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Have you ever been in an argument and didn’t know how to make up? Have you said things that you regret and wished you could take back? Have you been hurt by someone and didn’t know how to let go of the grudge?
I loved my first companion, but when I was transferred, I was stuck with an older missionary who was my exact opposite. We had nothing in common and little to say to each other. He was structured and strict. When we rode our bikes through Mendoza, Argentina, he would whistle for me, as if I were his dog. How does anyone get along with a guy like that?
I didn’t even try.
He made me so mad that I began to employ a strategy that I had learned as a teenager: The Silent Treatment. I would show him. If he wanted the privilege of my company, he would have to mend his ways, otherwise, SILENCE. A mature approach, don’t you think?
Of course, the Lord’s work suffered; in fact, the work ground to a halt. But I wasn’t going to give in. After all, I had my pride. Pridethe common denominator of all contention. If I gave an inch, I would lose the battle and he would win. No, even if I was wrong, I would remain immovable. No matter what, I wouldn’t utter a syllable. All he would get from me was silence.
Pretty juvenile, but all of us know juveniles who masquerade as adults. Finally, someone had to do something, but that person wasn’t going to be me. My companion proved to be the adult in the relationship. One day, I awakened to see him dressed in his suit, sitting on a stool in the corner of our apartment, shining my shoes! My stubbornness melted and my heart softened. We started talking again, and we went back to work.
I never ended up liking him, but I learned to respect him and we stopped fighting. From that experience, I learned one of the greatest lessons of my life: It’s hard to hate someone who shines your shoes.
I don’t recall that my companion apologized. He just served me, and that simple act of service broke the ice and brought us to a point where we could start over. My companion neutralized the contention by doing the unexpected. He reacted with an act of kindness.
What holds us to contentions? Pride, certainly. We don’t want to be a victim and admit defeat. But I suspect that fear and ignorance contribute: Fear that we will lose control or be confronted or become a door mat; ignorance about how to take the first step toward peace. You don’t know how to diffuse the contention and regain an element of control.
One suggestion is to react, as did my companion, with kindness. “Love your enemy” without expecting anything in return. “I am doing this because of who I am, not because of the other person’s behavior.” Your integrity demands that you take an action. By doing so, you are not admitting defeat; you are facing your fears and doing what is required to place yourself in a position of controlat least in control of yourself.
But is there is something more sinister lurking beneath the surface of contention? Is it possible that contention is driven by an external, evil force? Is the spirit of contention more than a descriptive name?
Consider this story in the Book of Mormon, recounting the abduction of twenty-four Lamanite daughters by King Noah’s wicked, disenfranchised priests. The reaction of the Lamanites and their king is telling:
And it came to pass that when the Lamanites found that their daughters had been missing, they were angry with the people of Limhi, for they thought it was the people of Limhi. Therefore they sent their armies forth; yea, even the king himself went before his people; and they went up to the land of Nephi to destroy the people of Limhi.
No attempt to fact-find, no investigation, no questions, the Lamanites simply reacted to what they perceived as evidence. They assumed the worst, made an emotional decision, added to it anger, leveled harsh accusations, and rushed to judgment. The result? “The battle became exceedingly sore;” “they fought like lions for their prey.” Peace was shattered; pride and competition held sway over reason, and many lives were lost.
What fatal mistake had the Lamanites made? They “at-oned” with the spirit of contention.
To at-one is the tendency of something or someone to join with and become one with something or someone of a similar spirit: like joining with like.
We commonly associate the phenomenon of at-oneing with Christ’s great At-one-ment by which Jesus resolved our weaknesses, sins and challenges, and cleared every obstacle that stood between us and becoming at-one with him and the Father.
The spirit of contention works on the same premise but destroys rather than saves. The spirit of contention is a fundamental hindrance to the At-one-ment and to the establishment of Zion. Consequently, Jesus condemned it: “For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.”
