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Six months ago I hung up my hat, capped my pen, and resigned from my position here at Meridian writing about the world of Mormon singles. But six months of life back in a singles ward, back in a more active dating world, and well, I’ve got some things to say.


The first thing I want to say is about all those conversations where the same things are said over and over again. It’s getting tiresome. I’d forgotten just how tedious it can be. In the Washington, DC area, it is snidely referred to as a “very DC conversation” to have. But the truth is, that a similar conversation is heard everywhere you go. “So what’s your name? Where are you from? What do you do?” (Or depending on age, the third question may be “Where did/do you go to school?”)


They are easy questions. Simple, no-brainer questions. Nothing that requires much effort. And therein lies the problem. They also don’t lead to a more meaningful or memorable conversation. I can’t begin to tell you how many times in the past six months I’ve had this same inane conversation over and over again. And how very rarely I remember the person’s name, or how even more infrequently the three questions led to a more worthwhile conversation.


Throw out the three questions, learn the following ten ways to improve your conversations, and learn the three magic words nearly guaranteed to get you a date, and we’ll all enjoy much happier singles lives!


10 Ways to Have a More Meaningful Conversation (and Get a Date)


1.  Learn to Listen- don’t be so sure that the person’s answer will be so dull (hometowns often are), that you forget to listen and hear it. If you are expecting a dull answer, the problem may be that you asked a boring question. Stop and listen to what the other person says, before you tune them out, or move on.

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway


2.  Ask good questions that show you care. One of the best ways to be a good conversationalist is by expressing sincere curiosity for the other person. Always ask at least one question before moving on to the next topic. Gathering details makes it more likely that you will make a real connection and remember the person. And isn’t that what everyone really wants in the end- to be remembered?

Some questions you can try:

  • What sort of vacations do you like to take? What was the last vacation you took? Where do you like to travel? Do you travel much?
  • How was your day? It seems so simple, but few questions show more sincerity and compassion.
  • What do you do in your free time?
  • Is there anything you are passionate about or involved in?
  • Have you seen any good movies or TV shows lately?
  • Have you been to any good restaurants recently? What sort of restaurants/food do you like? If the person is new in town, make some suggestions. Take it one step further, and invite the person out for dinner to their favorite type or food or to a shared favorite restaurant.
  • Do you like spontaneity or do you like routine?
  • Tell me about your friends? Family?
  • What is the best advice you have ever received?

3.  Don’t get too excited about your next thought. Again, the way to have a great conversation is to be a great listener. People can tell when you aren’t really listening. When you are too eager to share your next thought that you don’t listen to the other person, it’s obvious. Make it a point to listen before you speak. If your point is interesting, it will still be interesting in five minutes.

4.  Let people sell themselves. Ask them questions that make it happen. (Asking where a hometown is or what town they currently live in is not “selling it.”) Always get the other person to talk about him- or herself                                                                                                         

5.  Don’t waste people’s time. Most people appreciate it when you value their time. Sometimes, you can have a more meaningful conversation in 15 minutes than you can in an hour. Keep it short and simple.

6.  Ask how you can help the other person, or make a difference in his or her day. Has the person just moved into a new home? Does s/he need help unpacking boxes? Or referrals to a new doctor? Or a night out on the town? Listen to what the person says about his or her day, and make a genuine offer they can’t refuse.                                                                                              

7.  Acknowledge what you’ve heard. When the other person has finished speaking, re-describe, and characterize what the other person just said. It not only confirms that you were listening, but also prevents you from continuing the conversation based upon a misunderstanding, and gives the other person a chance to correct it.

8.  Include everyone. If you’re having a conversation with multiple people make a point to include everyone in the conversation, even the shy and quiet ones. Too often, people are so focused on speaking to one person that they inadvertently exile

9.  Make it personal. There is this crazy idea that you have to be aloof, polite, or professional when engaging in a first conversation.

If you ask me, most people like real conversations that don’t force them to act like people that they aren’t.If you see an opportunity to joke around or personalize a conversation, take it. Sincerity and reality are far more charming than fake, polite fronts. It will decrease barriers from the start, and the shift will enable you to have a better                                  

10.  Know WHY you’re having the conversation. Every conversation must have a point, or there’s no point to it, is there? With friends and family, the “point” is often to simply enjoy each other’s company. If you want your new acquaintance to become a friend, follow the same idea. Enjoy them! In business there is an agenda to every conversation. We even have meetings to set the agendas for some conversations.  Don’t take this advice too far and create a strict and rigid agenda. But having a purpose or intent to the conversation, can mean you have a direction and a goal. And those are often good things. Similarly, if somebody opens a conversation with you, it’s worthwhile to wonder why the conversation is happening and why now. It’s not worth obsessing about, but if you’ve got a sense of the “why” it’s easier to get “where” the conversation needs to go.

And now for the most important piece of conversational advice you can ever get when you want to get a date. Learn these 3 words- “how about we.” Once you have the conversation going, and you’ve learned a few interesting facts, all you have to do is follow it up with these three important words, and use them before the conversation is up. “You like Thai food? How about we…” “You’re a Cougars fan? How about we…” These three magic words used in combination with a good conversation almost guarantee you a date.

I just want to help singles meet, have good conversations, and for heaven’s sake, date, and marry! And it all starts with a good conversation. If you can’t talk and get to know each other, how will the rest ever happen? Work on getting past those three boring, dreaded questions, and get on to the good stuff!


Erin Ann McBride is a writer, dreamer, and single woman. By day she works in marketing, and by night she hunts unicorns and writes romantic novels, “You Heard It Here First,” and the sequel “This Just In!”

She accepts new friends daily at https://www.facebook.com/AuthorErinAnnMcBride

And if you really want to keep on her social life, you can always find her at the Story of a Nice Mormon Girl.