Clean Hands, Pure Heart
Overcoming Addiction to Pornography through the Redeeming Power of Jesus Christ
Chapter 10: Step Six – Part 2
By Philip A. Harrison
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. (A.A. and Heart t’ Heart traditional versions)
Became humble enough to yield our hearts and our lives to Christ for His sanctification and purification, relying wholly upon His merits, acknowledging even our own best efforts as unprofitable. (Helaman 3:35; 2 Nephi 31:19; Mosiah 2:20-21) (Heart t’ Heart scriptural version)
What We Need, We Can’t Do for Ourselves
I don’t think anyone would argue that Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah were deep in the “slums” of worldly behavior and sinful choices. Yet, as Alma went through his three days of intense repentance, he cried out to the only One who could lift him out of those slums of unrighteous attitudes and behavior:
And it came to pass that I was three days and three nights in the most bitter pain and anguish of soul; and never, until I did cry out unto the Lord Jesus Christ for mercy, did I receive a remission of my sins. But behold, I did cry unto him and I did find peace to my soul. (Alma 38:8)
For many years, I read this verse and interpreted Alma’s words “and I did find peace to my soul” to mean he had finally repented for his sins and been forgiven. But in truth, much more than forgiveness took place in that moment when he cried out to the Savior for mercy. Christ didn’t just forgive Alma. Christ did that thing for Alma that Alma couldn’t do for himself. Christ gave Alma a complete remission of the effects of sin! In that moment, Alma’s whole disposition or character was changed. Not only did he never return to the errors of his past, he devoted the rest of his life to repairing the damage he had done and to teaching others of Christ’s redeeming love.
Something was at work in Alma’s heart and mind that was more than simply “being forgiven.”
Looking back now, I realize how often my repentance was just a bandage to cover the deeply infected wound of addiction. I wanted to meet the requirements of talking with the bishop and doing what he asked, and then move on. Even though I told myself I was sincere in my intent to change, is it any wonder that in a short while I found myself back in the same situation, needing to confess again, and “be forgiven” still again? This kind of “serial repentance” is an indication of an attempt to change that has not yet connected with the Savior’s power to redeem.
A story told by Elder Ronald E. Poelman illustrates the dilemma we will all have until we finish the preparation represented in Step Six:
Recently I was in private conversation with one who, having committed a serious transgression, had also made intense effort to repent and receive forgiveness from those personally offended, from the Church, and from the Lord.
He spoke of how he had forsaken his transgressive behavior of the past, confessed to proper priesthood authorities, and attempted to make restitution to those offended. He further described his efforts to live according to gospel principles and Church standards.
The Savior and his atoning sacrifice were not mentioned. The underlying assumption seemed to be that divine forgiveness is obtained through those steps of repentance limited to changing one’s behavior. Despite the brother’s earnest efforts to repent, he appeared to be burdened still by remorse and regret and to feel that he must continue to pay for his sins.
One who assumes that he can or must pay the price for his sins and thereby earn divine forgiveness will not feel free to continue progress toward realizing his divine potential, that is, eternal life.
The fact is we cannot save ourselves. (Ensign, Nov. 1993, 84, emphasis added)
Until we forsake our self-centered approach to repentance and surrender our need totally to the Savior, we remain in danger of slipping into addiction again. Elder Dallin H. Oaks talks about how deep the change needs to go if we are to have a real remission of our sins:
We tend to think of the results of repentance as simply cleansing us from sin. But that is an incomplete view of the matter. A person who sins is like a tree that bends easily in the wind. On a windy and rainy day, the tree bends so deeply against the ground that the leaves become soiled with mud, like sin. If we focus only on cleaning the leaves, the weakness in the tree that allowed it to bend and soil its leaves may remain. Similarly, a person who is merely sorry to be soiled by sin will sin again in the next high wind. The susceptibility to repetition continues until the tree has been strengthened.
When a person has gone through the process that results in what the scriptures call a broken heart and a contrite spirit, the Savior does more than cleanse that person from sin. He also gives him or her new strength.We must, as the scripture says, “[become] a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord.” (Mosiah 3:19.) This is what the scripture means in its explanation that a person who has repented of his sins will “forsake them.” (D&C 58:43.) Forsaking sins is more than resolving not to repeat them. Forsaking involves a fundamental change in the individual. (Ensign, July 1992, 72-73)
His Yoke is Easy
Maybe changing our character wasn’t what we were looking for when we started into this recovery process, but in time we learn that the Lord has much more in mind for us than just freeing us from our addiction. In His goodness, He wants to take us all the way to perfection and complete happiness. Elder James E. Talmage taught:
We believe that our spirits are the offspring of Deity, and we hold that when Christ said to His apostles, “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect,” He was not talking of a merely idealistic yet impossible achievement; but that on the contrary He meant that it was possible for men to advance until they shall become like unto the Gods in their powers and in their attainments, through righteousness. (Conference Report, April 1915, 123)
While the journey may be long, and in places very difficult, even painful, we are destined for eventual greatness. The Lord intends to make us over in His glorious image:
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate [foreordain] to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate [foreordain], them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified. (Romans 8:28-30)
Of course, in this remaking process, many things will have to be left behind. In truth, I thought the prospect of giving up not only my addiction, but actual portions of my character or heart, sounded dauntingly painful! After all, being your typical mortal, I don’t like pain. Obviously. My addiction was proof of how far and how long I could run from the discomforts of everyday life.
