“Bloom where you are planted” – this phrase is popular in the Latter-day Saint culture. I have found many different talks where it has been shared, but not one of them was geared to the singles. That is about to change.
Singles have a very difficult time with putting down roots, or blooming where they are planted. They are transient, seekers, always looking to move on with the next step in their lives. Rarely do singles get planted, let alone take the time to bloom.
I am one of the transient singles. I have lived in four different states in the last ten years, and I do not apologize for it. Each move was in search of something bigger, something better, something more. It wasn’t that the grass was greener in some other state. It was that I believed the grass wasn’t green at all in my own state [of life]. Professional opportunities, and even potential romantic ones, drew me across state lines, eager to find a place I could plant myself.
As I look around at each of the singles I know I see two very distinct groups of singles. There is one group that says, “This is it. I have a house, a job, and this is where I will live and what I will do for the rest of my life. If I meet someone I’d like to marry, that person must fit in with this spot.” And then there is the other group, the unsettled one. They are the ones that are always looking, always hoping there is something more. They don’t buy homes, they do change jobs, and they rarely, if ever, put down roots in their community.
(Forgive me, I do not mean to use gardening or plant analogies. It just happens to be one metaphor stemmed from the other. Oh dear, I said stemmed. It wasn’t intentional. Honest.)
Back to my point. Neither of these groups is truly taking the time to bloom. The first group thinks they are planted, but may or may not have any intention of blooming. It’s all up to personality at that point. (But in my experience, they are only involved with themselves, and the small community of people they allow in.) The other group can’t stay put long enough to get planted at all, let alone bloom.
This past week, for no obvious reason, four different people contacted me about getting information on the singles program in my stake. We don’t have a singles program in my stake. (We do have a YSA/student ward in my town, but it is in a different stake.) I didn’t know any of the people that contacted me, or how or why they chose me to contact. I have long accepted that there are few to no singles in my town and stake, and attempt to make my social life happen in other towns several hours away. (I say attempt because quite frankly, it hasn’t successfully worked out for me.) I have lamented the lack of singles and a singles program in my town for a while now. But since I’ve had little intention of staying here for long, I just haven’t cared.
Bloom where you are planted.
It only hit me this weekend that I have failed to plant myself, let alone give anything a chance to bloom. And if four other people can find me in hopes of finding a singles program, it’s time for me to plant and bloom.
Singles, we all know this one thing to be true about the singles program in this church- if we want something to happen, we have to go out and make it happen. And this oftentimes will mean you have to plant yourself, and bloom.
If I ever want there to be a singles activity in this town, I’m just going to have to make it happen myself. I’ve been here for three years, and it hasn’t happened on its own yet. It’s time to pick up the phone or send the email, and kindly suggest to powers that be, that it’s time to have a singles activity, and I’ll spearhead it if necessary.
I’ve done this before in other wards and stakes, and I may very well have to do it again. I’ve learned you can’t sit around and wait for inspiration to strike the high council, no matter how many times you have prayed for a date on Saturday night. Sometimes you have to make the call and be that inspiration. (Even though, I admit, I have often wished someone else would feel compelled to be the inspiration.)
Singles, we do a lousy job of planting ourselves, let alone giving anything time to bloom. We are always looking for something more. Believe me, I get it. “There’s nobody here to date…” “This town just doesn’t have any singles…” “I will buy a house when I get married…” We’ve all made those mistakes. We’ve all short-changed ourselves because of our reticence to put down roots, get planted, and take the time to bloom.
Get over it.
Plant yourself and take the time to bloom.
Erin Ann McBride is a single writer in Roanoke, Virginia. She is the author of “You Heard It Here First” (just $1 on Kindle) and the sequel, “This Just In!” She is the associate editor of Meridian Magazine, and regularly blogs about the stock market for The Motley Fool. She enjoys politics, pop culture, all things 80s, and watching canceled science fiction TV series.
McBride recently launched a new website to help self-published and commercially published LDS authors reach their audiences directly. Check out www.mormonbooksandauthors.com to find the latest books from your favorite writers!
FredApril 29, 2013
OC Surfer said, "where do singles meet other singles for friendship, fellowship, and find people to marry?" Well, as Rea said, at the ward play. Or at the ward social. Or at sacrament meeting or Sunday School. Or at the service project. Or any other number of places where folks, both married and single, congregate. And yes, if your stake has a single adult activity once a month, you could wait until then.
OC SurferApril 28, 2013
Rea Reader, if there are not specific activities for singles, where do singles meet other singles for friendship, fellowship, and find people to marry?