We learn about the universal principle of “at-one-ment“ in D&C 88: “For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light.” Notice the descriptive verbs when at-one-ment is allowed to properly play out: “cleaveth,” “receiveth,” “embraceth,” “loveth.” The opposites are true of the spirit of contention: it tears apart, rejects, resists and despises.
At-one-ment implies ownership of a thing or an individual: “Mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own; justice continueth its course and claimeth its own.” We are owned by the spirit that we at-one with. We cannot avoid the pros and cons of the law governing the principles of at-one-ment; the makeup of the universe and our individual nature will always cause like spirits to seek each other out and pair up.
Think of the spirit of contention as a dark entity, for it is certainly that. As examples, we read of the “spirit of the most bitter persecution and reviling,” “spirit of an unclean devil,” “spirit of infirmity,” “spirit of bondage,” “spirit of fear,” “spirit of error,” “spirit of jealousy” “spirit of whoredoms,” “spirit of anti-Christ,” and Paul speaks of “a certain damsel possessed with a spirit of divination.” These spirits seek opportunity to “stir up the hearts of the people to contention.”
The descriptions of these satanic beings are not meant to be metaphorical but rather intended to detect the various dark spirits and expose their diabolical assignments and offices. When we give them an audience or mimic their actions–whether these spirits are manifesting through another person or they tempt us to react and behave according to their assignment–we at-one with them. We forfeit a portion of our agency, give them leave to enter and act upon our bodies, and allow them to have their way with us. Suddenly, “the devil has power over [us]and we become “carnal, sensual and devilish.”
The best of us steps into this snare, often easily. How does it happen? One reason is ignorance.
Satan is in possession of a piece of information about the physical body that we might not fully understand, and he would like to keep that secret to himself. The physical body is like the artist’s canvas: its sole purpose is to be “acted upon” by the artist, who uses it to give tangible reality to the picture in his mind. Similarly, the physical body is uniquely designed to be “acted upon” by the spirit, who has the power “to act.”
But other spirits can influence the physical body. We exist in a continuous tug-of-war of competing influences: on the one hand there are myriad evil and unclean spirits; on the other hand there are the righteous spirits who receive their assignments from the Lord, for instance, “spirits of just men made perfect,” “spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord,” “spirit of prophecy,” and many others. Sometimes these titles refer to gifts of the Spirit, but often they describe spirits on assignment.
Evil and unclean spirits attempt to influence the body by manipulation, coercion and force, while righteous spirits seek to influence by “persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge.”
Because the devil is a spirit and the enemy of our soul, he will try to influence, enter, dominate and otherwise “act upon” our physical body. By satanic strategy, he is difficult to detect His modus operandi is to work in the shadows, beneath the radar. He reigns over a kingdom of two types of nefarious beings: 1) evil spirits, often referring to the “third part” of God’s children who were cast out for rebellion, those who will never possess a physical body, and 2) the myriad “unclean spirits,” often referring to those who lived and died in their sins.
Collectively, these loathsome spirits are skilled in and gravitate to their preferred forms of wickedness. Like their leader, the devil, they stalk their prey as if they were roaring lions, wandering the earth, seeking whom they may devour. Paul warned us concerning those whom they influence: “From such turn away.”
If we at-one with these satanic beings, whether they approach us directly or through another person, we allow them to act upon our body, and then we become like them: vicious, contentious, bitter, hateful, proud, arrogant, manipulative, and the list goes on. If we encounter someone who is under the influence of the spirit of contention, we can seldom pacify that individual, because the influencing spirit feeds on contention, which is its life-blood.
If we cower before the spirit of contention, try to appease it, confront it, shout it down or give it any place in us, we immediately at-one with it, which is exactly what it is seeking.
It cannot thrive without a partner or an audience. It needs someone’s body to manipulate and “act upon;” it seeks to twin. It wants us to respond to it. From such turn away!
