At Home

Editor’s note: Daryl Hoole is answering questions from readers by contacting her at [email protected]. This is the last question/answer column to appear in Meridian . In the future, her response will be sent directly to the reader. Some responses may also be incorporated into her At Home column that appears the second Monday of each month on Meridian . This information will also be available on her personal website at www.theartofhomemaking.com.

Question

I want to raise up children who are responsible, productive adults and contributing members of the community. Is my goal to have my children become self-sufficient or self-reliant? I am confused by what others sometimes say. Are the terms self-sufficient and self-reliant interchangeable, or is there a distinction between the two?

Response

This is a very good question. The two terms are not synonymous and are usually not interchangeable. I’m happy for this opportunity to explain the difference because apparently some people are confused as to their definitions and proper use.

Self-sufficiency is a temporary state, one where someone has no need or use for others.

A self-sufficient person is able to supply his own needs and asks for no help. In other words, being self-sufficient is what one needs to be if one becomes lost while on a camping expedition. The pioneers crossing the plains learned, as a group, to be self-sufficient for survival. A self-sufficient person would be an “island” unto himself, requiring no help from anyone and not contributing to the needs of others. It would be a harsh, dysfunctional world if everyone were to be self-sufficient.

Therefore, referring to someone as “self-sufficient” generally sends an incorrect message. Becoming “self-reliant” is the preferred goal in rearing children as well as for us personally.

Self-reliance is a permanent state, an ideal way of life. It is a principle of the gospel. It is defined in the dictionary as “being able to rely on oneself and one’s own abilities; one is responsible for his own well-being.”

Someone who is self-reliant is accountable for his own care and support. It is a desirable way of life with the goal being, “I will help myself to become responsible, able and strong so I can take care of myself and then I will help others to do the same.”

Self-reliance brings about healthy, interactive relationships (economically, emotionally, intellectually, and socially) and fosters a spirit of helpfulness, cooperation, and growth. Self-reliant people are neither dependent nor independent, but rather they are interdependent. It produces strong people who are assets to other individuals as well as to society as a whole.

We desire not only economic, emotional, intellectual, and social self-reliance for our children, but also spiritual self-reliance as well. It is a pre-requisite of service. It is a key to spiritual growth and progress.

The scriptures are replete with stories of people who have been temporally and spiritually self-reliant. One example that stands out is from the life of Captain Moroni, the great prophet/military commander, who led his people in saving themselves from the enemy.

As a mighty man of God, he first prepared the minds of the people to be faithful unto the Lord. Then he strengthened his armies and instructed them to throw up banks of earth to enclose themselves, build walls of stone around their cities, and secure their borders. In this manner he fortified his people, both spiritually and physically, enabling them to withstand the enemy.

The gospel of Jesus Christ, with its emphasis on developing good character traits, gaining a strong worth ethic, obtaining an adequate education, cultivating our talents, and living righteous lives, is designed to help people become self-reliant, temporally and spiritually. Being self-reliant is a required attribute for exaltation. Certainly our goal for our children is to help them become increasingly self-reliant. Such a goal is a worthy pursuit for 2008.