Family

My Meridian Magazine articles are published on the third Thursday of each month, which is generally a few days after both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Thus my dilemma is deciding whether to write about Mother’s Day, which has already passed, or Father’s Day, which is nearly a month away. In general, being early seems to trump being late so my tribute today will be to my father, Jacob Kapp, a stoic and strong Dutchman, who lived honorably, worked hard, was true to the faith his parents first embraced in their native country of Holland, and had an impeccable reputation for honesty, fairness, love of country and devotion to his family throughout his life.

My parents believed in a pretty strict division of labor so my sister Ann and I helped with the household and yard chores while my brothers Jack and Gary spent their days helping Dad with his work as a crop farmer, dairyman, and cattle buyer/seller. The men worked long hours together and my brothers were privy to a side of Dad that we sisters did not experience first hand. To our great blessing, Jack took the time to record some of these experiences. Sharing them in this article (in his words) would be the greatest tribute I could pay my dad.

Cornering a Weaner Pig (by Jack)

One day Dad and I were trying to herd an escaped weaner pig back into his pen but we just could not corner him. Finally, in desperation, I ran directly after the pig and dove into the thistles and manure and caught him by the hind leg with one hand. As I lay there holding on to the squirming pig, Dad ran up hollering “hang on John” (that’s what he called me)! When he caught up, he looked down at me and spontaneously told me that I was worth a million dollars! I have rarely felt as good or rewarded in my whole life as I did at that moment. Dad wasn’t given to expressing love vocally, but that one moment kept coming back to me throughout my life. No matter how things went in my life I remembered that my dad loved me and I am worth a million dollars. I, of course, subsequently came to know I was of infinite worth to my earthly father just as I am to my Heavenly Father.

(We never know when a word of love or encouragement will affect the course of someone’s life. Shakespeare said it well: “They do not love who do not show love.”)

The Blessings We Live For (by Jack)

There was a time when our truck got hopelessly stuck right next to the haystack. All of our efforts to drive it out were in vain and finally we decided to load the truck with hay and then go and borrow my uncle’s tractor to pull it out. We had no sooner climbed up on the haystack to start throwing down hay than we noticed that weeds which were wrapped around the truck’s drive shaft had caught fire as we were trying to rock the truck to get it unstuck. Both the truck and our last haystack of the year were in jeopardy. Dad yelled at me to jump down and drive the truck away from the haystack. I answered him that I couldn’t because the truck was stuck. He very firmly told me to GET DOWN THERE AND DRIVE IT OUT!

I had learned not to argue with that tone of voice and I obediently jumped off the stack onto the bed of the truck, slipped into the cab, started the motor and drove it right out and over to a snow bank where Dad and I were able to extinguish the flames. I stood there trembling and wondered out loud, in amazement, how the truck could move at that time when it absolutely could not move moments before. My good father put his hand on my shoulder and explained that it was one of those blessings we live for each day of our lives.

*“If ye do what I say, I the Lord am bound. If ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.” I knew in that moment that my father truly believed this and had lived his life in such a way that he could invoke the Lord’s promise in the instant of his need.

Stream audio for mp3 “My Father’s Faith”

My Father’s Faith
Words & Music by Janice Kapp Perry
Soloist, Daniel Beck

A father’s faith can bless his little children
And help them rise above life’s daily storms
A father works each day to keep his dear ones
Ever protected, safe and warm

My father’s praise can send my spirit soaring
And help me see the good I may achieve
My father’s trust can fill my soul with courage
And help my doubting heart believe
     My father’s tears can somehow say “I love you”
     When words fall silent in his tender heart
     Thru daily acts of service and of caring
     His deepest feelings he imparts

My father’s prayers can call down heaven’s blessings
And keep his children walking in the light
His constant strength is steady as a lighthouse
That brings me safely through the night
My father’s arms can offer consolation
When I, in sorrow, turn my heart toward home
His loving voice resounds within my being
To help me know I’m not alone
     My father’s eyes can see past faults and failings
     And still imagine all I may become

     And when I fall, he’s there to walk beside me
     To tell me I can overcome

My father’s love will shine thru generations
A gentle force that guides me thru the years
My father’s faith will be my inspiration
And make my path to heaven clear

Dad and the Cow (by Jack)

The myth is that real men get angry and fight back when they have been wronged. To show how the fallacy of this myth was exposed, let me tell you a story about my “great” father-not known to the world, but great by my standards and the standards of the God that he loved and served.