If we attempt to engage it, confront it, fix it or give it our attention, we will experience guilt, frustration, the diminishing of our true self, and eventual destruction. We cannot win by engaging the spirit of contention. The saints in Kirtland learned that painful lesson: “Behold, I say unto you, there were jarrings, and contentions, and envyings, and strifes, and lustful and covetous desires among them; therefore by these things they polluted their inheritances.”
At-oning with the spirit of contention alwaysabsolutely always–turns out badly, and it always has: “My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened.”
Contentions and disputations were the common denominators of Nephite decline, apostasy and war. Contentions also brought down the Jaredite civilization, and later contention nearly destroyed the Nephites after the birth of Christ. When the Savior appeared to them after his resurrection, he commanded, “And there shall be no disputations among you, as there have hitherto been.” If the people would obey this command, he promised that they would eliminate envy, strife, tumult, sexual sins, lying, murder, lasciviousness, secret combinations and economic and social distinctions.
Nephi, looking out across the generations of his children, prophesied that contention would define their history and eventually cause their downfall: “For behold, I say unto you that I have beheld that many generations shall pass away, and there shall be great wars and contentions among my people.”
A cursing is pronounced upon those who contend, and prophets and great leaders have sought to teach unifying principles to avoid the possibility of contention. King Benjamin warned, “But, O my people, beware lest there shall arise contentions among you, and ye list to obey the evil spirit. For behold, there is a wo pronounced upon him who listeth to obey that spirit; for if he listeth to obey him, and remaineth and dieth in his sins, the same drinketh damnation to his own soul; for he receiveth for his wages an everlasting punishment, having transgressed the law of God contrary to his own knowledge.”
Given the destructive nature of the spirit of contention, is there a way of escape?
Yes. The scriptures teach that charity and prayer are powerful deterrents to the spirit of contention. For example, the people of Limhi had tried and failed multiple times to deliver themselves from their contentious enemies. Only when they began to take care of the widows and orphans were they delivered from the contentions that had bound them. Charity freed them.
Similarly, the prophet Job was delivered from his accusing, contentious friends when he opted to react charitably. We recall that in the darkest hour of his life his friends contended that Job’s afflictions most certainly derived from sin. Although Job tried to defend himself, he could not prevail over the spirit of contention that worked through his friends, who should have been his most trusted and comforting allies. How did he dismiss that miserable spirit? He offered sacrifice and prayed for his friends. And charity liberated him! “And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends.”
No wonder then that Jesus taught charity as the dual principle of deliverance and ultimate perfection: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heavenBe ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”
Jesus could not abide contentious doctrine: “an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.” Rather, he said, “Resist not evil,” that is to say, “do not at-one with evil spirits and they who are influenced by them.” It would be better to turn the other cheek, give the abuser your cloak when he sues you for your coat, or if a contentious person compels you to walk one mile, agree to walk twice the distance. Do whatever is necessary not to at-one with the spirit of contention. For safety’s sake, do the opposite of what that spirit is tempting you to do! Choose charity!
But charity is hard to come by, and when it comes, it comes as a gift of the Spirit. Therefore, Moroni exhorted, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love.”
Concerning our praying for our enemies and praying for the gift of charity, the prophet Zenos taught: “Thou art merciful, O God, for thou hast heard my prayer . . . when I prayed concerning those who were mine enemies, and thou didst turn them to me.” And conversely, “Yea, and thou hast also heard me when I have been cast out and have been despised by mine enemies; yea, thou didst hear my cries, and wast angry with mine enemies, and thou didst visit them in thine anger with speedy destruction.”
We see in Zenos’s words a promise that the power of prayer and the power of charity are sufficient to either turn the hearts of our enemies (who can be of your own household) back to us or to move them out of our way. In either case, we will be delivered. The criterion for such a prayer is a pure heart. “And if ye are purified and cleansed from all sin, ye shall ask whatsoever you will in the name of Jesus and it shall be done.”
Limhi’s people departed from the spirit of contention, embraced charity and succeeded in pacifying the Lamanite king, who in turn rejected the spirit of contention and avoided more bloodshed.
