I Glory in My Jesus(2 Nephi 33:6) -Part 1
Step Two: Came to believe that God has all power and wisdom and that in His strength we can do all things. (Mosiah 4:9; Alma 26:12)
Principle Two: All power of redemption and atonement is vested in the Lord Jesus Christ and can only be effective in my life as I am willing to have a personal relationship with Him.
“Came to believe that a Power greater than myself…” These words in the original Step Two of Alcoholics Anonymous really tripped me up when I first heard the Twelve Steps. Of course I believed in a “Power greater than myself”-with a capital “P”! While it was true there had been seasons when I had deliberately turned away from God and just used my addictive behavior with complete despair, there were many times when I sobered up enough to sincerely long for deliverance from my slavery. Surely I had tried the equivalent of this step. Surely Step Two was one I could shortcut. But then I had to honestly ask myself, “If I really believe in God, why haven’t I been able to find salvation and the power to stop my self-defeating, self-destructive behaviors (addictions) in that belief? “
Once again, it was a desperately humble personal study of the precepts of the Book of Mormon (compelled by my life-or-death need for sobriety), followed immediately with a willingness to liken them to myself, that gave me the answer to my question. It began when I finally heard with my heart just one little word-Nephi’s use of the word “my”-in describing the Holy Messiah, the Savior of the world.
A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell. (2 Nephi 33:6; emphasis added)
I felt as if I had never read these words before, though I’m sure I had. There had been seminary, Institute, Sunday School, family scripture study, Relief Society contests-all excuses to read the Book of Mormon cover to cover. But, then, none of those occasions had been a matter of life or death to my soul. This time I prayed constantly as I read, holding my heart and mind open, thirsting for relief from my addiction.
This time, as I read these words my breath caught in my throat. I felt as if someone had thrown cold water in my face or slapped me to bring me to my senses. I looked down at the words in front of me, reading them over again and again. Could they possibly have said what I felt them saying?
Shades of tent revivals and crowds shouting as “with one voice” (Mosiah 5:2) went through my conservative Mormon mind. I read the words again. After all, maybe I had just read too much into them. “I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in MY Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell.” No. Even reading it in as subdued a voice as I could, there was no way to avoid the possessive, intimate knowing of the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, conveyed in the use of that single word “my.”
“I glory in my Jesus…” My Jesus… My…Mine! I could not get past the personal intimacy of Nephi’s statement. Tears welled up, spilling down my face. I burned through and through as with a fire, a passionate and yet childlike love for God. I felt as if someone had just given me permission to approach the Lord, to actually embrace Him, at least in spirit. I felt such a burning, such a passionate and yet childlike adoration for the Lord. It felt as if I had suddenly awakened to Nephi’s example of approaching the Lord and coming to know Him as my dearest friend, as my Jesus.
I wept in gratitude to the humble, tender Nephi who had preserved this saving truth of Christ’s availability. His personal administration in our lives can be ours, as soon as we are ready to believe and receive it from Him. I mounted up in my imagination as on eagle’s wings (D&C 124:99), carried by the power of the love I felt for Him and from Him. I had never before comprehended how close the Savior is willing-and even desires-to be to us.
How can I possibly convey the spiritual awakening, the change, that began to dawn in my heart from that hour? As I continued to read the Book of Mormon, I found one witness after another that there did not have to be any distance between the Lord and me; that His love and power to redeem were enough to save even me. His arm was strong enough to encircle me and give me safety from my weaknesses. A few pages later I read Jacob’s words:
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I beseech of you in words of soberness that ye would repent, and come with full purpose of heart, and cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you. And while his arm of mercy is extended towards you in the light of day, harden not your hearts. (Jacob 6:5; emphasis added)
I knew it was true. I knew by my own experience that He lives and that He lives for me. Something had changed. I had lived this reality with the Savior. He was my friend, my Jesus.
A SONG OF REDEEMING LOVE
With an even greater hunger, I plunged into the Book of Mormon. This was not the hunger of a starving person looking for sustenance. This was the hunger of a person who had partaken of the fruit that is sweet above anything I had ever tasted. I had lived (not just read or heard about) the pure love of Christ for me-His charity for me. I wanted more. I could not be restrained from seeking more in the precious words of the Book of Mormon.
And there, like voices rising from the dust just as the prophets foresaw, was testimony after testimony of the new life and love I had entered into.
