So the big news from General Conference was the lowering of mission age requirements, an announcement that had Facebook and Twitter so supercharged that a number of smartphones burst into flame mid-tweet. Not that I was on Facebook during Conference-heavens to Betsy, don’t be ridiculous.
But I do have the names of several people who were, in case anyone is interested.
No, I learned my lesson one year when I was watching Conference and my friend Ed Thompson was conducting the Tabernacle Choir. He looked so happy up there-eyebrows raised in the universal choir director signal for “80 of you are going flat”-that I simply had to text him and say that his joy was palpable and that yes, the tenors just weren’t as invested in those high G’s as they ought to be.
So I did. I texted the Associate Director of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir while he was conducting a musical number in General Conference. What? It’s not like he needed both hands to hold the baton.
And then, ten minutes later, Elder Oaks stood and called down fire and brimstone upon the heads of anyone wicked enough to text in church.
Anyway, back to the mission age announcement, which was evidently the biggest news in recent Church history-bigger, even, than the August 29 clarification that caffeinated soda had been taken off the Righteousness Watch List, something that came as a relief to those of us who’ve been pouring Diet Coke over our cereal for years.
We currently own a 19 year old daughter, who, upon hearing the announcement, posted the following status update to her Facebook page:
“AAAAUUUGGHH!”
Her peers knew exactly where she was coming from, evidenced by the fact that in just fifteen seconds she’d received 763,482 likes’ and 391 comments, all variations on the theme of, “I know, rieet?” Several of her friends had submitted their mission papers by the congregational hymn.
Meanwhile, my 17 year old son-like so many boys his age-misunderstood the announcement completely and took it to mean he had to break up with his girlfriend. I didn’t see any advantage in setting him straight. “I know you’re disappointed, sweetie. But the prophet said … well, you heard him yourself. Besides, she’s leaving on a mission in three hours.”
As exciting as the announcement itself was, for sheer entertainment value it couldn’t hold a candle to the press conference that followed. Elders Russell M. Nelson and Jeffery R. Holland gave beautiful, informative statements on the nature of this new opportunity, after which the floor was opened for questions from professional reporters.
Thank goodness this was left to the experts. If amateurs like me had been handed the opportunity to speak to two apostles on a major change in Church policy and its global missionary efforts, we might never have thought to ask Elder Holland if, in all that fasting and prayer and discussion among the Lord’s anointed, anyone had considered how adjusting the mission age would impact Utah’s sports teams. Elder Nelson was visibly shaken by this hard-ball out of left field, particularly when Elder Holland replied that the reporter was a muffin-head.
Also, it never would have occurred to me to wonder how young women could possibly be prepared to serve missions at 19 when they’d only had a few short months to attend Relief Society beforehand-the concern being that until that point older sisters had been stored in plastic containers in the Relief Society closet, unavailable as role models to future missionaries. The question was totally legitimate. I know a guy who spent part of his mission serving as the Branch Relief Society president, and he’ll tell you straight up that he really could have used more training in the making of complicated lesson handouts. To this day, his scripture tote glows blue in the presence of pinking shears.
One of the more interesting moments of the press conference was Elder Holland’s cheerful revelation that no one was given advance notice of the change. “We didn’t even tell the mission presidents!” he said. “Ha ha!” This explains why every mission president in the Church has been locked in his room since Saturday, no doubt giving himself to much prayer and contemplation, and not-as some have suggested-eating Ben and Jerry’s “Chunky Monkey” straight out of the carton.
All told, the news that boys can now serve at 18 and girls at 19 seems to have been received with hopeful, grateful enthusiasm. Undoubtedly this fresh young addition to the ranks of missionaries will be a blessing to the Church and to the world.
And while the transition is underway, might I suggest we send up an extra prayer for those mission presidents who will soon be scrambling for inexpensive housing, realigning districts and zones, and shepherding scores of new missionaries?
Their cholesterol’s gotta be through the roof by now.