<p style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.
0001pt 36pt; text-indent: 36pt; line-height: normal; text-align: left;”>And it came to pass that the king was pacified towards [Limhi’s] people; and he said unto them: Let us go forth to meet my people, without arms; and I swear unto you with an oath that my people shall not slay thy people.
And it came to pass that they followed the king, and went forth without arms to meet the Lamanites.And it came to pass that they did meet the Lamanites; and the king of the Lamanites did bow himself down before them, and did plead in behalf of the people of Limhi.
And when the Lamanites saw the people of Limhi, that they were without arms, they had compassion on them and were pacified towards them, and returned with their king in peace to their own land.
At the death of Lehi, Nephi finally bowed to the spirit of contention in his brothers and became angry. He was so disappointed in himself that he cried, “O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins.”
Nephi knew the tendency of the flesh to be acted upon by evil forces: “And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?…. Why am I angry because of mine enemy?”
He understood that at-oneing with the spirit of contention is destructive, so he cried to God for deliverance: “Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.”
He drew strength from God whom he had always trusted (Notice how he prays for strength to break free and stay free from contentious people and spirits):
Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?
May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!
O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way–but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.
O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.”
After the destructions at the crucifixion of Christ, when the Savior later appeared to the Nephites, he commanded, “And there shall be no disputations among you, as there have hitherto been; neither shall there be disputations among you concerning the points of my doctrine, as there have hitherto been.”
These surviving Nephites must have faced and rid themselves of the spirit of contention because Mormon recounts four times, “there was no contention in the land!” He couldn’t stop rejoicing! Imagine what life would be like if we would likewise cease at-oneing with the spirit of contention:
“the people were all converted unto the Lord, upon all the face of the landand there were no contentions and disputations among them, and every man did deal justly one with another.
And they had all things common among them; therefore there were not rich and poor, bond and free, but they were all made free, and partakers of the heavenly gift.
and there still continued to be peace in the land.
And there were great and marvelous works wrought by the disciples of Jesus, insomuch that they did heal the sick, and raise the dead, and cause the lame to walk, and the blind to receive their sight, and the deaf to hear; and all manner of miracles did they work among the children of men; and in nothing did they work miracles save it were in the name of Jesus.
And the Lord did prosper them exceedingly in the land.
And now, behold, it came to pass that the people of Nephi did wax strong, and did multiply exceedingly fast, and became an exceedingly fair and delightsome people.
And they were married, and given in marriage, and were blessed according to the multitude of the promises which the Lord had made unto them.
Andthey did walk after the commandments which they had received from their Lord and their God, continuing in fasting and prayer, and in meeting together oft both to pray and to hear the word of the Lord.
And it came to pass that there was no contention among all the people, in all the land; but there were mighty miracles wrought among the disciples of Jesus.
And it came to pass that there was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people.
And there were no envyings, nor strifes, nor tumults, nor whoredoms, nor lyings, nor murders, nor any manner of lasciviousness; and surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God.
There were no robbers, nor murderers, neither were there Lamanites, nor any manner of -ites; but they were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God.
And how blessed were they! For the Lord did bless them in all their doings; yea, even they were blessed and prosperedand there was no contention in all the land.”
We might expect that if we would diligently strive to come unto Christ with full purpose of heart and rid our lives of the spirit of contention, we too might qualify in a short period of time for the Lord to come to us, establish us as individual Zion people and enjoy these same blessings.
How might we take the first step? Consider doing the unexpected: shine the other person’s shoes.
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 Mosiah 20:6-7.
 Mosiah 20:10.
 3 Nephi 11:29.
 D&C 88:40.
 D&C 88:40.
 JS-H 1:23.
 Luke 4:33.
 Luke 13:11.
 Romans 8:15.
 2 Timothy 1:7.
 1 John 4:6.
 Numbers 5:14.
 Hosea 5:4.
 1 John 4:3.
 Acts 16:16.
 D&C 10:63.