Dad was six feet tall and about 240 lbs, strong as an ox (as farmers tend to be) and was quite athletic. I essentially worshipped the man except for one small thing-one small flaw that I perceived in his manhood. I sometimes wondered that with all his greatness, if he was just a little bit of a wimp. I had never seen him angry, he never seemed to speak up when he was wronged, or when a call on the athletic field went against him. He never seemed upset when he was taken advantage of. I really loved and respected the man, but it just seemed to me that sometimes he let people step on him.  I secretly longed for the day when I would see him get mad and assert himself.

In addition to being a farmer, he was a cattle buyer and seller, and a very successful one. One day he sold a milk cow to a man in trade for another cow of lesser value and a sum of cash. After the deal was made the man asked Dad if he could keep the cow he had traded for one month, at which time Dad could pick her up. I thought oh boy, they’ve done it to you again, Dad. But Dad said “fine” and we got in the truck and left. He and I returned one month later to pick up the cow but the man had sold it and said that he was going to keep the money because he had been thinking and felt that the trade was not as good as he thought it was going to be. I thought here we go-now you’ve done it! Not even my Dad is going to stand for this nonsense!

But do you know what my dad did? He said, “Well, Gordon, I don’t think that is quite fair, and I’m pretty sure that you don’t either. But my concern is that this is going to affect our friendship. You won’t want to look at me, and I value you as a friend and a customer. If I just forget the whole thing will you promise me that you will forget it also and still be my friend?” “Well yaaa,” Gordon said. On the way home I could have just cried. I know that Dad sensed my disappointment but nothing was said. But that is not the end of the story.

A few months later while we were at the Sunday dinner table there came a knock at our door. It was Gordon, and he asked for Dad to come to the door. He said, “Jake, I’ve been thinking-I did not do right by you and I want to apologize and give you the money for the cow.” The two men shook hands and Gordon left.

Dad came back to the table and sat down and nothing was said, but he looked down at me and when he was sure he had my eye, he winked. I had just observed a great example of manhood and I knew it. Through restraint and control, my dad had won it all! He had retained a friend, still had a customer, left a man with his dignity and self respect in tact, had the money that rightfully was his, and what was most important of all, he had the admiration of a son who had just learned a great lesson. Anyone can get mad and lose their temper, but my dad had the strength and wisdom and self control to act as the Savior would have acted.

My Own Reflections    

The stories my brother Jack has recorded about Dad will be priceless to future generations who will only know him by the stories our generation passes along to them. Because he passed away at 57, even my own children have few personal memories of him. In his twenties, Dad had cancer of the lymph system in his neck, which doctors could not cure. He spent a day in the temple, in a private room, pleading with the Lord to give him enough time to raise his family. Other children were born to our family after that, and some thirty years or so later when all of his children were raised, married and on their own, the cancer returned in the same place and took his life. But for his great faith, we may never have known our dad.

I think of my father as steady, dependable, willing to help anyone, willing to accept any church callings, calm and protective of our mother. I loved to comb his hair into different styles when I was a young girl and he had endless patience while I did it. He cried at my high school graduation as I was giving my address as Salutatorian, and his inspiration saved me from marrying the wrong person.

Dad worked so hard in the fields, in the barnyard, and with his cattle truck-all of my weekday memories are of him in overalls, a blue work shirt and a baseball cap. But he had talents in singing and performing too and was always willing to dress up and perform in one of Mother’s many musical shows. One of my favorites was watching him and Jack perform together on one of her talent shows singing and dancing as Bing and Gary Crosby (see photo). He and Mom played piano and drums in the Kapp Dance Band at all of my church and school dances. Truly I was born of “goodly parents”-one of the greatest blessings of my life.

Janice Kapp Perry: Composer, author, lecturer