucky boy he made his Big Smoothie Spill of 2010 today of all days. The Carpet Guy is coming tomorrow!
Hmmm, how do you think I could get one of those heavy duty carpet cleaning machines that Carpet Guy’s got bolted onto the back of his truck?

Do you think they could mount one of those puppies onto my minivan?

Margaret Anderson is a BYU graduate and the mother of four small children. You can read more of her daily columns on her blog at www.jamsandpickles.wordpress.com