 Mosiah 16:3.
 2 Nephi 2:14.
 D&C 76:69; 129:3.
 2 Nephi 21:2.
 2 Nephi 25:4.
 Examples of ministering spirits (sometimes gifts of the Spirit): spirit of power (2 Nephi 3:5), spirit of judgment (2 Nephi 14:4), spirit of burning (2 Nephi 14:4), spirit of revelation (Alma 5:46), spirit of freedom (Alma 60:25), spirit of truth (D&C 6:5), spirit of meekness (D&C 25:5), spirit of prayer (D&C 84:61), spirit of holiness (Romans 1:4), spirit of life (Romans 8:2), spirit of adoption (Romans 8:15), spirit of faith (2 Corinthians 4:15), and spirit of grace (Hebrews 10:29).
 D&C 121:41-42.
 D&C 29:36.
 1 Peter 5:8.
 2 Timothy 3:5.
 D&C 101:6, emphasis added.
 D&C 64:8-9.
 See 1 Nephi 9:4; 12:3; 19:4; 2 Nephi 26:2, 32; 28:4; Omni 1:17; Words of Mormon 1:12; Mosiah 9:13; Alma 2:5; 4:9;50:25; 51:9; Helaman 16:22; 3 Nephi 2:11.
 Ether 11:7.
 3 Nephi 2:11.
 3 Nephi 11:28.
 4 Nephi 1:24-25.
 2 Nephi 26:2.
 Ether 4:8.
 Mosiah 29:7.
 Mosiah 2:32-33.
 Mosiah 21:17.
 Job 42:10.
 Matthew 5:44, 48.
 Matthew 5:38.
 Matthew 5:39.
 Mormoni 7:48.
 Alma 33:4, 10.
 Matthew 10:36.
 D&C 50:29.
 Mosiah 20:24-26.
 2 Nephi 4:17-35.
 3 Nephi 11:28.
 4 Nephi 1:2, 13,15, 18.
 4 Nephi 1:2-18.
KathleenJanuary 7, 2015
I am currently going through a period of contention with someone important in my life and this has been a very important article for me. Thank you for writing it. Unfortunately, the person who is so contentious suffers from bipolar disorder. She never asks questions first and always jumps to the wrong conclusion about every action I take. I have prayed for her and since she is LDS, even emailed her bishop seeking his help with a priesthood blessing for her. Having seen repeatedly the contentions caused by the mentally ill people I know well, I have come to believe that we will never be successful in establishing Zion until we have the power to cure these people of their illnesses. I do not know if the Priesthood lacks the power to heal or what exactly is the answer to this problem. President Packer said we have been more successful in extending Priesthood authority than we have in extending its power. There are times when I feel that we meet the criteria for which the Lord condemned the Christians of Joseph Smith's time -- we have a form of Godliness but lack the power thereof. I have tried reasonable discussions, which did not help. However, failure to confront the false beliefs of the mentally ill simply convinces them they are correct in their assumptions. Trying to serve them does not help. And somehow I do not believe God always wants to remove them from our paths when they are our spouses or children or parents or siblings. The verbal and sometimes physical abuse they have inflicted upon me and others I am close to have become unbearable at times, leaving me literally frozen from depression and despair. I have watched numerous temple marriages fail from this problem, children leave the Church as all the promises taught them in Primary prove false in their families, families financially destroyed, and people so traumatized they spend decades trying to make sense of why their parents behaved in such a way and too frightened to form their own families for fear they would be subjected to the same abuse they finally escaped. The main answer I have seen the Priesthood give is excommunication when the mentally ill person breaks the law of chastity, something unfortunately common to certain mental illnesses. Perhaps you would care to address this source of contention.
PedroJuly 8, 2014
I enjoyed the article very much. It gave me a new perspective on how contention works and how to avoid it. I do take issue with one part of the article, where it says that the devil "reigns over a kingdom of two types of nefarious beings: 1) evil spirits, often referring to the 'third part' of God