Cover image via Gospel Media Library.

Like you, I pray. I have certain things I’ve prayed for for decades. I know families who have prayed mightily for relief from health challenges. I know some who pray for relief from the agony of children who have left the faith. I know two women who have never married, but still pray for an eternal companion. Others pray to have children.

Some people pray for work opportunities, for an end to persecution, for safety from war. For family harmony. To end an addiction. Some pray for food, clothing, a home. A miracle.

And then, in most cases, we wait. Heaven’s timing often includes an opportunity for us to learn patience and faith. It’s a chance to grow close to our Father in Heaven, to expand our vision, to focus upon the matters of eternity.

In my own case, when I was praying for someone else to change (and I’ll come back to that) I learned that, instead of giving God ideas, I needed to pray for myself—that I could have greater faith.

When what we want is also what God wants, we need to trust Him and trust His timing. In every single case, God will have the best idea. Maybe it will match yours, but maybe not. In any event, we need to step back and let God do what God does. Only He can know another person’s heart, and the best way to help that person grow.

When praying for someone else to change, we are often trespassing. We forget that it isn’t up to us to judge others and decide what they should do—and how. Instead, we can ask God and then get out of the way.

Let’s say you’re praying for someone to remember their testimony and come back to church. Welcome to the club. You’re pretty sure this is also something God wants, but does He want us to then put on our mortal thinking caps and come up with ideas that will actually stall the process?

Often our short-sighted scurrying and “trying to help” can backfire. If we can’t stop talking about it, or hinting, or surprising them with a “spiritual” moment, we can make the other person feel unwelcome as they are. Too many of us try to fix someone to death.

Once we have done all we reasonably can, we truly do need to turn it over to God. Then our job is simply to love them. Accept them. Rejoice in their traits that delight us.  Fast for them, keep their names in the temple, yes. And now develop resolute faith. Show, by your own example, how gospel activity blesses you. But quit bugging them, and trying to engineer a faster result.

And that’s just one prayer that we unintentionally block. What about the prayer for nicer relatives?  Is our own behavior possibly interfering and making it harder for them to feel love towards us?  Do we drop subtle—or not so subtle hints—that something is wrong with them?

We can block advancements in our career by not doing our part—taking those extra classes, be willing to move away, continuing strife with co-workers, and so on.

We’ve been told to pray for our enemies, but how many of us actually do this? If your prayer is for someone to stop persecuting you, maybe you need to think of ways to befriend this person. Clearly anyone with an axe to grind is damaged in some way. Can you address it and show love?  (No, we don’t need to continue a relationship with someone abusive, but I’m talking about friction at work, and other, less severe situations.)

When you feel tied up in knots over a desperate, yet seemingly unanswered, prayer, get a Priesthood Blessing. You may receive inspiration that helps you reframe your view. I know a man whose health struggle was a means of teaching sacrifice to his children.

Praying for God to end your addiction is smart. But doing that and nothing else might be the problem. Support groups and therapists are all available to help in this extremely difficult undertaking.

Through it all, I recommend service. By forgetting our own problems for a few hours, and rolling up our sleeves to help someone else, we open another conduit to personal revelation.  I have felt distinct promptings when performing service, reading scriptures, and attending the Temple or Sacrament meeting. Somehow these places can work magic, and can still our souls enough to hear clear communication from the Holy Ghost. And, have you noticed, that very often these are words of comfort to buoy up our faith?

We all want instant answers to our prayers. It wouldn’t build much spiritual muscle, though. We need to have faith that God hears us. He knows our struggles, and He al so knows how best to help us.  Let’s let Him.

Hilton is a Latter-day Saint author and Seminary teacher. Her book, A Little Christmas Prayer, is the perfect Christmas gift. Sometimes it takes a child to raise a village, and this tale teaches anyone, of any faith, the magic of gratitude. All her books and Youtube Mom videos can be found at jonihilton.com.