And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. (2 Nephi 25:26)
And never, until I did cry out unto the Lord Jesus Christ for mercy, did I receive a remission of my sins. But behold, I did cry unto him and I did find peace to my soul. (Alma 38:8; emphasis added)
And now, I would commend you to seek this same Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have written, that the grace of God the Father, and also the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, which beareth record of them, may be and abide in you forever. Amen. (Ether 12:41)
Yea, come unto Christ;…then is his grace sufficient for you. (Moroni 10:32)
Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel. (Alma 26:16; emphasis added)
By the time I read and truly heard the harmony in all these statements, I could not say the smallest part of how I felt either. As I kept reading, something began to stir in my inner soul-a feeling whose name I had nearly forgotten. It was hope. I was beginning to have hope for myself again, but not hope based on my own wavering and feeble efforts. Having hope in even my very best efforts had never supplied me with enough power to overcome my weaknesses. In fact, focusing on my efforts had always led to an experience similar to the people in Helaman:
And because of…their boastings in their own strength, they were left in their own strength; therefore they did not prosper. (Helaman 4:13)
No. This hope I now possessed was not about me or any other power. It was a hope borne of His friendship, His mercy and His grace! It was a perfect brightness of hope in Christ! (2 Nephi 31:20). My emotions were almost more than I could keep calm or quiet about. I felt consumed with love for Jesus, as intense and total as I finally knew He had always felt for me!
IT MUST BE AN INDIVIDUAL ATONEMENT
But as always in this mortal world, fears were waiting to tempt me. Maybe I was loving Him too much. After all, I noticed as my joy in Him increased, some “active” members of my ward seemed to be somewhat “put off” or bothered by the new me. I had a hard time sitting on my hands in church classes. It just seemed as if thoughts were always coming to me-excited thoughts, enlightened thoughts, joyful thoughts about Him and His gospel. I didn’t have as much inclination to talk of negative things; complaining and gossiping fell away and eventually, so did some long-standing and “exemplary” friends. I had to learn some quick lessons about what it meant to care more for the love of God than the love of my fellow mortals.
As I turned to Heavenly Father in prayer, I felt His counsel to me through His Son. I began to understand that Christ doesn’t atone for all of us at once, en masse. He atones for us one person at a time; He cleanses us one heart at a time, and He loves us one at a time as choice and unique individuals. I had to realize that while I had awakened unto God’s love and tender mercy, and my soul had been illuminated by the truth about Christ’s tenderness and nearness, others were still struggling with fear and doubt concerning Him. Even so, I still have a continuous struggle to not break into a rousing and unique version of Handel’s “Messiah” or song of redeeming love. It’s always there, humming in my heart:
For unto [me] a child is born, unto [me] a son is given; and the government [of my life] shall be upon his shoulder; and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. (2 Nephi 19:6; emphasis added)
ANOTHER TESTAMENT OF JESUS CHRIST
Today I pay close attention to the first five words immediately following the title of the Book of Mormon-“Another testament of Jesus Christ.” It is so important to remember that the Book of Mormon was written for our day-not just to convert the nonmember to the Church, but also to convert the Church to Christ. On the day we each become His individual convert (His “prisoner,” as Paul terms it in Ephesians 4:1), we will know His peace, and be no longer His servants, but His friends.
And it shall come to pass in that day that the Lord shall give thee rest, from thy sorrow, and from thy fear, and from the hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve. (2 Nephi 24:3)
If you are like I have been-so lost in the effects of sin-you may still fear and tremble. After all, you’ve worked for years on your weaknesses, your negative traits and behaviors, you’ve spent a lifetime in battle against them and have thought that you had only two choices-to go down for the count, or just endure to the dreaded end. How could reaching out to Christ, no matter how sincerely, be enough to affect such a complete change? It all sounds too easy and simple. Didn’t I still have to figure my way out of my problems? Again the Book of Mormon held my answers:
And the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.
(1 Nephi 17:41)
And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship? [solve my problems] (1 Nephi 17:51)
For I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them. (1 Nephi 3:7; emphasis added)
Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him. (1 Nephi 7:12; emphasis added)
The second half of this chapter will be posted next week.
He Did Deliver Me from Bondage can be found at most LDS bookstores or purchased online at www.rosehavenpublishing.com