But finally I had to accept the fact that if I wanted to be delivered from my addictions, I would have to allow all these painful changes in my innermost self. I had to face the fact that my surrender had to be to the very depths of my heart. As I humbled myself and started to listen to the Spirit guide me into recovery, I was relieved to find that the Lord didn’t ask me to change all at once, but instead was gentle and patient, showing me the next thing I could let go of, and then the next after that. Step by step, He led me out of the quagmire my life had become.
For example, when I first became abstinent, I knew I needed to get rid of any materials that were triggering me. I owned some movies that were definitely in this category, and one by one, the Lord gave me the willingness to let go of them. Finally, I was left with just a few, some that I really wrestled with the Lord about.
“Come on,” I reasoned. “Artistically, these are really top-notch movies. What if I just keep them and edit them?” Now, you have to understand that I had no experience at editing videos or access to the necessary equipment. It wasn’t until months later, as I went through the process of Step Six, that I was able to honestly admit my deeper intentions – that some part of me wanted to keep those movies around just in case. Only when my heart was pure in this matter, could my “hands” become truly clean. Finally, even those movies went in the trash – where they belonged. Step by step, the Lord led me to where I needed to be, and He was with me every step of the way, patiently making my reformation possible.
When we are facing such mighty change head-on, the truth we often haven’t recognized is that the Lord can bring to pass that which would be impossible for us to do on our own. Bit by bit, as we turn our hearts over to Christ, our desires begin to change and we begin to loosen our grasp on the false supports we have used. In time we find many changes have happened without our even being aware of them. He never asks more of us than we can do in His strength, but patiently prepares us to receive that strength.
Putting God First
President Benson taught that when we put God first in our lives, other things take care of themselves:
We must put God in the forefront of everything else in our lives. He must come first, just as He declares in the first of His Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me. (Exodus 20:3)
When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.
We should put God ahead of everyone else in our lives. (Ensign, May 1988, 4. Italics original.)
Thus, we find we don’t have to spend a tremendous effort on each one of our character defects individually – we only have to let God be in charge of our lives, and the transformation will follow:
But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage. (Mosiah 7:33)
What a marvelous promise! What glory to be free of the bondage, not only of addiction, but of so many faults that have plagued my life. But this promise is conditional: it is based on my willingness to put my trust in the Lord. The Lord can make marvelous changes in our lives for us when we finally ask Him, or more accurately, when we finally give Him permission, but He won’t violate our agency by doing it without our involvement. As we read in Sexaholics Anonymous (p. 96):
Without God, I can’t.
Without me, God won’t.
One Final Fear-Will My Needs be Met?
As I contemplated making a more complete surrender to the Lord than I had ever made before, one final fear still haunted me: What will happen to me if I let go of everything I have used to prop myself up? Will the Lord really take care of me as He has promised? I wasn’t too sure. I wasn’t sure that following Him would bring me the happiness I sought.
What about the pain in my life? I only knew one way to deal with it, and that was to submerge myself in my addiction. Even if that didn’t work for long, it was very effective in distracting me in the short run. Could the Lord do as much for me as I pretended I could do for myself? If I had only known how good the Lord really is, and how willing to take my burdens from me, I would never have fallen into the addictive patterns I did – seeking happiness and relief where there is truly only pain. President Benson’s reassuring promise bears repeating:
Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life (see Matt. 10:39). (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, 361-71)
I praise my Savior that at some point I finally became willing to test His promises. What relief and joy I found! When I finally made the decision to let the Lord direct my life, I found things went so much more easily and joyfully than I had ever dreamed they could. I have truly come to know for myself the truth of the Lord’s promise:
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)
With such goodness awaiting me, why did I delay so long? The Lord’s way is much better than mine! Indeed, we can trust Him with our lives.
Making the Most of This Chapter
Please take time to answer the following questions in your recovery journal.
1. Step Six is a preparation step. Alma’s records, “The Lord did pour out his Spirit on all the face of the land to prepare the minds of the children of men, or to prepare their hearts to receive the word which should be taught among them at the time of his coming” (Alma 16:16, emphasis added). Write about the difference between having your mind prepared and having your heart prepared. Write about the state of preparation you feel you are at in these two areas.
2. Review your response to Question 1 in Chapter Four and the list you made about the efforts you have made up until now to repent of your addiction and underlying character flaws. How do the results of these efforts compare with the promise of “remission”? Can you identify any problems from your past that you feel are now in remission, that do not trouble you like they used to?
3. King Benjamin admonishes us to watch ourselves in the areas of “your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds” (Mosiah 4:30). Write about the character traits your thoughts, your words and your deeds reveal. Do they tend to be overly aggressive ones – anger, control, etc. -or overly passive ones – fear, placing others’ opinions above God’s, etc.?
4. Nephi said, “I know in whom I have trusted” (2 Nephi 4:19), referring, of course, to the Lord. Write about your willingness to “offer your whole souls as an offering unto Him” (Omni 1:26). How much trust do you have in the Lord to manage your life and bring you happiness? How can you increase your faith in the Lord? Write about how Alma‘s sermon on faith (Alma 32) applies here.
5. Read “Step Six Inventory of Character Defects” in Appendix B (281). Write about each character trait you identify with, how your life would be better if that particular character flaw were removed from you. Write about your willingness to surrender each character defect to the Savior.
Next Week – Chapter 11: Step Seven
Clean Hands, Pure Heart by Philip A. Harrison, and its companion LDS 12 Step book, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage by Colleen C. Harrison, are available at most LDS bookstores and can be ordered online at www.ldscloseouts.com or www.rosehavenpublishing.com
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